Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Start of The End


It's been so long since I blogged that I had to type my password in 3 times until I got it right. In all honesty I'm thinking of making this my final blog entry because I now have someone to share my general wonderingments with and his name is Mada.

Whilst I miss being able to update my friends from afar via the realms of an online diary I know there are only a handful of people who ever care to look these days.

It's been a wonderful journey with you, my faithful blog and I would say I've finally found happiness - I'm home, in England, I have a fantastic job and I'm in love. In love with my best friend and we've just bought our first home together last week.

All I can hope for now is continued happiness for the future.

As I said on my first ever entry to this new blog. It’s been some time since I wrote in my blog. I guess I’ve been kinda preoccupied with, well, living life actually. I think I'm going to get back to that now.



Bye xxx

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Cous Klem

Mada and I are taking our first holiday together - well, more of a 'mini break' over to Norway next weekend to visit A&F for 4 days 3 nights. I really can't wait! Having booked the trip nearly six months ago, it felt like it was never going to come and now it's finaly (nearly) here! I can't wait to see 2 of my bestest friends from KL and for them to meet the love of my life too. Also, just to have some time away, just me and my man. It's going to be great :o)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Domestic Goddess?

As we didn't make it to the restaurant, I decided to make a dish from the Asian cookbook that my friends in KL bought me as a leaving gift. I came across it yesterday when having a massive purging session, throwing out old stuff from KL that was just silly to keep - yes, even down to my old Fitness First card and business cards - no point holding onto idol crap.

So I cooked Pork in peanut sauce! It was amazing, so fun to cook from scratch with Chinese spices (all found in Budgens - amazing!) the ingredients cost £10 in all and the meal was totally awesome - Mada had the job of cutting up the veggies and me the meat and making the marinade and cooking the whole lot. I was so proud of my first attempt to cook Malaysian (style) food and so we've decided to write in the book with every dish we cook giving it a rating out of 10 and how we can improve the taste for next time :o)

Looking forward to cooking together in our own home together, we're getting there, second mortgage assessment just around the corner, then (fingers crossed) it will be a decent borrowing amount and we can start looking at houses in REAL LIFE as opposed to browsing on line.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Malaysian Food O'Clock

Mada, me and 2 of our friends were supposed to be going to this restaurant last night but we had to cancel because something came up for our friends.

It specialises in Malaysian cuisine and all the dishes look amazing! Can't believe I hadn't discovered it sooner and it's right on our doorstep (well, about 30 mins drive from home, but still!) looks lush!

http://www.matahariguildford.co.uk/

Thursday, March 18, 2010

What's going down in da hood?

So, whats been going on that has prevented me from blogging in so long you ask? Well, as before when I've taken long breaks - a mixture of happiness and being just too busy. Tonight I got home at 6.30 and as I'm unable to work out in the lead up to the big HALF on Sunday I'm kinda like heck, what do I do for the next 5 hours until it's time to sleep?? I feel restless not being active - that IS my chill out time.

Well let's look at one thing at a time...

Love

Love is good, more than good, excellent! 9 months into being "home" and 9 months of bliss with my man. Who'd have thought that years of confusion could turn into something so wonderful. We've been to see the mortgage advisor and in all honesty, it didn't go so well. With me on the lowest salary I've had since before university and him being self employed its hard to get the money we know we could afford to borrow. BUT we're working at it. With him doing an extra 2 hours a day and me working evenings and weekends we are pulling in more money and working together to build up our deposit. We will go for another appointment at the end of the tax year, at that point we will go with what we have and find our home. Be it the "dream" home or not, it will be ours.

Work

Work. My God, never did I imagine that you could actually get out of work in the morning without a struggle. I love my company. For the last 4 weeks I have covered someones role who is more senior than mine (same as the role I applied for and didn't get) and enjoyed every second of feeling stressed, using my brain and being tired. Now she is back, I just keep pushing on and on with taking more responsibilities wherever possible, coming up with ideas, taking on new projects and it's being noticed. I will get there, I've made my mark. Alongside the everyday work, I am furthering my dream role at the company - to be on air. I have been noticed. I'm doing on air links, learning how to use adobe, creating podcasts, managing focus groups, I even have my own commercial to raise awareness of the money I am raising for charity by running the half marathon. I am praying so so hard that I get a pay rise when I have my 6 month review. Please, if more than anything, I deserve it because I have worked so bloody hard. and, more importantly I love it.

Play

Running, running and more running. Looking forward to a trip to Foxhills Spa with the boy (my reward from my line manager for working so hard to cover my colleagues work), a holiday to Norway to visit A&F, weddings (not mine - ha!), and concerts a plenty over the summer - 3 so far - Scouting For Girls (who I happened to meet at work just the other day - another perk of the job), BEP (with Cheryl Cole supporting) and FOTC. Awesome. Fighting the resistance of comparing my relatively normal weekends to the road trips we use to take in Malaysia but I need to accept, I am here now and this is how life is. But I can handle it - I've never felt so normal, so content and so happy.

Other stuff...

There's been some lows... some very very lows. Finding out my step mum was pregnant and that the baby had died whilst still growing inside her and therefore losing my baby brother was probably most hard (of course that is the abbreviated version). The growing desire (and hassle) to meet my little half sister who lives a stone throw away from me and living at home and so very desperate to live with my love. All challenging and some big changes in my future to follow no doubt. Oh and did I mention I have managed 77 days with no alcohol - insane! I know. 3 months is up on the 1st April - bring on the G&T!

OK, so there you have it... a little summary from me to you. It felt quite nice to share with you. Til next time, I'll try and not leave it quite so long this time...

Monday, March 15, 2010

Whoooops!

Just logged on to say, yes, yes, I know, it's been a while - thinking that I hadn't blogged for about a month - but I haven't since January - that IS shocking.

I will blog soon.... and you'll know all about what I've been up to - for now focus is Half Marathon in 6 days, confirmation at work in 14 days... blog to follow in due course.

Keep checkin' ;o)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Slow and Steady Wins The Race???

Forgot to mention - next half marathon is in 8 weeks. Just started properly training last week and managed 22km over the course of the week. I feel SO unfit! I guess I haven't really worked hard at running since the last one back in September. Mada and I are running it together. Let's pray I can keep up with him - !!

Things are looking up again - or is it just PMA?

The weekend gave me sometime to think/ talk over how I was feeling and start afresh. With the support of my friends and family, it worked. I'm a firm believer that with PMA (positive mental attitude) comes positivity in your surroundings. Of course, it is hard to FEEL positive when you feel really low, so every now and then we just have to suck it up and suffer the consequences if we choose to be downbeat!

Already this week I managed to create some pretty good promos on Adobe (awaiting feedback!) and have been told that as part of my promotional work I'm doing on Saturday I will also get to do two on air links - joy! So I have effectively killed two birds with one stone - extra money and on air exposure. Sure it'll be just a minute or two but better than none!

I think this opportunity was given to me on the basis that my colleague who organises the promotional workers heard some of my "on air" work when we had "radio experience" last week, which is where effectively, you produce and record a "live" show - except it doesn't go on air. I got the role of "Showbiz Reporter" and have to say, sounded pretty nifty - or so everyone keeps telling me! I love Mada's face when he hears it, he just beams, he's so proud, bless. If only it were real!!

Baby steps, fingers crossed it all goes well for me on Saturday! The only way is up!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Gotta Keep Going

Yesterday was a bad day from beginning to end and I know I need to pull myself out of this slump of being miserable and shedding too many tears.

Last night I bailed out on having a girls night out with my colleagues and just wanted to go home and get into bed. Instead Mada dragged me down to a quiet pub with our best mates and despite my objections, the distraction worked and it cheered me up.

This quiet weekend I am working on boosting my moral and getting back on top of things. Already I feel better today, to the point where Mada said "I've missed you, I'm so glad you're back". What a saint to put up with me at times!

Next weekend is looking promising - I'm working Saturday morning which will be extra money and with the prospect of doing an on air link, followed by training on how to drive the desk with a mate in the arvo. Keep pushing and I know I'll see results. I hope that result includes reaching my dreams as well as an increment in my salary - totally selfish but totally how I feel.

Friday, January 22, 2010

FML

Today I hit an all time low.

I arrived at the train station in time to buy my weekly 7 day season pass. It's £26.20. As I put in my pin the machine made a weird noise and told me that the authorization failed.

Reluctantly I realised that my funds must be low and so re did the transaction for just a return ticket (which is about £7). I put my pin in again and, once again my card was rejected.

Fuck. No money in my account and £3 in my wallet. I wracked my brains for a solution. Fortunately I knew I could get on the train as there is no barrier at the local station but I knew I wouldn't get through on the other side.

So I swallowed my pride and called Mada who quickly transferred £50 to my account (in case I was also overdrawn) so that I could pay at the other end - that was if the money would go through.

At the same time I had the train ticket checker guy asking me to show my ticket and so I had to wriggle my way out of paying by mouthing, I'll pay at the station whilst on the phone, feeling pretty tearful and embarrassed that I would have to explain why I couldn't pay then and there - in that, I'm fucking poor.

I arrived at my station and prayed that the money had transferred in time. Well thank God for Internet banking. It had transferred and I bought my pass and set off on my walk to my office.

Please tell me that one day and the hours and no money will pay off.... Morale is at an all time low :(

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I'm in love

What a bloody miserable post - my first of 2010. I'm appalled at myself. It's just because I don't ever get the opportunity to blog privately these days and happen to have a moment on a miserable morning. Saying that, I remember something I drafted in my email account just two days ago that's worth posting... it went something like this...

"You know when you watch a romantic movie and you see this kiss, this magical kiss, between the two lead characters who are just so deeply in love you can imagine ever finding a love like that? Well, I have. God, I've never been so in love in my whole life, it's sickening..."

Maybe I should keep this feeling in mind, when everything I wrote about below gets on top of me.

:)

Bummed Out.

Community spirit is up around our hood, somehow the snow has united people. People also seem to be working together to make life easier. People are more friendly on the roads, they'll stop and help push your car if it gets stuck and they'll give you a hand if you slip over. The train waits just 5 seconds more for you to get on just in time and your boss doesn't yell at you for not showing up for work.

On the other side, so many people complain about the council not doing enough - roads not being gritted, train delays, power cuts for more than 48 hours. Yes it's cold, yes it's icy, yes its hard work but I wish people would look at the positive and good things that have come from the situation.

Whatever the council do, however perfect, fault will always be found. Why? Because we are British. We like to complain. We ought to be more thankful. I keep thinking of all those in Haiti. Surely they are worse off than us? Yes they are. So bare that in mind next time you moan about our country. We're doing alright.

It is hard though isn't it? To keep positive. I heard a quote I liked the other day by Winston Churchill:

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

I like this and it's very true. No matter how rubbish things are we must always look at the good in it all. Generally speaking, I believe I do but everyone has their off days (week, in my case).

Right now, I'm having a crap week and yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I have no direction in my career, I feel lost in the middle of it all, I want us to buy our house but we're yet to see our mortgage advisor and even begin looking and I miss my friends in KL dearly.

But of course, I continue to try and keep the positive in mind - I HAVE a job, I HAVE a home to live in, I HAVE friends (lovely friends) here. But it's hard, you know.

Everyday living seems monotonous, nothing to aim for, nothing to look forward to no targets to be met, no achievements to be made.

I know its just a moo(!) point and it will pick up soon. I guess this is just everyday, reality. Maybe I should just suck it up, and deal with it.

About Me

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Surrey, United Kingdom
"I have found that if a problem rears its head, the best way to deal with it is by being highly emotional, inconsistent and super irrational and the problem tends to go away..."