Slow and Steady Wins The Race???

Forgot to mention - next half marathon is in 8 weeks. Just started properly training last week and managed 22km over the course of the week. I feel SO unfit! I guess I haven't really worked hard at running since the last one back in September. Mada and I are running it together. Let's pray I can keep up with him - !!

Things are looking up again - or is it just PMA?

The weekend gave me sometime to think/ talk over how I was feeling and start afresh. With the support of my friends and family, it worked. I'm a firm believer that with PMA (positive mental attitude) comes positivity in your surroundings. Of course, it is hard to FEEL positive when you feel really low, so every now and then we just have to suck it up and suffer the consequences if we choose to be downbeat!

Already this week I managed to create some pretty good promos on Adobe (awaiting feedback!) and have been told that as part of my promotional work I'm doing on Saturday I will also get to do two on air links - joy! So I have effectively killed two birds with one stone - extra money and on air exposure. Sure it'll be just a minute or two but better than none!

I think this opportunity was given to me on the basis that my colleague who organises the promotional workers heard some of my "on air" work when we had "radio experience" last week, which is where effectively, you produce and record a "live" show - except it doesn't go on air. I got the role of "Showbiz Reporter" and have to say, sounded pretty nifty - or so everyone keeps telling me! I love Mada's face when he hears it, he just beams, he's so proud, bless. If only it were real!!

Baby steps, fingers crossed it all goes well for me on Saturday! The only way is up!

Gotta Keep Going

Yesterday was a bad day from beginning to end and I know I need to pull myself out of this slump of being miserable and shedding too many tears.

Last night I bailed out on having a girls night out with my colleagues and just wanted to go home and get into bed. Instead Mada dragged me down to a quiet pub with our best mates and despite my objections, the distraction worked and it cheered me up.

This quiet weekend I am working on boosting my moral and getting back on top of things. Already I feel better today, to the point where Mada said "I've missed you, I'm so glad you're back". What a saint to put up with me at times!

Next weekend is looking promising - I'm working Saturday morning which will be extra money and with the prospect of doing an on air link, followed by training on how to drive the desk with a mate in the arvo. Keep pushing and I know I'll see results. I hope that result includes reaching my dreams as well as an increment in my salary - totally selfish but totally how I feel.

FML

Today I hit an all time low.

I arrived at the train station in time to buy my weekly 7 day season pass. It's £26.20. As I put in my pin the machine made a weird noise and told me that the authorization failed.

Reluctantly I realised that my funds must be low and so re did the transaction for just a return ticket (which is about £7). I put my pin in again and, once again my card was rejected.

Fuck. No money in my account and £3 in my wallet. I wracked my brains for a solution. Fortunately I knew I could get on the train as there is no barrier at the local station but I knew I wouldn't get through on the other side.

So I swallowed my pride and called Mada who quickly transferred £50 to my account (in case I was also overdrawn) so that I could pay at the other end - that was if the money would go through.

At the same time I had the train ticket checker guy asking me to show my ticket and so I had to wriggle my way out of paying by mouthing, I'll pay at the station whilst on the phone, feeling pretty tearful and embarrassed that I would have to explain why I couldn't pay then and there - in that, I'm fucking poor.

I arrived at my station and prayed that the money had transferred in time. Well thank God for Internet banking. It had transferred and I bought my pass and set off on my walk to my office.

Please tell me that one day and the hours and no money will pay off.... Morale is at an all time low :(

I'm in love

What a bloody miserable post - my first of 2010. I'm appalled at myself. It's just because I don't ever get the opportunity to blog privately these days and happen to have a moment on a miserable morning. Saying that, I remember something I drafted in my email account just two days ago that's worth posting... it went something like this...

"You know when you watch a romantic movie and you see this kiss, this magical kiss, between the two lead characters who are just so deeply in love you can imagine ever finding a love like that? Well, I have. God, I've never been so in love in my whole life, it's sickening..."

Maybe I should keep this feeling in mind, when everything I wrote about below gets on top of me.

:)

Bummed Out.

Community spirit is up around our hood, somehow the snow has united people. People also seem to be working together to make life easier. People are more friendly on the roads, they'll stop and help push your car if it gets stuck and they'll give you a hand if you slip over. The train waits just 5 seconds more for you to get on just in time and your boss doesn't yell at you for not showing up for work.

On the other side, so many people complain about the council not doing enough - roads not being gritted, train delays, power cuts for more than 48 hours. Yes it's cold, yes it's icy, yes its hard work but I wish people would look at the positive and good things that have come from the situation.

Whatever the council do, however perfect, fault will always be found. Why? Because we are British. We like to complain. We ought to be more thankful. I keep thinking of all those in Haiti. Surely they are worse off than us? Yes they are. So bare that in mind next time you moan about our country. We're doing alright.

It is hard though isn't it? To keep positive. I heard a quote I liked the other day by Winston Churchill:

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

I like this and it's very true. No matter how rubbish things are we must always look at the good in it all. Generally speaking, I believe I do but everyone has their off days (week, in my case).

Right now, I'm having a crap week and yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I have no direction in my career, I feel lost in the middle of it all, I want us to buy our house but we're yet to see our mortgage advisor and even begin looking and I miss my friends in KL dearly.

But of course, I continue to try and keep the positive in mind - I HAVE a job, I HAVE a home to live in, I HAVE friends (lovely friends) here. But it's hard, you know.

Everyday living seems monotonous, nothing to aim for, nothing to look forward to no targets to be met, no achievements to be made.

I know its just a moo(!) point and it will pick up soon. I guess this is just everyday, reality. Maybe I should just suck it up, and deal with it.