Being unemployed really does suck. I know you may already know this, but, I'm just reconfirming that indeed, it does.
The hardest part is to try and find the motivation to look. There are SO many jobs out there, but none of which I want to do. If i was desperate i could start work tomorrow, but alas, I'm holding out for a decent job.
Having said that, I'm getting to my witts end (or, not far off) with it. I'm very fortunate to have such a supportive family, boyfriend and circle of friends. On Monday I'm going to actually drop into my local recruitment agency and have a chat with them and in the meantime, I'm considering some "cash in hand" work down my local pub - the manager goes to our gym and my friends and I know him relatively well.
The good part of all of this, is that although it is getting me down, I still know in my heart, that coming home was the right decision.
No more blogging today, not a lot of inspiration today. Think I'll take a drive down to Starbucks and meet up with my Mum.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Spooning Leads To Forking
Are you the Big Spoon, or, the Little Spoon? Do you even know what I am talking about? Well for those of you who don't, I shall explain.
When lying in bed, together, cuddling up, it is inevitable at one time, that one partner shall have their back to the others front and they shall lie in a "spoon" like position.
As you can see in the picture below, one spoon shall always take the position of the "big" spoon and the other, as the "little" spoon. The big spoon cups the little spoon just like a draw of regular spoons, plastic or china, it don't matter.
As tradition would have it, a woman should always feel safe and secure wrapped up in her man's arms and therefore technically, the man should be the Big Spoon and the lady, well, she is the Little Spoon. The women feels loved, cherished and safe, she has her big man's, strong arms around her and she is nestled snuggly within them.
But what if suddenly the woman became the big spoon? Well the other day, I was accused of being the big spoon, would you believe it! Whilst being truly mortified I had to of course try and justify why i happened to be the "big spoon" that morning, and well, it was simply because HE had rolled over due to the light of the morning coming in through the blinds and I still wanted to cuddle up. so i technically spooned him.
I don't particularly mind cuddling up TO my man, but of course being prefer being cuddled BY him but how DARE you call ME the big spoon! For the love of God, surely you realise the connotations that are involved in calling me the BIG spoon, don't you?
Not only did i feel like a loser, but i suddenly felt like the man in the relationship which is ironic because my man is built like a brick shit house and I'm a tiny little woman... how on earth could i be labelled as the big spoon.
Boys, for the record, always spoon your lady, don't let her spoon you. And remember, most importantly, spooning almost always leads to forking and that can't be done if she is spooning you now, can it...?
When lying in bed, together, cuddling up, it is inevitable at one time, that one partner shall have their back to the others front and they shall lie in a "spoon" like position.
As you can see in the picture below, one spoon shall always take the position of the "big" spoon and the other, as the "little" spoon. The big spoon cups the little spoon just like a draw of regular spoons, plastic or china, it don't matter.
As tradition would have it, a woman should always feel safe and secure wrapped up in her man's arms and therefore technically, the man should be the Big Spoon and the lady, well, she is the Little Spoon. The women feels loved, cherished and safe, she has her big man's, strong arms around her and she is nestled snuggly within them.
But what if suddenly the woman became the big spoon? Well the other day, I was accused of being the big spoon, would you believe it! Whilst being truly mortified I had to of course try and justify why i happened to be the "big spoon" that morning, and well, it was simply because HE had rolled over due to the light of the morning coming in through the blinds and I still wanted to cuddle up. so i technically spooned him.
I don't particularly mind cuddling up TO my man, but of course being prefer being cuddled BY him but how DARE you call ME the big spoon! For the love of God, surely you realise the connotations that are involved in calling me the BIG spoon, don't you?
Not only did i feel like a loser, but i suddenly felt like the man in the relationship which is ironic because my man is built like a brick shit house and I'm a tiny little woman... how on earth could i be labelled as the big spoon.
Boys, for the record, always spoon your lady, don't let her spoon you. And remember, most importantly, spooning almost always leads to forking and that can't be done if she is spooning you now, can it...?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Happy Ground - Pete Murray
Happy days are coming my way, its been some time, but here to stay,
Is the life of love Ive found, sends me up on happy ground.
Sleepy head has gone to bed, makes me laugh, face turn red,
Giggling down on the ground, I'll pick you up and spin you around.
Seeing him in concert in LDN August 26th :)
Is the life of love Ive found, sends me up on happy ground.
Sleepy head has gone to bed, makes me laugh, face turn red,
Giggling down on the ground, I'll pick you up and spin you around.
Seeing him in concert in LDN August 26th :)
I'm on KRAC
I meant to write about this sooner, but didn't get round to it, which is pretty lame really considering I'm unemployed (yes, still).
To keep me occupied, to spend time with friends and improve my training plan for the half marathon in September I set up a running club with my friends.
On Saturday I managed to rally up 6 of the 12 "members" and we did the 5 mile course around Virginia Waters. It really was fun.
My boy and billy went ahead, with Shrub and I following behind and Butdunc and her man shortly after us. Butdunc's other half carried a video camera around most of the way to record us "in action" - haha can't wait to see how that came out!
Shrub and I beat our personal best by 1min 30, completing the 5 miles in 38.30 mins. The boys beat us by 6 mins and Butdunc and her other half followed shortly behind.
Afterwards we went for a fantastic brunch at this really quaint/ semi posh cafe in Sunningdale. I had a bagel with scrambled egg, avocado and roasted peppers - it was delicious!
I had so much fun. It felt good to do something "normal" with friends, it made me feel settled in my life again. I hope we can all go again soon, I'm gonna push for this Sunday... but we'll see the reaction ;)
On the up, Mada has agreed to do the New York Marathon (Nov 2010) with me. After going on and on about wanting to go to NY and not being able to afford it this year, we're gonna try and kill 2 birds with one stone next year - how utterly awesome???
To keep me occupied, to spend time with friends and improve my training plan for the half marathon in September I set up a running club with my friends.
On Saturday I managed to rally up 6 of the 12 "members" and we did the 5 mile course around Virginia Waters. It really was fun.
My boy and billy went ahead, with Shrub and I following behind and Butdunc and her man shortly after us. Butdunc's other half carried a video camera around most of the way to record us "in action" - haha can't wait to see how that came out!
Shrub and I beat our personal best by 1min 30, completing the 5 miles in 38.30 mins. The boys beat us by 6 mins and Butdunc and her other half followed shortly behind.
Afterwards we went for a fantastic brunch at this really quaint/ semi posh cafe in Sunningdale. I had a bagel with scrambled egg, avocado and roasted peppers - it was delicious!
I had so much fun. It felt good to do something "normal" with friends, it made me feel settled in my life again. I hope we can all go again soon, I'm gonna push for this Sunday... but we'll see the reaction ;)
On the up, Mada has agreed to do the New York Marathon (Nov 2010) with me. After going on and on about wanting to go to NY and not being able to afford it this year, we're gonna try and kill 2 birds with one stone next year - how utterly awesome???
My New Car
Pictures below of my new car - a Mini One.
I have named her "Tizzicar" or, Tizzi, for short :)
I have named her "Tizzicar" or, Tizzi, for short :)
Friday, July 24, 2009
Would you lie to your Mother?
What sort of relationship do you have with your Mother?
I think there are two categories. There's the "Mother & Daughter" relationship and there is the "Friends" relationship. Some people have said that when they reached their late teens/ early 20's they moved out of home and suddenly found that their once "Mother" was now their "best friend".
I do at times wish I had this relationship with my own Mother but alas, I do not. I have the good old fashioned Mother & Daughter relationship and today this was truly evident.
Whilst "fooling around" with The Boy, we, *ahem* inadvertently ripped my duvet cover. Don't ask me how, one minute we were *ahem* and the next, we had ripped the seam of the cover and made a gaping, unrepairable hole of about 2 foot. Shit.
In a complete kerfuffle, after he had left and knowing my Mother was due home any minute, I tried to think of a way of explaining how this unfortunate event had taken place. There was no way I could simply hide it - I've just had my whole room redecorated (in celebration of the grand return home, bless) and well, no, I couldn't get away with it. This cover cost £50 of my Mother's hard earned money - yikes. I felt like a 13 year old girl, all over again. Oh the shame of it.
As she came through the door I busied myself with making some lunch and her a cup of tea (ease her into it). Whilst my back was turned I harped on about my day and then just said "You'll never guess what i did in my sleep last night..." She frowned... "I must have been sleeping really restlessly and somehow (tried best to pull a confused face which I have perfected over the years) ripped my bed sheet..."
Dubiously she headed upstairs to look at the evidence and I made a joke about being worried she was going to "tell me off" (hoho) and she said, "well it wasn't your fault, I thought you were going to tell me you'd been fooling around with The Boy in it" *CRINGE*. I yelled some profanities in embarrassment. Surely that was enough to give me away?
Immediately, in her, straight-to-the-point-manner, she was on the phone to Next making a complaint over the quality of the workmanship and within an hour, we'd been down to our local branch and exchanged for a brand new cover. Hilarious.
A part of me wished that I could have just said "Cor, i was having a right steamy sess over lunch today and ripped my duvet cover"... that would have been the "Best Friend" relationship, but for the foreseeable future, I think we'll keep it with "what a restless sleep".
What would you have done? ;)
I think there are two categories. There's the "Mother & Daughter" relationship and there is the "Friends" relationship. Some people have said that when they reached their late teens/ early 20's they moved out of home and suddenly found that their once "Mother" was now their "best friend".
I do at times wish I had this relationship with my own Mother but alas, I do not. I have the good old fashioned Mother & Daughter relationship and today this was truly evident.
Whilst "fooling around" with The Boy, we, *ahem* inadvertently ripped my duvet cover. Don't ask me how, one minute we were *ahem* and the next, we had ripped the seam of the cover and made a gaping, unrepairable hole of about 2 foot. Shit.
In a complete kerfuffle, after he had left and knowing my Mother was due home any minute, I tried to think of a way of explaining how this unfortunate event had taken place. There was no way I could simply hide it - I've just had my whole room redecorated (in celebration of the grand return home, bless) and well, no, I couldn't get away with it. This cover cost £50 of my Mother's hard earned money - yikes. I felt like a 13 year old girl, all over again. Oh the shame of it.
As she came through the door I busied myself with making some lunch and her a cup of tea (ease her into it). Whilst my back was turned I harped on about my day and then just said "You'll never guess what i did in my sleep last night..." She frowned... "I must have been sleeping really restlessly and somehow (tried best to pull a confused face which I have perfected over the years) ripped my bed sheet..."
Dubiously she headed upstairs to look at the evidence and I made a joke about being worried she was going to "tell me off" (hoho) and she said, "well it wasn't your fault, I thought you were going to tell me you'd been fooling around with The Boy in it" *CRINGE*. I yelled some profanities in embarrassment. Surely that was enough to give me away?
Immediately, in her, straight-to-the-point-manner, she was on the phone to Next making a complaint over the quality of the workmanship and within an hour, we'd been down to our local branch and exchanged for a brand new cover. Hilarious.
A part of me wished that I could have just said "Cor, i was having a right steamy sess over lunch today and ripped my duvet cover"... that would have been the "Best Friend" relationship, but for the foreseeable future, I think we'll keep it with "what a restless sleep".
What would you have done? ;)
Dance like Cheryl Cole
Have you got that Boom Boom POW? or are you a HEARTBREAKER?
Last night my Sister and I went to our first dance class at StreetDanceUK in Reading (I think, I need to double confirm with her) and it was awesome.
The class costs £4.50 and is 1 hour (although with warm up/ cool down you're looking at 45mins max). There were only 4 of us (including ourselves) that attended the class and we were walked through a routine to, my current fdavourite tune, Boom Boom Pow, by the Black Eyed Peas.
The pace was good, the teacher was thorough, friendly and although a great dancer, not intimidating. We had a blast. Of course, we only learnt about 30 seconds worth of the routine, but these steps are fast moving and take time and practice to get it right.
I was pleasently surpised with how well I managed the moves, most of which were odd body pops and shapes which i tend to throw on the dance floor anyway (Bombie can vouch for that, hehe).
Halfway through my Sister turned to me and said, I don't feel like I'm getting the sexiness of it - I told her to untie her hair, even if you can't get the steps right, throwing your sexy long hair about and popping your hips looks pretty hawt anyway.
Am TOTALLY going next week, another hobby added to the list.
Last night my Sister and I went to our first dance class at StreetDanceUK in Reading (I think, I need to double confirm with her) and it was awesome.
The class costs £4.50 and is 1 hour (although with warm up/ cool down you're looking at 45mins max). There were only 4 of us (including ourselves) that attended the class and we were walked through a routine to, my current fdavourite tune, Boom Boom Pow, by the Black Eyed Peas.
The pace was good, the teacher was thorough, friendly and although a great dancer, not intimidating. We had a blast. Of course, we only learnt about 30 seconds worth of the routine, but these steps are fast moving and take time and practice to get it right.
I was pleasently surpised with how well I managed the moves, most of which were odd body pops and shapes which i tend to throw on the dance floor anyway (Bombie can vouch for that, hehe).
Halfway through my Sister turned to me and said, I don't feel like I'm getting the sexiness of it - I told her to untie her hair, even if you can't get the steps right, throwing your sexy long hair about and popping your hips looks pretty hawt anyway.
Am TOTALLY going next week, another hobby added to the list.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Trust & Respect
Trust. If you ask anyone what they think is the most important part of a relationship they will say Trust. If you don't trust one another, how can you share a life together? I don't believe you can.
For me, trust and respect for one another are two key elements that hold a relationship together.
Over the past few weeks the boy has begun to let his guard down, whilst I have very much been aware of not doing so. Why? Well, it's the fear I guess. But of late, my guard seems to be slipping more and more and I am letting him in. Progress, I assure you!
Something of my life which he is not (yet) privy to is my blogging. The main reason is that, well, I'm kinda shy (believe it or not) and also, a blog can sometimes be seen as a diary. Hurt and pain is shared, emotions once so strong and splurged all over the pages are, in a day or two, forgotten inside, but will remain in "ink" until the blog is deleted.
Today I decided, to let him in just a wee bit more, by not sending him my blog ad, but sending him yesterday's entry. Seeing as i constantly talk about blogging, the least i could do is show him some of the material i produce. I mean, i know most of it is pretty lame and I'm never going to become a famous blogger, but I do enjoy writing down my General Wonderingments.
Of course, I'd love to share more and I realise I do write very openly in my blog and it occurred to me yesterday that if he were to read some of the intimate things that I write, he may be hurt that other people are privy to my thoughts, but not he.
Therefore i have a series of options:
- I stop blogging *sob*
- I set a privacy setting so only I can ever access my blog (therefore, what is the point??)
- I write more in my third person narrative (which i do tend to do from time to time)
- I carry on writing in my brutal factual manner and pay the price of hurting a loved one by not having RESPECT for him.
Did I just say "loved one"?
I want to respect... therefore from here on, I chose option 3 to carry on blogging, but maybe disconnect myself somewhat from the intimate feelings displayed in my writing.
At the end of the day my relationship with Mada is 1 million times more important than my relationship with a keyboard.
I don't want to make the same mistakes I have done in the past. I want this one to work out and never end.
Shit, i just did it again. Dammit.
For me, trust and respect for one another are two key elements that hold a relationship together.
Over the past few weeks the boy has begun to let his guard down, whilst I have very much been aware of not doing so. Why? Well, it's the fear I guess. But of late, my guard seems to be slipping more and more and I am letting him in. Progress, I assure you!
Something of my life which he is not (yet) privy to is my blogging. The main reason is that, well, I'm kinda shy (believe it or not) and also, a blog can sometimes be seen as a diary. Hurt and pain is shared, emotions once so strong and splurged all over the pages are, in a day or two, forgotten inside, but will remain in "ink" until the blog is deleted.
Today I decided, to let him in just a wee bit more, by not sending him my blog ad, but sending him yesterday's entry. Seeing as i constantly talk about blogging, the least i could do is show him some of the material i produce. I mean, i know most of it is pretty lame and I'm never going to become a famous blogger, but I do enjoy writing down my General Wonderingments.
Of course, I'd love to share more and I realise I do write very openly in my blog and it occurred to me yesterday that if he were to read some of the intimate things that I write, he may be hurt that other people are privy to my thoughts, but not he.
Therefore i have a series of options:
- I stop blogging *sob*
- I set a privacy setting so only I can ever access my blog (therefore, what is the point??)
- I write more in my third person narrative (which i do tend to do from time to time)
- I carry on writing in my brutal factual manner and pay the price of hurting a loved one by not having RESPECT for him.
Did I just say "loved one"?
I want to respect... therefore from here on, I chose option 3 to carry on blogging, but maybe disconnect myself somewhat from the intimate feelings displayed in my writing.
At the end of the day my relationship with Mada is 1 million times more important than my relationship with a keyboard.
I don't want to make the same mistakes I have done in the past. I want this one to work out and never end.
Shit, i just did it again. Dammit.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Oh boy...
He advertises that he is available and by the look of what he has to offer you think that you might be a perfect couple.
You apply as per his instruction and he says he's interested but that a lot of other girls are interested in him too, so he'll be in touch. You drop him a quick line, thanking him for considering you as dating material.
You don't hear anything for a few days, but just sit back and try to focus your mind on other men. There are plenty around but this one you would like to take things seriously with. The others would just be meaningless flings, time wasting and unfulfilling.
This is the man you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, even though you have never actually met, face to face. On paper he seems... perfect.
You don't want to come across too keen or needy, that might scare him away. But then after 3 days you think it would just be polite if he could at least let you know if he would or wouldn't like to date you. That's just a common courtesy!!
Should you email or call him? Or just forget he ever existed... You keep checking your emails in case he has contacted you, you check and check and check even though your inbox reads NO NEW MESSAGES.
You take the easy way out and email him (a bit less embarrassing should you get rejected). You let him know that although he hasn't been in touch, you are still really interested and if he could just let you know how he feels about you then you can move on with your life.
It's been 4 hours and he hasn't replied. Why?
All you can do is sit and wait. Why hasn't he emailed? Why hasn't he called? Why doesn't he like me? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???
...
...
...
Maybe, he's just not that into you.
- It's a pain in the arse waiting to hear about a job, isn't it?
You apply as per his instruction and he says he's interested but that a lot of other girls are interested in him too, so he'll be in touch. You drop him a quick line, thanking him for considering you as dating material.
You don't hear anything for a few days, but just sit back and try to focus your mind on other men. There are plenty around but this one you would like to take things seriously with. The others would just be meaningless flings, time wasting and unfulfilling.
This is the man you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, even though you have never actually met, face to face. On paper he seems... perfect.
You don't want to come across too keen or needy, that might scare him away. But then after 3 days you think it would just be polite if he could at least let you know if he would or wouldn't like to date you. That's just a common courtesy!!
Should you email or call him? Or just forget he ever existed... You keep checking your emails in case he has contacted you, you check and check and check even though your inbox reads NO NEW MESSAGES.
You take the easy way out and email him (a bit less embarrassing should you get rejected). You let him know that although he hasn't been in touch, you are still really interested and if he could just let you know how he feels about you then you can move on with your life.
It's been 4 hours and he hasn't replied. Why?
All you can do is sit and wait. Why hasn't he emailed? Why hasn't he called? Why doesn't he like me? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???
...
...
...
Maybe, he's just not that into you.
- It's a pain in the arse waiting to hear about a job, isn't it?
Mind Control
You can feel that old sensation seeping in
It crawls in through your skin and seeps into your mind
You try to shake it off, ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist
But it's there hovering at your surface
You can try hard to over ride it but its persistence will ultimately test you
Just because you're back physically doesn't mean the mental torture is there too
You're a changed person, you're not who you were
You're stronger than this, you can beat it
Cut it off now, before it cuts you.
It crawls in through your skin and seeps into your mind
You try to shake it off, ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist
But it's there hovering at your surface
You can try hard to over ride it but its persistence will ultimately test you
Just because you're back physically doesn't mean the mental torture is there too
You're a changed person, you're not who you were
You're stronger than this, you can beat it
Cut it off now, before it cuts you.
Monday, July 20, 2009
This & That
Saturday night was a break from the boy, after attending a gathering with over 50 of his family. It was hard work but at the same time, interesting to meet so many people!
I went out to Hed Kandi in Windsor, with the girls and in all honesty, it's not something I intend to do again, anytime soon. Events of the evening lead me to believe that the majority of the girls still behave like stroppy, bitchy little 18 year olds.
Once home I text Mada to let him know i was home safe and sound - yes, I have to do this now(!) and he called to check on me, after about 1 word, my voice cracked and little tears streamed out as I told him how much i missed partying with my KL friends. Sigh, why do these girls have to be so difficult and turn the whole night into cat fights, competitive races for the hottest guy and general immature behaviour?
I guess it didn't help that i was sober and wired up on Red Bull, but I chose not to drink. Quite glad I didn't drink as it just so happened, I cannot control my tongue under the influence of alcohol at the best of times.
Have spoken to HK Roz on skype yesterday and with my family, I have decided to "faze" these "girls" (and they really are) out and concentrate on the friendships I have which are more worthy (i.e Shrub, Mada, ButDunc, the boys and the like).
On the up, Mada tried to cheer me up yesterday (and was successful). We went for an awesome workout together and then he took me out for a really delicious pub lunch in Perbright. A really old fashioned pub, with low wooden beams and a real fire place :) And so, in true Mada *cheeeeese* style, he finally officially asked me to be his "girlfriend" which, after teasing for him a while, I accepted. After that we went home and curled up on the sofa - he watched the golf open and i snuggled up in his arms and read a book. In the evening we went over to my sisters for dinner, with my other cousins and their girlfriends/ wives. It was a great day.
So life is still not really stable, I'm praying to God I hear back on the interview for the *dream job* in the next couple of days. In the meantime, I'll keep working out (have lost a ridiculous amount of fat from working out 7 days a week), blog, facebook and keep searching for jobs. Not long now, I really hope.
I went out to Hed Kandi in Windsor, with the girls and in all honesty, it's not something I intend to do again, anytime soon. Events of the evening lead me to believe that the majority of the girls still behave like stroppy, bitchy little 18 year olds.
Once home I text Mada to let him know i was home safe and sound - yes, I have to do this now(!) and he called to check on me, after about 1 word, my voice cracked and little tears streamed out as I told him how much i missed partying with my KL friends. Sigh, why do these girls have to be so difficult and turn the whole night into cat fights, competitive races for the hottest guy and general immature behaviour?
I guess it didn't help that i was sober and wired up on Red Bull, but I chose not to drink. Quite glad I didn't drink as it just so happened, I cannot control my tongue under the influence of alcohol at the best of times.
Have spoken to HK Roz on skype yesterday and with my family, I have decided to "faze" these "girls" (and they really are) out and concentrate on the friendships I have which are more worthy (i.e Shrub, Mada, ButDunc, the boys and the like).
On the up, Mada tried to cheer me up yesterday (and was successful). We went for an awesome workout together and then he took me out for a really delicious pub lunch in Perbright. A really old fashioned pub, with low wooden beams and a real fire place :) And so, in true Mada *cheeeeese* style, he finally officially asked me to be his "girlfriend" which, after teasing for him a while, I accepted. After that we went home and curled up on the sofa - he watched the golf open and i snuggled up in his arms and read a book. In the evening we went over to my sisters for dinner, with my other cousins and their girlfriends/ wives. It was a great day.
So life is still not really stable, I'm praying to God I hear back on the interview for the *dream job* in the next couple of days. In the meantime, I'll keep working out (have lost a ridiculous amount of fat from working out 7 days a week), blog, facebook and keep searching for jobs. Not long now, I really hope.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Untidy Garden
Why is it so hard to get a Brazilian wax in this country, or more specifically, Surrey? Is everyone too prim and proper to go full frontal :P
I decided last week it was about time I had a tidy up and after searching around for a beauty salon that will wax me bare, Budunc recommended a place called Truly Scrumptious in Farnborough.
I managed to speak with them today but they were fully booked until the end of NEXT WEEK - how insane is that? At least it shows they must be doing something right!
Well anyway, I called my local beauticians up who, as it turns out, do "Brazilian" waxing but i don't think they do the *ahem* sensitive areas... but we'll see, I'm going later today.
Seriously, don't people like to maintain a good appearance? Dear God. I pity the fool who goes near one.
I decided last week it was about time I had a tidy up and after searching around for a beauty salon that will wax me bare, Budunc recommended a place called Truly Scrumptious in Farnborough.
I managed to speak with them today but they were fully booked until the end of NEXT WEEK - how insane is that? At least it shows they must be doing something right!
Well anyway, I called my local beauticians up who, as it turns out, do "Brazilian" waxing but i don't think they do the *ahem* sensitive areas... but we'll see, I'm going later today.
Seriously, don't people like to maintain a good appearance? Dear God. I pity the fool who goes near one.
I failed myself.
Oh crap.
So, I had the interview at the school yesterday. It was with the assistant head and a random woman (governing body?).
It went really well and I felt really confident over all the answers i gave over their strictly regimented questioning.
I got a call in the afternoon saying that they had good new and bad news. First of all they gave me the feedback and said that my interview was (and i quote here) "superb" and that I came across lovely, confident, my answers were well thought through bla bla BLAAAAAAAAA but then, that they were not going to offer me the position as they had two women that could co-share the position who had been TA's before - Waaaah :(
On the up though, they have told me that if i would like to pursue my GTP then they are happy to sponsor me for work experience with them, which was a very generous offer which I was appreciative of.
Can't say I'm not disappointed, but now of course, everything hangs in the balance with the other job now. Which I doubt I'll hear further on until NEXT week. So I guess I have to start looking again, it's so tiresome.
What is meant to be, will be.
So, I had the interview at the school yesterday. It was with the assistant head and a random woman (governing body?).
It went really well and I felt really confident over all the answers i gave over their strictly regimented questioning.
I got a call in the afternoon saying that they had good new and bad news. First of all they gave me the feedback and said that my interview was (and i quote here) "superb" and that I came across lovely, confident, my answers were well thought through bla bla BLAAAAAAAAA but then, that they were not going to offer me the position as they had two women that could co-share the position who had been TA's before - Waaaah :(
On the up though, they have told me that if i would like to pursue my GTP then they are happy to sponsor me for work experience with them, which was a very generous offer which I was appreciative of.
Can't say I'm not disappointed, but now of course, everything hangs in the balance with the other job now. Which I doubt I'll hear further on until NEXT week. So I guess I have to start looking again, it's so tiresome.
What is meant to be, will be.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Mr Big & Carrie
Whilst watching SATC, he lay with his head on my lap whilst I tickled him softly - it was a fair compromise.
With his eyes shut, and her eyes on the TV, the following conversation takes place:
"So which SATC character are you?"
"I'm Carrie"
"Oh really? I'd put you more as a Charlotte - not that I watch it or anything! Haha"
"No, I'm Carrie, because she searches for love but keeps going back to Mr Big and one day, they work things out - see, I'm Carrie and you're Mr Big"
Later...
(Whilst still watching SATC, she yells at the TV) "But Mr Big DOES love you Carrie!!"
(With eyes still shut) "Yes, Mr Big does love Carrie"
Longest silence in the history of mankind follows.
With his eyes shut, and her eyes on the TV, the following conversation takes place:
"So which SATC character are you?"
"I'm Carrie"
"Oh really? I'd put you more as a Charlotte - not that I watch it or anything! Haha"
"No, I'm Carrie, because she searches for love but keeps going back to Mr Big and one day, they work things out - see, I'm Carrie and you're Mr Big"
Later...
(Whilst still watching SATC, she yells at the TV) "But Mr Big DOES love you Carrie!!"
(With eyes still shut) "Yes, Mr Big does love Carrie"
Longest silence in the history of mankind follows.
Thinking Too Much
I freaked out last night.
I don't know what it is, and I do. The last few days when we have been together Mada has said to me that I look like I'm constantly "thinking" or about to say something and then hold back.
The truth is, I can't really believe how lucky I am and now, I am getting the fear, the fear of rejection. What if I finally, well and truly, let me guard down and then he breaks my heart, again? This time it would be breakable beyond repair.
He keeps reassuring me that he won't, he won't leave me, ever. It scares the shit out of me.
I don't know what it is, and I do. The last few days when we have been together Mada has said to me that I look like I'm constantly "thinking" or about to say something and then hold back.
The truth is, I can't really believe how lucky I am and now, I am getting the fear, the fear of rejection. What if I finally, well and truly, let me guard down and then he breaks my heart, again? This time it would be breakable beyond repair.
He keeps reassuring me that he won't, he won't leave me, ever. It scares the shit out of me.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Owh, I'm annoyed!
Aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. So now, the Dream Job has come back to me, acknowledging my application but also saying that the interview (if selected) will not be held until 28th July... that's 2 weeks away!
Whilst it's aggravating, Butdunc has saved my sanity by telling me that she went on their website and that they have extended the closing date til next week. Therefore, whilst their email said they had received a large number of applications the website suggests otherwise - hence her logic was that maybe not enough people have applied - I hope so hunni, but then surely they should have just looked at my application and wanted me straight away - no?? ;)
The thing that worries me is that what if i get offered the school position and have to tell them yes/ no BEFORE I have the interview with the other company. Do I just say yes and then, if I get offered the other job, back out of the contract? Or do I risk it and not accept - if offered at all??
Why do situations always have to be like this? - If any one turns and says to me that it is a test from above, I'll smack 'em. Is there any one listening up there? Have i not been tested enough? :)
Meanwhile, I was woken up several times last night. Why you ask? Because every time Mada woke up he moved across the bed to cuddle up to me.
I can't understand it. Can someone really want to be with you that much?
Well, I like it. Even if I am tired.
Whilst it's aggravating, Butdunc has saved my sanity by telling me that she went on their website and that they have extended the closing date til next week. Therefore, whilst their email said they had received a large number of applications the website suggests otherwise - hence her logic was that maybe not enough people have applied - I hope so hunni, but then surely they should have just looked at my application and wanted me straight away - no?? ;)
The thing that worries me is that what if i get offered the school position and have to tell them yes/ no BEFORE I have the interview with the other company. Do I just say yes and then, if I get offered the other job, back out of the contract? Or do I risk it and not accept - if offered at all??
Why do situations always have to be like this? - If any one turns and says to me that it is a test from above, I'll smack 'em. Is there any one listening up there? Have i not been tested enough? :)
Meanwhile, I was woken up several times last night. Why you ask? Because every time Mada woke up he moved across the bed to cuddle up to me.
I can't understand it. Can someone really want to be with you that much?
Well, I like it. Even if I am tired.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Feeling Blue
I feel really, really down today and I don't know why...
Job hunting is progressing, Mada and I are doing well, I'm on the way to getting a car and I even ran 10 miles in 1hour 29mins with my sister today.
Maybe it's lack of sleep, every night this week I've been at Mada's and we've just been up until about 3am each time talking about us, the past, the future. It's amazing how well you can know some one but still, there is so much more to learn.
Maybe we talked too much about my past, Mada knows about my history but talking about it all kinda brought it all back, so maybe that's why I have plummeted down. But he was so lovely and wanted to understand more about it. I'm never scared to talk to him, just takes me a while to open up, and I will, in time and he knows that.
I'm sure a good meal and bottle of wine (with Mada and friends) and a good night's sleep will help. We're of to an Italian Restaurant in Virginia Waters - very nice place.
Our friends have just bought their house together so we are having a little celebration.
Job hunting is progressing, Mada and I are doing well, I'm on the way to getting a car and I even ran 10 miles in 1hour 29mins with my sister today.
Maybe it's lack of sleep, every night this week I've been at Mada's and we've just been up until about 3am each time talking about us, the past, the future. It's amazing how well you can know some one but still, there is so much more to learn.
Maybe we talked too much about my past, Mada knows about my history but talking about it all kinda brought it all back, so maybe that's why I have plummeted down. But he was so lovely and wanted to understand more about it. I'm never scared to talk to him, just takes me a while to open up, and I will, in time and he knows that.
I'm sure a good meal and bottle of wine (with Mada and friends) and a good night's sleep will help. We're of to an Italian Restaurant in Virginia Waters - very nice place.
Our friends have just bought their house together so we are having a little celebration.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
You've been Tangoed?
My sister is training to be a beautician and got her qualification up in London today to perform "Fake Bake". Some how, I have been "volunteered" as her first "practice" client on Saturday.
Whilst I don't really mind (it's my Sister, you do these things for them) I am kinda still nicely tanned from Vietnam and well, if things go wrong, I could be looking rather, um, orange.
Oh well, it only lasts a week and it's safer than getting skin cancer... I guess.
:)
Whilst I don't really mind (it's my Sister, you do these things for them) I am kinda still nicely tanned from Vietnam and well, if things go wrong, I could be looking rather, um, orange.
Oh well, it only lasts a week and it's safer than getting skin cancer... I guess.
:)
Dream Job Dillema
Hhhm.
So, i got the interview for the Learning Support Assistant (TA) job, it's this coming Wednesday. Which is great. But, I have this niggling feeling now of whether or not i really want to throw myself into this whole new career.
I have applied for another job, and it is, the DREAM job.
In a nutshell, the title is Programme Coordinator and its for a charity/ company who organise experiences for young adults (age 17-25) to travel abroad and teach. Their head office is in Reading but they have sub offices in Australia and NZ.
The job would involve managing the programmes, the people on them, prepping the young adults and their families on what to expect, keeping in contact with them whilst they're out in the field, relaying with embassies - the works. It's like, the perfect job.
I get to deal with all the things I have done and would love for other people to experience and i get to organise it all for them and share their experience, whilst getting to stay put here - but with the possibility of short trips to the sites and sub offices - fantastic! The best of both!
The job requires someone who has a degree, managerial experience and travelled/ lived abroad - all of which i have done. I am just praying that my testimony in the app will get me through. I sent the ap today and tomorrow is the closing date.
If I could just simply get the interview for next week and then find out at the same time if either will make an offer, life would be brilliant. I really want this job, I mean, the teaching would be great and I'm comfortable with taking that career path but this, this would just be simply awesome.
Please God, help me succeed. Work has been so hard to so long, I'd love to have this opportunity to be able to know, feel and say "i love my job".
Fingers and toes crossed :)
So, i got the interview for the Learning Support Assistant (TA) job, it's this coming Wednesday. Which is great. But, I have this niggling feeling now of whether or not i really want to throw myself into this whole new career.
I have applied for another job, and it is, the DREAM job.
In a nutshell, the title is Programme Coordinator and its for a charity/ company who organise experiences for young adults (age 17-25) to travel abroad and teach. Their head office is in Reading but they have sub offices in Australia and NZ.
The job would involve managing the programmes, the people on them, prepping the young adults and their families on what to expect, keeping in contact with them whilst they're out in the field, relaying with embassies - the works. It's like, the perfect job.
I get to deal with all the things I have done and would love for other people to experience and i get to organise it all for them and share their experience, whilst getting to stay put here - but with the possibility of short trips to the sites and sub offices - fantastic! The best of both!
The job requires someone who has a degree, managerial experience and travelled/ lived abroad - all of which i have done. I am just praying that my testimony in the app will get me through. I sent the ap today and tomorrow is the closing date.
If I could just simply get the interview for next week and then find out at the same time if either will make an offer, life would be brilliant. I really want this job, I mean, the teaching would be great and I'm comfortable with taking that career path but this, this would just be simply awesome.
Please God, help me succeed. Work has been so hard to so long, I'd love to have this opportunity to be able to know, feel and say "i love my job".
Fingers and toes crossed :)
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Mouse with a Cat Problem
This is what everybody is laughing over in the UK lately. It's so dam funny. It's a programme on E4 (but I've only seen it on youtube so far...)
Try searching "fonejacker" for more funnies from the same programme :)
Try searching "fonejacker" for more funnies from the same programme :)
Chi Sin Gweilo!!
A few close friends went to an "Asian Fusion" restaurant on Friday night. As it transpires all of the staff were of a Chinese Descent.
Suddenly my friend pipes up with "Chi sin gweilo!" and i burst out laughing! Everyone turned to me saying, what, what did he say?? Through hysterics (as my friend has even been to any Chinese speaking country) I said, he just called me a crazy man!
One thing led to another and before i knew it, i was rolling out one word profanities and one liners to my friends. So every time we got served, one opf them would say "mg goi" or "gum xia" or "xia xia" Wahaha.
The waiting staff were in hysterics and word soon got round that the (drunken) foursome at the end of the restaurant spoke Cantonese and other Chinese dialects. It just so happened that fortunately enough, I could understand EVERYTHING that the restaurant manager said! So when I replied with "Hoe sik" my friends were DESPERATE to know what we were saying :)
Next I got Bombies on the phone (poor girl, I was hammered, she had probably just got up) and had her translating on the phone for me - WHAT a hoot!
The rest of the weekend continued in a similar fashion, with playing Wii at the boy's house and travelling up to Oxford to go to Bicester Village to look at discount designers. I came back with a lip gloss (MAC) and a heavy heart after trying on a dress reduced from £600 to £200 that I HAD to say no to :(
~ the candy stripped one... sigh...
In the evening we all went for Curry, a buffet for all you can eat £12.95. I gave up with Tamil. I only know "Venakam" ;)
Weekend Anthem...
Suddenly my friend pipes up with "Chi sin gweilo!" and i burst out laughing! Everyone turned to me saying, what, what did he say?? Through hysterics (as my friend has even been to any Chinese speaking country) I said, he just called me a crazy man!
One thing led to another and before i knew it, i was rolling out one word profanities and one liners to my friends. So every time we got served, one opf them would say "mg goi" or "gum xia" or "xia xia" Wahaha.
The waiting staff were in hysterics and word soon got round that the (drunken) foursome at the end of the restaurant spoke Cantonese and other Chinese dialects. It just so happened that fortunately enough, I could understand EVERYTHING that the restaurant manager said! So when I replied with "Hoe sik" my friends were DESPERATE to know what we were saying :)
Next I got Bombies on the phone (poor girl, I was hammered, she had probably just got up) and had her translating on the phone for me - WHAT a hoot!
The rest of the weekend continued in a similar fashion, with playing Wii at the boy's house and travelling up to Oxford to go to Bicester Village to look at discount designers. I came back with a lip gloss (MAC) and a heavy heart after trying on a dress reduced from £600 to £200 that I HAD to say no to :(
~ the candy stripped one... sigh...
In the evening we all went for Curry, a buffet for all you can eat £12.95. I gave up with Tamil. I only know "Venakam" ;)
Weekend Anthem...
They flutter, constantly.
He calls his girlfriend because a programme on TV is showing off an amazing old fashioned house. She picks up the phone and they watch it together, whilst on the phone to one another. She loves every detail of the house. So does he.
2 days later...
It goes a little something like this...
"I keep thinking about that dream house" (serious tone)
"Well then i need to get a second job organised. Maybe i should sell my body on the street, at least i won't get taxed for that" (jokes)
"I don't want you to sleep with anyone else so please don't do that" (jokes)
"OK, well, how long are you going to keep this up for? because we seriously need more cash" (jokes)
Pause.
"forever" (serious)
...
...
...
"um, shut up you idiot" (blushes, diverts eyes, smiles, butterflies in tummy)
2 days later...
It goes a little something like this...
"I keep thinking about that dream house" (serious tone)
"Well then i need to get a second job organised. Maybe i should sell my body on the street, at least i won't get taxed for that" (jokes)
"I don't want you to sleep with anyone else so please don't do that" (jokes)
"OK, well, how long are you going to keep this up for? because we seriously need more cash" (jokes)
Pause.
"forever" (serious)
...
...
...
"um, shut up you idiot" (blushes, diverts eyes, smiles, butterflies in tummy)
Friday, July 3, 2009
Oh those Chavs...
ButDunc and i went down The Quays in Mytchett on Tuesday night. Man I love that place. A pub, right out on the lake, the sun was pouring down on us whilst we gossiped for hours about love and life.
As it got late we had cravings for McDonald's Chocolate Fudge Sundaes but as they don't sell them in Blighty (and why the fuck not??) we went to get McFlurries instead (which are nice but NOTHING in comparison).
As we drove up to the second drive-through (as the first had run out - wtf?) I suggested we just ate in the car as we were listening to some good music and were comfy - hoho! But to my horror the car park was absolutely FULL of chavs!!
Chavs of all shapes and sizes, smoking, drinking cider out of a bottle, throwing McDonald's wrappers EVERYWHERE, jumping on one another cars, swearing... I screamed at Butdunc to close the goddammutherfunky windows and lock the doors - I'm so scared of them! haha.
In the end we decided to drive to the Homebase Car park (which was empty) and eat our delicious ice creams in peace, chav free.
For Malaysians who do not know what chavs are, please find the following reference:
As it got late we had cravings for McDonald's Chocolate Fudge Sundaes but as they don't sell them in Blighty (and why the fuck not??) we went to get McFlurries instead (which are nice but NOTHING in comparison).
As we drove up to the second drive-through (as the first had run out - wtf?) I suggested we just ate in the car as we were listening to some good music and were comfy - hoho! But to my horror the car park was absolutely FULL of chavs!!
Chavs of all shapes and sizes, smoking, drinking cider out of a bottle, throwing McDonald's wrappers EVERYWHERE, jumping on one another cars, swearing... I screamed at Butdunc to close the goddammutherfunky windows and lock the doors - I'm so scared of them! haha.
In the end we decided to drive to the Homebase Car park (which was empty) and eat our delicious ice creams in peace, chav free.
For Malaysians who do not know what chavs are, please find the following reference:
Thursday, July 2, 2009
He IS into you
You're the exception to the rule. You are.
- ButDunc, thank you for saving me from becoming truley suicidal today.
- ButDunc, thank you for saving me from becoming truley suicidal today.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
So this is what it's like...
Finally, I am remembering how it feels to be in a REAL relationship. After my disastrous emotionally abusive "relationship" in Hong Kong and then the shagless wonder (aka Blanks) in KL, I am finally in a mature relationship, which includes having respect for one another and oh, caring for one another. And not being afraid to show it.
It had been so long (3 and a half years if i am precise) since my last "proper" long term relationship I'd almost forgotten what is supposed to happen and how to behave.
... I love that you text me to see how my day is going, i love that even though i have seen you every day since I've been back, I felt like i missed you when i didn't see you yesterday. I love that I could tell you that over the phone last night when you called to say good night...
It really is that easy. No games, no messing about. You like me and i like you. It really is that easy and it feels great.
It had been so long (3 and a half years if i am precise) since my last "proper" long term relationship I'd almost forgotten what is supposed to happen and how to behave.
... I love that you text me to see how my day is going, i love that even though i have seen you every day since I've been back, I felt like i missed you when i didn't see you yesterday. I love that I could tell you that over the phone last night when you called to say good night...
It really is that easy. No games, no messing about. You like me and i like you. It really is that easy and it feels great.
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About Me
- Bubs
- Surrey, United Kingdom
- "I have found that if a problem rears its head, the best way to deal with it is by being highly emotional, inconsistent and super irrational and the problem tends to go away..."