We had the FRIGHT of our LIVES this morning. As I dragged myself out of bed to my Mum's boundless childlike energy and made my way down to our living room to open "Santa's" presents we heard this strange sound come from our chimney.
As we all looked over we saw dust start to pour down and a random twig land on the floor. I joked that Santa was stuck and my Step Dad said it was probably the wind outside shifting the dirt. But there was no wind...
My parents decided to turn on the gas fire (I don't really understand why) and my Step dad went outside to look at the Chimney just to check nothing untoward was going on. Suddenly there was this crazy noise and then BAM a giant PIGEON was lying on our fire place!!! Covered in ash and crap and shaking furiously!
I screamed and jumped up on the sofa and my Mum yelled for my Step Dad. I then started to piss myself laughing - what the HELL were we gonna do with this pigeon in our living room???
As I started to order and instruct my Step Dad what to do (open the patio door and grab a towel to pick it up in!) he said well you seem to know what to do - you do it! Ha! I said I'd only seen that they pick up birds from behind and hold their wings so they can't move on animal rescue shows I wasn't going to actually do it! But my Mum stood there in her dressing gown and rollers, my Step dad suddenly confessed out of no where he had a fear of birds and I had no choice!
So I crepped up behind it in my fleece PJs and a giant towel and slowly crouched down and wrapped it in the towel and carried it outside... the poor thing was making some WEIRD noises and shaking like mad but it was as light as air - I was surprised. All the while, my Mum stood there all snappy happy taking photos (which I'll upload to this blog later!) and placed him outside.
Pete, (who I fondly refer to him as) slowly moved away and nestled himself amongst the shrubbery in our garden. I was the hero! Haha! We all laughed about it after and even now as I glance out of the window I can see him on top of our fence. His wings aren't broken as he managed to fly up there but the poor thing is obviously in shock! We're keeping an eye on Pete and will call the RSPCA if he doesn't appear to get any better in the next few hours... or alternatively... cook him for lunch! :P
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Midnight Mass (& all the drama surrounding it!)
Yesterday I went into town with Mr Big and Jacek for last minute shopping - I had to help Mr Big choose a perfume for his Mum and help Jacek buy gifts for the other boys.
As we got in the car to head back to do our last bits and bobs before meeting again later, Jacek coyly asked me a question. He asked me (in the sweetest, most un-offending way) if I wouldn't mind not talking about the past when we all went to Mass tonight - why? Because his new girlfriend was coming too. Aiyo!
Just to give you a little history, Jacek was my first boyfriend and I was his first at the ripe old age of 17. We lost our virginity to one another. We dated for about 2 and a half years, during which time my depression first manifested in its full form and eventually I decided to end our relationship because I couldn't handle the strain I had put Jacek under and in fairness, he was too young to have to deal with all that shit. I wanted him to go off and have fun whilst I tried to find a way out of my black hole...
For a few years when I saw him it was never really that comfortable but 6 years on we get on as well as we did when we dated and it's great because when we all hang out together everyone feels happy and we have a real laugh. It seems everyone looks back at those times (including us) with happy memories of our Childhood. We were the couple that held the group together and Jacek is the only ex I have been comfortable to be friends with after a break up. Although I was depressed I hid it well and although it was always present I was genuinely happy when I was with Jacek, the depression was just a part of my life the loomed in the background.
So anyway, I said to Jacek, well doesn't she know we broke up over half a decade ago? And that we were just kids really! And he said yes, but she can be quite jealous etc. and doesn't understand how I can be friends with an ex-girlfriend. I felt sorry for her and didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable (after all, we were gong with Jacek's family). So in the end, I said I would go to another Church and not to worry but Jacek insisted I came but just be sensitive.... ok....
Later in the evening I talked to my Mum and asked her if she thought I should go, she said she could understand how the girl would feel (I guess she would look at me and think - that girl has had sex with my boyfriend!) but then Jacek rang me once again to ensure i was coming and told me how much his family were looking forward to seeing me! Oh dear!
So after my Christmas Eve family meal I made my way out to Jacek's place and Mr Big came to meet me in his car, as we got out at Jacek's he gave me a big passionate kiss which took me quite by suprise and simply said "well, you were never going to kiss me were you?" *blush* why am I always so shy? We stood kissing for a little while out in the cold with my whole tiny self enwrapped in his big arms, before correcting my lip gloss and heading in.
As we arrived, Jacek's parents went CRAZY they were really excited to see me and the girlfriend stood back. We met once before and I was really nice to her and found her pleasant and I gave her a kiss and said hi. We all scrambled in the car and headed to Church.
My God. I now understand why people in the UK find religion on the whole SUCH a drag. Although the Christmas Carols were lovely, no one really got "into" it and as the vicar spoke there seemed no heart or passion in what he had to say. I sighed, I wish my friends could experience what I have, but all the same, it felt good to be there. Whilst sitting there I thought of Bombies, Mr J and Blanks and all they had done this year which had lead me to this point. I felt thankful to have had them in my life.
As we left, I shook the Vicar's hand and wished him a blessed Christmas and Jacek's Mum turned to me and said "all those years you refused to join us and now suddenly you want to come, why?" As I quietly mentioned that I had started to attend Church she nearly jumped for joy, hugging me saying "There is so much I don't know about you, I am so happy to see this change in you" I glanced back at Jacek and he smiled at me and I gave him a reassuring wink, as I turned back I caught the girlfriend's eye... if looks could kill...!
The irony is that when I was dating Jacek, his Mum seemed not so keen on me - I think it was the "you're stealing my only Son" syndrome. As we got back to Jacek's for some wine, I remembered to sit away from Jacek and his Mum again, conveniently plonked herself next to me whispering "you were always my favourite of the girlfriend's he's had" - Oh crikey!!!! I just smiled and joked she was my favourite Mum of my boyfriends....!
As we left to go home at nearly 03.00am I tucked myself into my bed and awoke at about 10.00am to a message from Mr Big asking if I was still awake... he'd sent it at 03.30... I wonder what had been on his mind...
In summary, it wasn't quite the Mass I had been expecting... but I'm so glad I went all the same.
And now onto this mornings drama...!
As we got in the car to head back to do our last bits and bobs before meeting again later, Jacek coyly asked me a question. He asked me (in the sweetest, most un-offending way) if I wouldn't mind not talking about the past when we all went to Mass tonight - why? Because his new girlfriend was coming too. Aiyo!
Just to give you a little history, Jacek was my first boyfriend and I was his first at the ripe old age of 17. We lost our virginity to one another. We dated for about 2 and a half years, during which time my depression first manifested in its full form and eventually I decided to end our relationship because I couldn't handle the strain I had put Jacek under and in fairness, he was too young to have to deal with all that shit. I wanted him to go off and have fun whilst I tried to find a way out of my black hole...
For a few years when I saw him it was never really that comfortable but 6 years on we get on as well as we did when we dated and it's great because when we all hang out together everyone feels happy and we have a real laugh. It seems everyone looks back at those times (including us) with happy memories of our Childhood. We were the couple that held the group together and Jacek is the only ex I have been comfortable to be friends with after a break up. Although I was depressed I hid it well and although it was always present I was genuinely happy when I was with Jacek, the depression was just a part of my life the loomed in the background.
So anyway, I said to Jacek, well doesn't she know we broke up over half a decade ago? And that we were just kids really! And he said yes, but she can be quite jealous etc. and doesn't understand how I can be friends with an ex-girlfriend. I felt sorry for her and didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable (after all, we were gong with Jacek's family). So in the end, I said I would go to another Church and not to worry but Jacek insisted I came but just be sensitive.... ok....
Later in the evening I talked to my Mum and asked her if she thought I should go, she said she could understand how the girl would feel (I guess she would look at me and think - that girl has had sex with my boyfriend!) but then Jacek rang me once again to ensure i was coming and told me how much his family were looking forward to seeing me! Oh dear!
So after my Christmas Eve family meal I made my way out to Jacek's place and Mr Big came to meet me in his car, as we got out at Jacek's he gave me a big passionate kiss which took me quite by suprise and simply said "well, you were never going to kiss me were you?" *blush* why am I always so shy? We stood kissing for a little while out in the cold with my whole tiny self enwrapped in his big arms, before correcting my lip gloss and heading in.
As we arrived, Jacek's parents went CRAZY they were really excited to see me and the girlfriend stood back. We met once before and I was really nice to her and found her pleasant and I gave her a kiss and said hi. We all scrambled in the car and headed to Church.
My God. I now understand why people in the UK find religion on the whole SUCH a drag. Although the Christmas Carols were lovely, no one really got "into" it and as the vicar spoke there seemed no heart or passion in what he had to say. I sighed, I wish my friends could experience what I have, but all the same, it felt good to be there. Whilst sitting there I thought of Bombies, Mr J and Blanks and all they had done this year which had lead me to this point. I felt thankful to have had them in my life.
As we left, I shook the Vicar's hand and wished him a blessed Christmas and Jacek's Mum turned to me and said "all those years you refused to join us and now suddenly you want to come, why?" As I quietly mentioned that I had started to attend Church she nearly jumped for joy, hugging me saying "There is so much I don't know about you, I am so happy to see this change in you" I glanced back at Jacek and he smiled at me and I gave him a reassuring wink, as I turned back I caught the girlfriend's eye... if looks could kill...!
The irony is that when I was dating Jacek, his Mum seemed not so keen on me - I think it was the "you're stealing my only Son" syndrome. As we got back to Jacek's for some wine, I remembered to sit away from Jacek and his Mum again, conveniently plonked herself next to me whispering "you were always my favourite of the girlfriend's he's had" - Oh crikey!!!! I just smiled and joked she was my favourite Mum of my boyfriends....!
As we left to go home at nearly 03.00am I tucked myself into my bed and awoke at about 10.00am to a message from Mr Big asking if I was still awake... he'd sent it at 03.30... I wonder what had been on his mind...
In summary, it wasn't quite the Mass I had been expecting... but I'm so glad I went all the same.
And now onto this mornings drama...!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I'll see you on the other side!
When you tell someone you want to be alone for a while they should respect it. Especially when you are in your own home and have just spent the WHOLE day with them and will be spending the WHOLE of tomorrow with them.
After poking their head around the door for the third time in half an hour, you take a deep breath and patiently say, "I did ask if you could leave me to myself for a little while".
They get stroppy and walk out. Ten minutes later they ask, "Am I allowed to talk to you yet?" You sigh, give up and realise you won't be able to blog until you're back in your own home, in 2009.
After poking their head around the door for the third time in half an hour, you take a deep breath and patiently say, "I did ask if you could leave me to myself for a little while".
They get stroppy and walk out. Ten minutes later they ask, "Am I allowed to talk to you yet?" You sigh, give up and realise you won't be able to blog until you're back in your own home, in 2009.
Faking It
Today we had all the family over (+ Mr Big) for a gathering. It was great to see my cousins, my Gran and my extended family all together. My Step Dad (Papa Dob) even put on a video of us all from Christmas 1994 when us cousins were doing a "Show" involving singing, dancing, juggling - it was really funny. I was so embarrassed though, I physically turned away from the screen when the camera zoomed in on me, and everyone "awh"ed. haha.
It was hard work though, especially with my Gran who turns 90 next year. She is totally amazing and I admire and love her SO much, we always have long chats and I could spend hours with her, listening to her funny stories from back in the day. But today she must have asked me (and I'm not exaggerating on this occasion) over a dozen times "When are you coming home?" at first I joked and laughed it off and said "I'm home now" (smile). But after a while, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said once again "Please come home, I worry about you so much" and started telling me about how sometimes she calls out for me in the night, thinking I'm sleeping in the next room or gets up and starts to make me breakfast - it broke my heart. Eventually I told her "One day, I promise".
What made it harder is that she kept saying, I don't worry about your Sister because she has Billy* but you're out there on your own. I tried telling her that just because someone is on their own doesn't make them any more unsafe or unhappier than a married person (smile), but I guess she comes from a generation where marriage = happiness. I know that all she wants is to see her Grand Children settled down and "happy" (married) but I can't live my life for other people's dreams, I have to live it for my own.
Even worse, she would turn to Mr Big (she's known him as long as I have) and say, "Tell her to come home would you, she'll listen to you" and he just turned to me and said "Come home". It was SO hard, and it wasn't like it was just them, I felt like that was all that was on people's mind. Even my Mum said to my family when she thought I was out of ear shot "Just because I don't say it, doesn't mean I don't want her home too". In fact, on second thought, she knew I was just within earshot.
I feel like I'm punishing those closest to me, but at the same time, the more they wish for me to come back from my "jolly" the more it makes me want to stay away. I can't explain why, it just aggravates me. I feel like no one understands my life, what I do, why I enjoy it so. Even Mr Big turned to me and said "Well, what's so special about Malaysia then?". Even a man who has been in my life for over 8 years doesn't seem to understand me. I replied "I don't know". Perhaps I don't even know, myself.
How can I tell them that I want to live in Malaysia, indefinitely. Or else, anywhere BUT here?
It was hard work though, especially with my Gran who turns 90 next year. She is totally amazing and I admire and love her SO much, we always have long chats and I could spend hours with her, listening to her funny stories from back in the day. But today she must have asked me (and I'm not exaggerating on this occasion) over a dozen times "When are you coming home?" at first I joked and laughed it off and said "I'm home now" (smile). But after a while, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said once again "Please come home, I worry about you so much" and started telling me about how sometimes she calls out for me in the night, thinking I'm sleeping in the next room or gets up and starts to make me breakfast - it broke my heart. Eventually I told her "One day, I promise".
What made it harder is that she kept saying, I don't worry about your Sister because she has Billy* but you're out there on your own. I tried telling her that just because someone is on their own doesn't make them any more unsafe or unhappier than a married person (smile), but I guess she comes from a generation where marriage = happiness. I know that all she wants is to see her Grand Children settled down and "happy" (married) but I can't live my life for other people's dreams, I have to live it for my own.
Even worse, she would turn to Mr Big (she's known him as long as I have) and say, "Tell her to come home would you, she'll listen to you" and he just turned to me and said "Come home". It was SO hard, and it wasn't like it was just them, I felt like that was all that was on people's mind. Even my Mum said to my family when she thought I was out of ear shot "Just because I don't say it, doesn't mean I don't want her home too". In fact, on second thought, she knew I was just within earshot.
I feel like I'm punishing those closest to me, but at the same time, the more they wish for me to come back from my "jolly" the more it makes me want to stay away. I can't explain why, it just aggravates me. I feel like no one understands my life, what I do, why I enjoy it so. Even Mr Big turned to me and said "Well, what's so special about Malaysia then?". Even a man who has been in my life for over 8 years doesn't seem to understand me. I replied "I don't know". Perhaps I don't even know, myself.
How can I tell them that I want to live in Malaysia, indefinitely. Or else, anywhere BUT here?
Friday, December 19, 2008
Ten Reasons... Why I'm Smiling
1) It was the first Chilly morning I've experienced in KL and I drove to work with the windows down, sunglasses on, air con off and music up
2) The sky is now Blue and the Sun is shining
3) My friend rang me from Kuching just to inform me she was going for Kolok Mee
3a) Which lead to the following conversation with my colleagues:
[10:09:44 AM] Bubs says: Ooooh my friend just rang me from Kuching.. she is going for Kolok Mee... I wanna go too....!
[10:10:13 AM] JT says: I WANT I WANT!!!!
[10:10:18 AM] MT says: me too! me too!
[10:12:01 AM] Bubs says: I've never tried.... but I feel it is a dish I'd love....
[10:12:24 AM] Bubs says: And REAL sarawak laksa...... sigh.....
[10:13:35 AM] MT says: kolok mee and sarawak laksa are in the blood of every true born sarawakian.
[10:14:34 AM] JT says: then, i'm not true born. i only like kolok mee. :D
[10:16:54 AM] Bubs says: You obviously haven't been to Lucky Garden - it's heaven, in a bowl!
[10:23:48 AM] JT says: ooh...sounds enticing!
4) I bought Candy for the Starbucks Team as a Christmas offering and they gave me a free latte as a gift back
5) I'm flying back to the UK tomorrow and will see my family
6) Blanks called last night for coffee. After an initial flustered 10 seconds (exclaiming to Bombies raised eye brow "I don't want to discuss it") I became totally unphased by it.
7) One of my male KL friends text me this morning and referred to me as "Princess"
8) Mr J told me that the canvas has arrived and so he can start working on my painting soon
9) Went for Supper with Bombies and Mr J last night and discussed starting my own business... the dream of doing so is enough to put it on this list
10) I feel loved.
If I don't get the opportunity to blog over the next few days in the lead up to Christmas, I wish you a very merry one and I hope all your dreams for 2009 come true.
2) The sky is now Blue and the Sun is shining
3) My friend rang me from Kuching just to inform me she was going for Kolok Mee
3a) Which lead to the following conversation with my colleagues:
[10:09:44 AM] Bubs says: Ooooh my friend just rang me from Kuching.. she is going for Kolok Mee... I wanna go too....!
[10:10:13 AM] JT says: I WANT I WANT!!!!
[10:10:18 AM] MT says: me too! me too!
[10:12:01 AM] Bubs says: I've never tried.... but I feel it is a dish I'd love....
[10:12:24 AM] Bubs says: And REAL sarawak laksa...... sigh.....
[10:13:35 AM] MT says: kolok mee and sarawak laksa are in the blood of every true born sarawakian.
[10:14:34 AM] JT says: then, i'm not true born. i only like kolok mee. :D
[10:16:54 AM] Bubs says: You obviously haven't been to Lucky Garden - it's heaven, in a bowl!
[10:23:48 AM] JT says: ooh...sounds enticing!
4) I bought Candy for the Starbucks Team as a Christmas offering and they gave me a free latte as a gift back
5) I'm flying back to the UK tomorrow and will see my family
6) Blanks called last night for coffee. After an initial flustered 10 seconds (exclaiming to Bombies raised eye brow "I don't want to discuss it") I became totally unphased by it.
7) One of my male KL friends text me this morning and referred to me as "Princess"
8) Mr J told me that the canvas has arrived and so he can start working on my painting soon
9) Went for Supper with Bombies and Mr J last night and discussed starting my own business... the dream of doing so is enough to put it on this list
10) I feel loved.
If I don't get the opportunity to blog over the next few days in the lead up to Christmas, I wish you a very merry one and I hope all your dreams for 2009 come true.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
2009 and Beyond...
Well I have decided to train to do the Singapore Full Marathon on the 6th December 2009 - just under a year away.
I was discussing it with my PT last night and I told him I was serious about getting my arse in gear, changing my diet, doing more weight training on my legs (to strengthen my knees), and preparing to run a marathon and run it well.
My first target includes completing one half marathon every 6-8 weeks (whether it be competitive or in training) and reducing my time to 2 hours. Yikes! We're going to design a programme that's going to be flexible around my work but means I can train outdoors too (early morning rise on a Saturday then it would seem!)
I have asked my Sister to come over to Singapore and run it with me as her running speed is similar to mine, I'm hoping she'll agree. We did talk about doing the Flora London marathon in 2010 (Will be changed to Virgin Marathon after 2009 apparently) which she was up for but I'd really like to do a marathon next year. Fingers crossed she'll say yes, it would be awesome to cross the finish line with her.
In the meantime I'm feeling much more positive about the year ahead and thinking about all the opportunties that lie. I'm going to stop looking at this whole situation as a negative one but one of opportunity - I've got one year of being paid in a job that I don't like left, BUT that gives me one whole year to search for the "perfect" job in the meantime or jobs plural.
I was thinking... if I could get the right Visas I could have so much fun....
For example:
- Teach part time in an International School (Get to work with kids)
- Unpaid weekend position with BFM (Get to work in Media)
- Freelance GX Instructor (Get to work in Fitness)
Could you imagine? Juggle all three - I'd have the dream combination.... no money... but who cares... I'd be living the dream! (Haha) let's see what I can do hu?
Wow, 2009 is gonna be one heck of a challenge. And that's just the planning phase - 2010 is when it's all going to change. That's if... something doesn't happen in the meantime which takes me in a different direction, which inevitably, looking at my life to date, will!
I was discussing it with my PT last night and I told him I was serious about getting my arse in gear, changing my diet, doing more weight training on my legs (to strengthen my knees), and preparing to run a marathon and run it well.
My first target includes completing one half marathon every 6-8 weeks (whether it be competitive or in training) and reducing my time to 2 hours. Yikes! We're going to design a programme that's going to be flexible around my work but means I can train outdoors too (early morning rise on a Saturday then it would seem!)
I have asked my Sister to come over to Singapore and run it with me as her running speed is similar to mine, I'm hoping she'll agree. We did talk about doing the Flora London marathon in 2010 (Will be changed to Virgin Marathon after 2009 apparently) which she was up for but I'd really like to do a marathon next year. Fingers crossed she'll say yes, it would be awesome to cross the finish line with her.
In the meantime I'm feeling much more positive about the year ahead and thinking about all the opportunties that lie. I'm going to stop looking at this whole situation as a negative one but one of opportunity - I've got one year of being paid in a job that I don't like left, BUT that gives me one whole year to search for the "perfect" job in the meantime or jobs plural.
I was thinking... if I could get the right Visas I could have so much fun....
For example:
- Teach part time in an International School (Get to work with kids)
- Unpaid weekend position with BFM (Get to work in Media)
- Freelance GX Instructor (Get to work in Fitness)
Could you imagine? Juggle all three - I'd have the dream combination.... no money... but who cares... I'd be living the dream! (Haha) let's see what I can do hu?
Wow, 2009 is gonna be one heck of a challenge. And that's just the planning phase - 2010 is when it's all going to change. That's if... something doesn't happen in the meantime which takes me in a different direction, which inevitably, looking at my life to date, will!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Passionate Pain
~ I wrote these two blogs below in word format this morning when I got into the office and was really pissed off - can ya tell? I've calmed down now but it's always good to add these throws of passion into my blog for good measure.
Oh, interesting fact, I learnt yesterday that the word passion derives from the Italian word which means "pain". I then thought about the film "The Passion of Christ". A duplex meaning.
But isn't it true, that in all passion there are elements of pain too....
Thought of the day for you.
Oh, interesting fact, I learnt yesterday that the word passion derives from the Italian word which means "pain". I then thought about the film "The Passion of Christ". A duplex meaning.
But isn't it true, that in all passion there are elements of pain too....
Thought of the day for you.
Skin & Bones
I feel offended. One of my friends from the UK who I’ve known since I was about 11 left a comment on one of my photos on FB saying that I looked “soooooo skinny” I laughed it off and said I was going for the lean/ athletic look as oppose to the latter.
Then some emails have been going back and forth between friends as we are trying to plan a get together and she keeps addressing me as “Hey Miss Skinny” and “Can’t wait to see your skinny body” I’m like – WTF?
Then last night, I was at the hair dressers and I bumped into a girl that I use to hang out with all the time when I first moved to KL, I can’t have seen her in so long as she said oh this is the first time I’ve seen you with braces. But more notably the first thing she said was “oh my god you’re so skinny” I just said thank you as I’m getting use to this (what I feel is a criticism) comment. Then as she left she hugged me and said “you should really try and put some weight on over Christmas, you don’t even look like you any more”. I was like … speechless!
Maybe it’s me but I think of a skinny person as someone who doesn’t work out, has no muscle definition and no fat - "skin and bone". I personally like to think of my body as “slim” or “trim” because I know for a fact that I am not skinny. I have a bit of a belly on me (which I like to refer to as my food baby) and the rest of me, well, yeh its ok, it’s in proportion. But I would say its lean as in, I have muscle definition especially in my legs from running and my arms and shoulders are nicely defined. I know my chest is a bit boney but that is common in runners too. I am really distressed by this constant “skinny” comment.
The thing that bugs me the most is you start to wonder how “fat” you really were before and why people told you that you weren’t fat before you lost weight but yet constantly fixate on your weight loss. If you weren’t over weight in the first place then how can you become under weight?
I’m not one of these people who have a distorted body image, I know what I look like. Yes I admit, I scrutinize myself a bit, especially lately as ironically I have gained about 3 kilos in the last couple of months but I know all in all, my figure is “alright” I’m a size 10.
So please, if you want to compliment me tell me the following:
1) You look so slim
2) Your boobs look huge today
That's all that's necessary, really.
Then some emails have been going back and forth between friends as we are trying to plan a get together and she keeps addressing me as “Hey Miss Skinny” and “Can’t wait to see your skinny body” I’m like – WTF?
Then last night, I was at the hair dressers and I bumped into a girl that I use to hang out with all the time when I first moved to KL, I can’t have seen her in so long as she said oh this is the first time I’ve seen you with braces. But more notably the first thing she said was “oh my god you’re so skinny” I just said thank you as I’m getting use to this (what I feel is a criticism) comment. Then as she left she hugged me and said “you should really try and put some weight on over Christmas, you don’t even look like you any more”. I was like … speechless!
Maybe it’s me but I think of a skinny person as someone who doesn’t work out, has no muscle definition and no fat - "skin and bone". I personally like to think of my body as “slim” or “trim” because I know for a fact that I am not skinny. I have a bit of a belly on me (which I like to refer to as my food baby) and the rest of me, well, yeh its ok, it’s in proportion. But I would say its lean as in, I have muscle definition especially in my legs from running and my arms and shoulders are nicely defined. I know my chest is a bit boney but that is common in runners too. I am really distressed by this constant “skinny” comment.
The thing that bugs me the most is you start to wonder how “fat” you really were before and why people told you that you weren’t fat before you lost weight but yet constantly fixate on your weight loss. If you weren’t over weight in the first place then how can you become under weight?
I’m not one of these people who have a distorted body image, I know what I look like. Yes I admit, I scrutinize myself a bit, especially lately as ironically I have gained about 3 kilos in the last couple of months but I know all in all, my figure is “alright” I’m a size 10.
So please, if you want to compliment me tell me the following:
1) You look so slim
2) Your boobs look huge today
That's all that's necessary, really.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T
My shitty job is pissing me off. Yet again I come into the office to find another new development and project (created by the UK office) that I have to work on and have not been consulted over.
I called my boss in HK and I think he could tell I was upset (my voice goes a little strained), he agreed with me as to why I was so upset and said that he was going to address the matter straight away. Why am I always seen as a subsidiary manager? They had a “Managers Meeting” the other week in the UK to which my HK manager attended and so did all the others EXCEPT for me and I said to him, if I’m a manager surely I should be there too? He agreed and yet again apologized on their behalf and said “Well you know how unorganized WR are”. They didn’t even send me the minutes! I don’t think they even took them!! If decisions are made that affect me or if I have to undertake new tasks in my day to day work then I should AT LEAST be consulted and my opinion sought. Not just turn up for work and find an email in my inbox outlining what is suddenly dumped upon and expected of me.
The latest is that they want a daily teleconference with me and my in patient coordinators everyday at 5pm (9am their time). I can guarantee you this will not last. I leave work for Christmas in 3 days and by the New Year they will have forgotten all about this new structure. It will be either that someone has arrived into the office late in the UK, or we are all kept back waiting for them, or it’s forgotten or cancelled. They would expect us to wait til 5.30-6.00pm until everyone is there, but would they even IMAGINE coming in at 7.30-08.00am? No. I know how CRAP my company is. I’m so sick of this. It’s like they say “Jump!” And I’m suppose to say “How high?” Fuckers. They can go fuck themselves I’m sick of this shit. I’ll be dammed if I go into the UK office when I’m back on my annual leave time. Piss off.
I can’t stand this fucking place. I know this may sound like a minor matter but it’s one minor matter after another, after another for 3 dam years! My manager is going to get an earful from me in my appraisal in January. What pisses me off the most is that he understands and tries to support me as much as he can (he often feels he is treated the same, seeing as he is remote in Asia too) but it makes fuck all difference.
I’m not worthy of my company, they do not value me. But I tell you, if I left this office today and never came back they would be totally and utterly fucked. NO ONE from the UK would want to work here and do this job. I’m leaving this company by the end of 2009. You mark my words. And if I don’t, somebody shoot me.
I called my boss in HK and I think he could tell I was upset (my voice goes a little strained), he agreed with me as to why I was so upset and said that he was going to address the matter straight away. Why am I always seen as a subsidiary manager? They had a “Managers Meeting” the other week in the UK to which my HK manager attended and so did all the others EXCEPT for me and I said to him, if I’m a manager surely I should be there too? He agreed and yet again apologized on their behalf and said “Well you know how unorganized WR are”. They didn’t even send me the minutes! I don’t think they even took them!! If decisions are made that affect me or if I have to undertake new tasks in my day to day work then I should AT LEAST be consulted and my opinion sought. Not just turn up for work and find an email in my inbox outlining what is suddenly dumped upon and expected of me.
The latest is that they want a daily teleconference with me and my in patient coordinators everyday at 5pm (9am their time). I can guarantee you this will not last. I leave work for Christmas in 3 days and by the New Year they will have forgotten all about this new structure. It will be either that someone has arrived into the office late in the UK, or we are all kept back waiting for them, or it’s forgotten or cancelled. They would expect us to wait til 5.30-6.00pm until everyone is there, but would they even IMAGINE coming in at 7.30-08.00am? No. I know how CRAP my company is. I’m so sick of this. It’s like they say “Jump!” And I’m suppose to say “How high?” Fuckers. They can go fuck themselves I’m sick of this shit. I’ll be dammed if I go into the UK office when I’m back on my annual leave time. Piss off.
I can’t stand this fucking place. I know this may sound like a minor matter but it’s one minor matter after another, after another for 3 dam years! My manager is going to get an earful from me in my appraisal in January. What pisses me off the most is that he understands and tries to support me as much as he can (he often feels he is treated the same, seeing as he is remote in Asia too) but it makes fuck all difference.
I’m not worthy of my company, they do not value me. But I tell you, if I left this office today and never came back they would be totally and utterly fucked. NO ONE from the UK would want to work here and do this job. I’m leaving this company by the end of 2009. You mark my words. And if I don’t, somebody shoot me.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Where's my map?
Mr J made a very clever analogy today after Church today which made me laugh. We were discussing how God has our lives planned out for us and if we didn’t just keep fucking up, the end result would be pretty dam good. But instead, we make continuous mistakes, poorly judged decisions and fall off the track here and there. Mr J said it’s like GPS – we take a wrong route and although the ETA will no doubt be affected, the GPS just recalculates and shows us a new route to try and get us back on the straight and narrow. He’s so right. But GPS is such a know it all, sometimes you deliberately take a wrong turning just because you think you know a better route. Just like in life, we have a sudden urge to do something reckless and the recovery period can be long and hard.
I know and I admit, openly that I’m still searching for someone to complete me. I guess that’s why they call it your “other half”. Someone to share my dreams, my passions, my laughter and my love . Right now, I’ll continue to clean my toilet with all but my undies and rubber gloves on, lie on my sofa eating chocolate with my fleece PJ’s which have pictures of frogs all over them and once in a while get an early nights rest on a Sunday and sit, as I am now – in my lovely clean sheets, yummy smelling candles all around me, listening to Café del Mar, blogging and smiling at what on earth 2009 could possibly have in store for me…
I know and I admit, openly that I’m still searching for someone to complete me. I guess that’s why they call it your “other half”. Someone to share my dreams, my passions, my laughter and my love . Right now, I’ll continue to clean my toilet with all but my undies and rubber gloves on, lie on my sofa eating chocolate with my fleece PJ’s which have pictures of frogs all over them and once in a while get an early nights rest on a Sunday and sit, as I am now – in my lovely clean sheets, yummy smelling candles all around me, listening to Café del Mar, blogging and smiling at what on earth 2009 could possibly have in store for me…
Friday, December 12, 2008
I love my Ma
I don't feel like anyone is appreciating how ill I feel :(
Waaaaaa I actually called my Ma last night just to ask her to give me sympathy! I lay on my bed literally "waaaaing" to her complaining that my neck hurt so much I can't even turn it (which is true, it hurts like hell!)
She started harping on at me about taking painkillers, going to the doctors, having a proper diet, taking more rest, working less, stop partying and stop exercising - my response was, can you just be nice and make cooing noises at me and tell me I'm pretty please, which she subsequently did.
I ordered some Christmas flowers for her earlier in the week and they will arrive at her work tomorrow morning, sending her Christmas joy and reminding her that I will be back 'home', yet again in 1 weeks time. I hope they make her smile.
~ the flowers I ordered from www.longacres.co.uk
As much as my Mum isn't someone I turn to if I needed 'life' advice, she's always good for an over the phone cuddle and some love.
I love my Ma.
Waaaaaa I actually called my Ma last night just to ask her to give me sympathy! I lay on my bed literally "waaaaing" to her complaining that my neck hurt so much I can't even turn it (which is true, it hurts like hell!)
She started harping on at me about taking painkillers, going to the doctors, having a proper diet, taking more rest, working less, stop partying and stop exercising - my response was, can you just be nice and make cooing noises at me and tell me I'm pretty please, which she subsequently did.
I ordered some Christmas flowers for her earlier in the week and they will arrive at her work tomorrow morning, sending her Christmas joy and reminding her that I will be back 'home', yet again in 1 weeks time. I hope they make her smile.
~ the flowers I ordered from www.longacres.co.uk
As much as my Mum isn't someone I turn to if I needed 'life' advice, she's always good for an over the phone cuddle and some love.
I love my Ma.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Changing Rooms
I am a firm believer that friendships after relationships seldom work, as much as you want it to, as much as you try, as much as you convince yourself it will work, generally, it doesn't.
Once you have opened doors you can’t just shut them again and pretend you haven’t been through to the room on the other side and seen all the wonderful things it contains.
You can’t then just go back to the room you were in before. Because the whole time you are thinking about how much better the other room was and how unfair it is that someone put a padlock on it and you’re not allowed to go back. You try to break the padlock but find that you don't have the right key.
So I guess you’ll either stay in the original room and in time, you’ll deal with how dull it is in comparison, or, you’ll just walk out of the house altogether and find another room to walk into, to which the door will remain open.
Once you have opened doors you can’t just shut them again and pretend you haven’t been through to the room on the other side and seen all the wonderful things it contains.
You can’t then just go back to the room you were in before. Because the whole time you are thinking about how much better the other room was and how unfair it is that someone put a padlock on it and you’re not allowed to go back. You try to break the padlock but find that you don't have the right key.
So I guess you’ll either stay in the original room and in time, you’ll deal with how dull it is in comparison, or, you’ll just walk out of the house altogether and find another room to walk into, to which the door will remain open.
Wahoooo I did it!
I did it! I did it! I did it!
Distance: 21.2km Half Marathon
Where: Singapore Island
Time: 2 hours 28 minutes and 35 seconds
Position: 538th out of 3,044 women
Pain Factor: Most excruciating body pain yet (ranking higher than Mount Kinabalu epidemic)
Enjoyment Factor: positively 10/10
Would I do it again: Yes 100% BRING ON THE FULL MARATHON!
In the early hours of Sunday 7th December I woke from a restless 5 hour sleep to sound of my alarm belting out in my ear at the ungodly hour of 04.45am. I jumped out of bed and into the shower to try and wake myself up from my half awake/ half asleep/ semi dream/ coma. Recklessly shaking H to “get up, lazy bum”, gulped down a banana and 500ml of water and headed out into the blackness, bumping into thousands of zombies all dressed very similarly to myself. I was nervous but excited all the same, this is THE big day I had been working towards since before I knew it. I thought back to February when I thought running for 6 minutes was an achievement… those days were long gone.
As we made our way to the start line I moaned to H that I needed to pee… again… for the millionth time. I really don’t drink much fluid so the last few days were really taken its toll on my poor weak bladder, so we queued for the porta-loo with what seemed like 49,999 other racers. Eventually I got my good luck hug and I headed for the start line. I was stumped at about 150 metres short! But I was there, nevertheless.
The total number of people competing in the Full marathon, half marathon and 10K was 50,000 compared to the first race in 2002 which had a measly 2,665 competitors – crazy!
The music was pumping over the speakers, my adrenalin was high and the final minute countdown began I focused my energy, switched on my I pod, took a deep breath and begun.
The first 5K was a breeze, I concentrated on running at my all time slowest, but was surprised when I got to 5K and had already been running for well over 45 minutes, I really needed to up my pace if I wanted to make my 2.5 hour target. I was thankful I had taken the Imodium before the race, it certainly worked (and I wasn’t constipated afterwards) but all that water played havoc with my bladder! As I resisted the temptation to stop and take a pee (Paula Radcliff style) it eventually evaporated into seemingly salty sweat – nice! As I speeded up over the bridge I heard my name being called and H waving from the side line, I gave him a smile and a wave for the camera and continued on. The race went smoothly with no real comments at this time to make. But as I reached 12K I started to feel the pressure. I noticed a guy had been running very close to me for about 1km. Eventually I pulled out one side of my headphone and asked if he was pacesetting himself against me. He sheepishly smiled and said yes and I told him to at least be polite and introduce himself then! We exchanged names, shook hands and kept in line with each other for about 6K. I’ve never ran with anyone before. At first I felt kinda awkward but eventually it felt really comfortable having someone weave in and out through the slower runners and help keep my pace. When we passed water stations we nodded to one another agreeing whether to pause or not and every now and then he passed me some Energy gel, which I declined but was appreciative of. At our last water stop I quickly asked him what his target time was, he said 3 hours and I suddenly thought to myself, I might be helping him but he is a hindrance to my speed. As he continued to fall behind me (despite my gau ya’s! And lei lei’s!) he told me to go on without him (was comical, like something out of a movie “Forget about me! Save yourself la!” We laughed and I went off ahead. Each man for them self in a race I guess. In a selfish way I’m glad running isn’t a team effort, I honestly think it was the first time in my life I’ve ever felt “fuck it” – I dumped him and headed on alone.
By this point I’d hit the last few K and I was struggling, I pulled over for the first time and stopped for about a minute, stretching out the unbelievable cramp up the backs of my legs and retching up bile on the side of the road. I quickly downed some 100 Plus, grunted, spat and picked up my speed again, passing people from the start who had flown by me and were now limping and catching up with the comfortable, steady runners. The supporters began to grow and thankfully I saw outstretched hands full of deep heat. I swiped at them with my sweaty palms and smeared the paste all over my kness and hamstrings and ran simultaneously (I’m talented I know) – note to self, do not rub sweat out of your eye when you have just rubbed deep heat into your leg – it burns!!!
The last K I nearly, oh SO nearly fell into a walk, the pain was absolutely unbelievable, I cannot express in words. Pure pure agony. But I had promised myself that whatever happened I would not walk. WOULD NOT dammit! I nearly shed a tear but once again I pushed myself back into the sprint. I never and I mean NEVER fail myself. At 500 metres I looked down at my watch, I had 4 minutes left if I wanted to get there in under my target time so I bolted like a rocket and ran down the 100 metres to the speakers playing Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough” – perfect!
As I crossed the finish line I did a double jump in the air with pure ecstasy and also to ensure my Championchip (hooked to my trainer)registered my time and then gasped heavily half a dozen times. As I leant forward I had to steady myself and then literally limped to the finishers tent to collect my medal. It was over, I did it. But I couldn’t smile, I was concentrating on not dying until AFTER I picked up my medal.
Shortly after H appeared out of nowhere giving me a massive hug I was soaked to the bone and I stood there in my sports bra and pro runners smiling with exhausted glee as he snapped my photo with my big fat chunky medal. He was so, so proud of me and I was even more so of myself, it was an awesome feeling.
As I downed another bottle of water and another bottle of 100 plus I hobbled back to the hotel for some well earned rest, a hot shower and then met H and a friend for brunch which was a carb fest! Later I passed out for a well deserved power nap and then we partied (or rather I sat on a stall and danced with my upper body) until 4am. Then we went for yummy hawker food before passing out until the next morning.
When I eventually got back to KL last night I lay in my bath bubble bath, my body was aching soooo bad and my throat was very tender and voice grainy, and then had thorough enjoyment at poking my massive blister (yup there was 1 at about 17K onwards but it wasn’t too much of a hindrance) with a needle (it was lovely and juicy!) and finally, fell into a deep dreamless sleep at 8.30pm despite the offer of a well cooked meal at a friend’s place.
This morning I woke to slightly less pain (or perhaps I’ve just got use to everywhere feeling bruised) an extremely sore throat, a chesty feeling, looking “stoned” (according to Bombies who told me this over lunch ) and pure “ergh”. It was 6.30am. Time for work! YAY! (not).
But my God was it worth it. I’d do it all again in an instant! Except… I think I need just a teeny, weeny bit more rest. So I’m off to sleep, with my lem-sip and hot water bottle – I’m running a temperature now… but at least my body is lying on a comfy bed wrapped in luscious sheets and cuddling a teddy bear.
Until the marathon… I salute myself! Good night!
Distance: 21.2km Half Marathon
Where: Singapore Island
Time: 2 hours 28 minutes and 35 seconds
Position: 538th out of 3,044 women
Pain Factor: Most excruciating body pain yet (ranking higher than Mount Kinabalu epidemic)
Enjoyment Factor: positively 10/10
Would I do it again: Yes 100% BRING ON THE FULL MARATHON!
In the early hours of Sunday 7th December I woke from a restless 5 hour sleep to sound of my alarm belting out in my ear at the ungodly hour of 04.45am. I jumped out of bed and into the shower to try and wake myself up from my half awake/ half asleep/ semi dream/ coma. Recklessly shaking H to “get up, lazy bum”, gulped down a banana and 500ml of water and headed out into the blackness, bumping into thousands of zombies all dressed very similarly to myself. I was nervous but excited all the same, this is THE big day I had been working towards since before I knew it. I thought back to February when I thought running for 6 minutes was an achievement… those days were long gone.
As we made our way to the start line I moaned to H that I needed to pee… again… for the millionth time. I really don’t drink much fluid so the last few days were really taken its toll on my poor weak bladder, so we queued for the porta-loo with what seemed like 49,999 other racers. Eventually I got my good luck hug and I headed for the start line. I was stumped at about 150 metres short! But I was there, nevertheless.
The total number of people competing in the Full marathon, half marathon and 10K was 50,000 compared to the first race in 2002 which had a measly 2,665 competitors – crazy!
The music was pumping over the speakers, my adrenalin was high and the final minute countdown began I focused my energy, switched on my I pod, took a deep breath and begun.
The first 5K was a breeze, I concentrated on running at my all time slowest, but was surprised when I got to 5K and had already been running for well over 45 minutes, I really needed to up my pace if I wanted to make my 2.5 hour target. I was thankful I had taken the Imodium before the race, it certainly worked (and I wasn’t constipated afterwards) but all that water played havoc with my bladder! As I resisted the temptation to stop and take a pee (Paula Radcliff style) it eventually evaporated into seemingly salty sweat – nice! As I speeded up over the bridge I heard my name being called and H waving from the side line, I gave him a smile and a wave for the camera and continued on. The race went smoothly with no real comments at this time to make. But as I reached 12K I started to feel the pressure. I noticed a guy had been running very close to me for about 1km. Eventually I pulled out one side of my headphone and asked if he was pacesetting himself against me. He sheepishly smiled and said yes and I told him to at least be polite and introduce himself then! We exchanged names, shook hands and kept in line with each other for about 6K. I’ve never ran with anyone before. At first I felt kinda awkward but eventually it felt really comfortable having someone weave in and out through the slower runners and help keep my pace. When we passed water stations we nodded to one another agreeing whether to pause or not and every now and then he passed me some Energy gel, which I declined but was appreciative of. At our last water stop I quickly asked him what his target time was, he said 3 hours and I suddenly thought to myself, I might be helping him but he is a hindrance to my speed. As he continued to fall behind me (despite my gau ya’s! And lei lei’s!) he told me to go on without him (was comical, like something out of a movie “Forget about me! Save yourself la!” We laughed and I went off ahead. Each man for them self in a race I guess. In a selfish way I’m glad running isn’t a team effort, I honestly think it was the first time in my life I’ve ever felt “fuck it” – I dumped him and headed on alone.
By this point I’d hit the last few K and I was struggling, I pulled over for the first time and stopped for about a minute, stretching out the unbelievable cramp up the backs of my legs and retching up bile on the side of the road. I quickly downed some 100 Plus, grunted, spat and picked up my speed again, passing people from the start who had flown by me and were now limping and catching up with the comfortable, steady runners. The supporters began to grow and thankfully I saw outstretched hands full of deep heat. I swiped at them with my sweaty palms and smeared the paste all over my kness and hamstrings and ran simultaneously (I’m talented I know) – note to self, do not rub sweat out of your eye when you have just rubbed deep heat into your leg – it burns!!!
The last K I nearly, oh SO nearly fell into a walk, the pain was absolutely unbelievable, I cannot express in words. Pure pure agony. But I had promised myself that whatever happened I would not walk. WOULD NOT dammit! I nearly shed a tear but once again I pushed myself back into the sprint. I never and I mean NEVER fail myself. At 500 metres I looked down at my watch, I had 4 minutes left if I wanted to get there in under my target time so I bolted like a rocket and ran down the 100 metres to the speakers playing Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough” – perfect!
As I crossed the finish line I did a double jump in the air with pure ecstasy and also to ensure my Championchip (hooked to my trainer)registered my time and then gasped heavily half a dozen times. As I leant forward I had to steady myself and then literally limped to the finishers tent to collect my medal. It was over, I did it. But I couldn’t smile, I was concentrating on not dying until AFTER I picked up my medal.
Shortly after H appeared out of nowhere giving me a massive hug I was soaked to the bone and I stood there in my sports bra and pro runners smiling with exhausted glee as he snapped my photo with my big fat chunky medal. He was so, so proud of me and I was even more so of myself, it was an awesome feeling.
As I downed another bottle of water and another bottle of 100 plus I hobbled back to the hotel for some well earned rest, a hot shower and then met H and a friend for brunch which was a carb fest! Later I passed out for a well deserved power nap and then we partied (or rather I sat on a stall and danced with my upper body) until 4am. Then we went for yummy hawker food before passing out until the next morning.
When I eventually got back to KL last night I lay in my bath bubble bath, my body was aching soooo bad and my throat was very tender and voice grainy, and then had thorough enjoyment at poking my massive blister (yup there was 1 at about 17K onwards but it wasn’t too much of a hindrance) with a needle (it was lovely and juicy!) and finally, fell into a deep dreamless sleep at 8.30pm despite the offer of a well cooked meal at a friend’s place.
This morning I woke to slightly less pain (or perhaps I’ve just got use to everywhere feeling bruised) an extremely sore throat, a chesty feeling, looking “stoned” (according to Bombies who told me this over lunch ) and pure “ergh”. It was 6.30am. Time for work! YAY! (not).
But my God was it worth it. I’d do it all again in an instant! Except… I think I need just a teeny, weeny bit more rest. So I’m off to sleep, with my lem-sip and hot water bottle – I’m running a temperature now… but at least my body is lying on a comfy bed wrapped in luscious sheets and cuddling a teddy bear.
Until the marathon… I salute myself! Good night!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Slide (not the playground type)
There was a landslide outside my apartment building last night at about 5.30. Neighbour called to tell me, as I drove back at about 8pm the road was majorly jammed, in fact, I couldn't access my apartment as lots of people had parked on the side to get out and take a look. According to the news the traffic jam was over 3km long!
Luckily I heard on the radio and read in the paper this morning, no one was injured or killed, although I think 17 cars were completely buried and destroyed in the car park it collapsed onto.
They were clearing away the debris until the early hours, I went to bed at about midnight and I could still see/ hear them working. This morning the place was still a bit of a mess. Lots of office workers standing about watching.
To imagine, the slide came from only 15 metres high, the debris after the collapse of the world trade centre twin towers really is unimaginable. Even though I saw that on TV, seeing just a small landslide really puts thing into perspective.
I think I need to move!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
2 days, 6 hrs, 18 mins & 2 secs to go...
Wow, I can't believe it... only 3 more sleeps until I take on the Singapore Half Marathon. I'm shocked at how quickly it has come around! Where has the year gone?
I have been training a lot, but if I'm honest with myself, I could have pushed myself substantially further. It sounds like such a lame excuse but I just haven't had the time lately to fit any more training into my weeks.
I usually work out 2-3 times per week (either cardio or weights) and trying to do a long run every Saturday - I only managed to fit 4 in over the last two months). The last couple of weeks I have been so preoccupied, I hope that my training and the power of inner strength (the mind) can pull me through.
I'm really super excited (bring it on!) although nervous at the same time, this will be my biggest physical challenge yet (although comparable to climbing Mount Kinabalu which was, in a nutshell, horrific!) at least this time I'll be in my comfy Adi-Zero's which are like the dream running shoe. SO comfy... but ha, we shall see on the day, they have only ever run about 15K! Please don't let me down pretty shoes! hehe.
I'm flying to Singapore on Saturday morning, although I wish I was taking the bus, logically I would be getting more rest as less waiting around at airports etc, but never mind. Once I arrive I will check into the hotel and then go and register for the race. Which reminds me, I need to check my blood type group in case of emergency - eek!
I am meeting H in the late afternoon, he is coming to Singapore from HK especially to cheer me on and party after together. I can't wait to see him, it's been about 6 months and despite the fact that we email each other nearly everyday I feel like we have a whole lot to catch up on.
H is going to see a clairvoyant whilst there who was recommended to him by our mutual friend. He asked me if I wanted to go but I have chosen not to, as intrigued as I am about what the future holds for me, I believe that life is all about the unpredictable and a daily test of our personality (strengths and weaknesses) to see how we will handle it. So I have said no, despite an overwhelming temptation, I must not. I believe as well that if someone imprints a thought into your mind, even if you forget about it, it is always there, hovering behind another thought and I feel will ultimately have an effect on a decision that you make. Does that make sense?
Although, perhaps I should just pop my head in and ask if the spirits foresee me completing the half marathon in one piece - hehe just kidding.
Last training session tonight, think of me at 06.30am on Sunday morning!
Boleh! Boleh!
I have been training a lot, but if I'm honest with myself, I could have pushed myself substantially further. It sounds like such a lame excuse but I just haven't had the time lately to fit any more training into my weeks.
I usually work out 2-3 times per week (either cardio or weights) and trying to do a long run every Saturday - I only managed to fit 4 in over the last two months). The last couple of weeks I have been so preoccupied, I hope that my training and the power of inner strength (the mind) can pull me through.
I'm really super excited (bring it on!) although nervous at the same time, this will be my biggest physical challenge yet (although comparable to climbing Mount Kinabalu which was, in a nutshell, horrific!) at least this time I'll be in my comfy Adi-Zero's which are like the dream running shoe. SO comfy... but ha, we shall see on the day, they have only ever run about 15K! Please don't let me down pretty shoes! hehe.
I'm flying to Singapore on Saturday morning, although I wish I was taking the bus, logically I would be getting more rest as less waiting around at airports etc, but never mind. Once I arrive I will check into the hotel and then go and register for the race. Which reminds me, I need to check my blood type group in case of emergency - eek!
I am meeting H in the late afternoon, he is coming to Singapore from HK especially to cheer me on and party after together. I can't wait to see him, it's been about 6 months and despite the fact that we email each other nearly everyday I feel like we have a whole lot to catch up on.
H is going to see a clairvoyant whilst there who was recommended to him by our mutual friend. He asked me if I wanted to go but I have chosen not to, as intrigued as I am about what the future holds for me, I believe that life is all about the unpredictable and a daily test of our personality (strengths and weaknesses) to see how we will handle it. So I have said no, despite an overwhelming temptation, I must not. I believe as well that if someone imprints a thought into your mind, even if you forget about it, it is always there, hovering behind another thought and I feel will ultimately have an effect on a decision that you make. Does that make sense?
Although, perhaps I should just pop my head in and ask if the spirits foresee me completing the half marathon in one piece - hehe just kidding.
Last training session tonight, think of me at 06.30am on Sunday morning!
Boleh! Boleh!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Mixed Messages
I got the strangest compliment from my Managing Director over the phone from the UK. What would you make of this:
(FACT) "Well I read her report on her KL visit and I have to say, I was expecting her to be spending most of the time training you, but it seems it was the other way round!"
Hilarious. So in a nutshell she was saying:
(My Interpretation) "Well, we were all under the impression that you were doing a pretty shit job out there. But in actual fact, perhaps you're doing much better than we give you credit for!"
I'm really not sure whether this is a complimentive ego boost or another knock back (in that, the UK office, my MD included, have absolutely no faith in my capabilities).
I'll take it as constructive criticism and leave it at that. Strangest and most faintest praise I ever received.
(FACT) "Well I read her report on her KL visit and I have to say, I was expecting her to be spending most of the time training you, but it seems it was the other way round!"
Hilarious. So in a nutshell she was saying:
(My Interpretation) "Well, we were all under the impression that you were doing a pretty shit job out there. But in actual fact, perhaps you're doing much better than we give you credit for!"
I'm really not sure whether this is a complimentive ego boost or another knock back (in that, the UK office, my MD included, have absolutely no faith in my capabilities).
I'll take it as constructive criticism and leave it at that. Strangest and most faintest praise I ever received.
Rub salt in my wounds... please!
I just went to get my contraceptive pill. As if it's not depressing enough that I'm not getting laid, but I have to pay MYR 8.90 per pack to be reminded of that.
That's just plain mean.
That's just plain mean.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
What You Are, To Me...
A ray of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day
The smell of freshly cut grass after the rain
Phosphorous twinkling all around me in the midnight sea
The sound of singing to a beautiful melody
A monologue on an empty stage
My favourite song on an old scratched CD
The taste of coffee on a mundane morning
The temptation of ice cream over frozen yogurt
A glass of wine in a hot steamy bubble bath
A photograph lost then found
A phone call from a friend on a lonely evening
A book that you just can't put down
A sneaky cigarette between my fingers
Making love under white sheets
A smile that is just for me
A big bear hug when I'm feeling blue
A little card that says i love you
A wink that is between you and I
Knowing that you have made somebody proud
Being there for a good friend when they are down
Crying to someone who understands your sorrow
Watching an old black and white movie
Reminiscing over childhood memories
Admitting that you don't mind a bit of jazz
Wearing painful shoes so your legs look just-that-little-bit better
Applying make up for a special night out
Looking in the mirror and feeling pretty
Driving my car at full speed down the highway
Dancing all night long
Prancing about in a little sundress
Walking out of the salon with new bouncy hair
Singing in my shower and not caring who hears
Running until I no longer feel the pain
That's what you are to me.
The smell of freshly cut grass after the rain
Phosphorous twinkling all around me in the midnight sea
The sound of singing to a beautiful melody
A monologue on an empty stage
My favourite song on an old scratched CD
The taste of coffee on a mundane morning
The temptation of ice cream over frozen yogurt
A glass of wine in a hot steamy bubble bath
A photograph lost then found
A phone call from a friend on a lonely evening
A book that you just can't put down
A sneaky cigarette between my fingers
Making love under white sheets
A smile that is just for me
A big bear hug when I'm feeling blue
A little card that says i love you
A wink that is between you and I
Knowing that you have made somebody proud
Being there for a good friend when they are down
Crying to someone who understands your sorrow
Watching an old black and white movie
Reminiscing over childhood memories
Admitting that you don't mind a bit of jazz
Wearing painful shoes so your legs look just-that-little-bit better
Applying make up for a special night out
Looking in the mirror and feeling pretty
Driving my car at full speed down the highway
Dancing all night long
Prancing about in a little sundress
Walking out of the salon with new bouncy hair
Singing in my shower and not caring who hears
Running until I no longer feel the pain
That's what you are to me.
Shut Your Trap
I feel like my mouth has been raped.
Well that was the last appointment for 2008, next one will be 2009 by which point I'll be about 1/3+ a way through.
Today the orthodontist got right in there with his high pitched squealing drill (bbrr makes my hairs stand on end and my toes curl) and filed away some more of my teeth, as he went for the gap in the middle I literally begged (with hands in a prayer like fashion) for him not to make too much of a gap. He was very gentle with me, I think he finds it funny how uptight I get over a 1mm gap when my whole mouth is invaded with titanium, plastic and what not.
But it was ok la, just a very slight gap. Feels so tight with the new titanium wire on, he only adjusted the top this time, not the bottom. It's amazing really, every time they tighten the brace, my mouth seems to take a new form, my front teeth are practically touching! :) I'm quite pleased that I've got titanium on both rows of teeth now as the white had started to chip off and I always thought it looked kinda weird with the bottom half titanium and top white.
Gosh, my heart is still beating like a little mouse, I really do tense up in that place. And that stupid hygienist, gargh! She winds me up the most with her "Apply lip balm" every time she puts balm on my lips she says in this whiney voice "appppply lip baaaaalm". It's like, yes love, I know what it is now FUCK OFF. Sorry, it's just the way she says it. Annoys me.
All in all, another successful appointment. Every time it makes me more and more happy I chose to finally do this. Wish they'd hire a new hygienist though.
Well that was the last appointment for 2008, next one will be 2009 by which point I'll be about 1/3+ a way through.
Today the orthodontist got right in there with his high pitched squealing drill (bbrr makes my hairs stand on end and my toes curl) and filed away some more of my teeth, as he went for the gap in the middle I literally begged (with hands in a prayer like fashion) for him not to make too much of a gap. He was very gentle with me, I think he finds it funny how uptight I get over a 1mm gap when my whole mouth is invaded with titanium, plastic and what not.
But it was ok la, just a very slight gap. Feels so tight with the new titanium wire on, he only adjusted the top this time, not the bottom. It's amazing really, every time they tighten the brace, my mouth seems to take a new form, my front teeth are practically touching! :) I'm quite pleased that I've got titanium on both rows of teeth now as the white had started to chip off and I always thought it looked kinda weird with the bottom half titanium and top white.
Gosh, my heart is still beating like a little mouse, I really do tense up in that place. And that stupid hygienist, gargh! She winds me up the most with her "Apply lip balm" every time she puts balm on my lips she says in this whiney voice "appppply lip baaaaalm". It's like, yes love, I know what it is now FUCK OFF. Sorry, it's just the way she says it. Annoys me.
All in all, another successful appointment. Every time it makes me more and more happy I chose to finally do this. Wish they'd hire a new hygienist though.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Pens are for writing. Food is for eating.
Why do people chew pens? It's grose!
I've been at my colleague's desk today as I need to cover her work for three days and keep an eye on the new girl (who btw, drives me bonkers).
I was sitting here mulling over how to reply an email when suddenly I was like eeeuuuwh what's that smell? I'd been holding the pen in my hand, resting my elbow on the desk and tapping it against my chin(as you do) and I looked at it and saw it was all munched on and yucky and, to top it off smelly! Euuuuwwwwhhhh.
Well that's the last time I tap a pen anywhere near my face. I feel like I may have caught a disease.
I've now picked up all the pens and pencil's from my office and brought them over here to this desk.
Yikes, what if she licks the keyboard as well...?
I've been at my colleague's desk today as I need to cover her work for three days and keep an eye on the new girl (who btw, drives me bonkers).
I was sitting here mulling over how to reply an email when suddenly I was like eeeuuuwh what's that smell? I'd been holding the pen in my hand, resting my elbow on the desk and tapping it against my chin(as you do) and I looked at it and saw it was all munched on and yucky and, to top it off smelly! Euuuuwwwwhhhh.
Well that's the last time I tap a pen anywhere near my face. I feel like I may have caught a disease.
I've now picked up all the pens and pencil's from my office and brought them over here to this desk.
Yikes, what if she licks the keyboard as well...?
Crazy Catz
Oh. My. Gosh. I had the most horrific dream last night! I was dreaming that I was climbing Mount Kinabalu (as you do) and suddenly this evil cat appeared and pounced at my face with his claws out!
In self defense I swung my arm out to block my face. As I did so, I inadvertently punched myself in the nose! As I woke in the darkness, I saw something flying across my bed which (in my dreamy state) I thought was the cat (but was actually a cushion) and I swung out to hit it again and somehow hit myself AGAIN and caused a nose bleed!!!
I'm laughing hysterically at myself now but at 4.30 this morning it was anything BUT funny! I was completely traumatised.
I'm definitely not buying a cat.
In self defense I swung my arm out to block my face. As I did so, I inadvertently punched myself in the nose! As I woke in the darkness, I saw something flying across my bed which (in my dreamy state) I thought was the cat (but was actually a cushion) and I swung out to hit it again and somehow hit myself AGAIN and caused a nose bleed!!!
I'm laughing hysterically at myself now but at 4.30 this morning it was anything BUT funny! I was completely traumatised.
I'm definitely not buying a cat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- Bubs
- Surrey, United Kingdom
- "I have found that if a problem rears its head, the best way to deal with it is by being highly emotional, inconsistent and super irrational and the problem tends to go away..."