Midnight Mass (& all the drama surrounding it!)

Yesterday I went into town with Mr Big and Jacek for last minute shopping - I had to help Mr Big choose a perfume for his Mum and help Jacek buy gifts for the other boys.

As we got in the car to head back to do our last bits and bobs before meeting again later, Jacek coyly asked me a question. He asked me (in the sweetest, most un-offending way) if I wouldn't mind not talking about the past when we all went to Mass tonight - why? Because his new girlfriend was coming too. Aiyo!

Just to give you a little history, Jacek was my first boyfriend and I was his first at the ripe old age of 17. We lost our virginity to one another. We dated for about 2 and a half years, during which time my depression first manifested in its full form and eventually I decided to end our relationship because I couldn't handle the strain I had put Jacek under and in fairness, he was too young to have to deal with all that shit. I wanted him to go off and have fun whilst I tried to find a way out of my black hole...

For a few years when I saw him it was never really that comfortable but 6 years on we get on as well as we did when we dated and it's great because when we all hang out together everyone feels happy and we have a real laugh. It seems everyone looks back at those times (including us) with happy memories of our Childhood. We were the couple that held the group together and Jacek is the only ex I have been comfortable to be friends with after a break up. Although I was depressed I hid it well and although it was always present I was genuinely happy when I was with Jacek, the depression was just a part of my life the loomed in the background.

So anyway, I said to Jacek, well doesn't she know we broke up over half a decade ago? And that we were just kids really! And he said yes, but she can be quite jealous etc. and doesn't understand how I can be friends with an ex-girlfriend. I felt sorry for her and didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable (after all, we were gong with Jacek's family). So in the end, I said I would go to another Church and not to worry but Jacek insisted I came but just be sensitive.... ok....

Later in the evening I talked to my Mum and asked her if she thought I should go, she said she could understand how the girl would feel (I guess she would look at me and think - that girl has had sex with my boyfriend!) but then Jacek rang me once again to ensure i was coming and told me how much his family were looking forward to seeing me! Oh dear!

So after my Christmas Eve family meal I made my way out to Jacek's place and Mr Big came to meet me in his car, as we got out at Jacek's he gave me a big passionate kiss which took me quite by suprise and simply said "well, you were never going to kiss me were you?" *blush* why am I always so shy? We stood kissing for a little while out in the cold with my whole tiny self enwrapped in his big arms, before correcting my lip gloss and heading in.

As we arrived, Jacek's parents went CRAZY they were really excited to see me and the girlfriend stood back. We met once before and I was really nice to her and found her pleasant and I gave her a kiss and said hi. We all scrambled in the car and headed to Church.

My God. I now understand why people in the UK find religion on the whole SUCH a drag. Although the Christmas Carols were lovely, no one really got "into" it and as the vicar spoke there seemed no heart or passion in what he had to say. I sighed, I wish my friends could experience what I have, but all the same, it felt good to be there. Whilst sitting there I thought of Bombies, Mr J and Blanks and all they had done this year which had lead me to this point. I felt thankful to have had them in my life.

As we left, I shook the Vicar's hand and wished him a blessed Christmas and Jacek's Mum turned to me and said "all those years you refused to join us and now suddenly you want to come, why?" As I quietly mentioned that I had started to attend Church she nearly jumped for joy, hugging me saying "There is so much I don't know about you, I am so happy to see this change in you" I glanced back at Jacek and he smiled at me and I gave him a reassuring wink, as I turned back I caught the girlfriend's eye... if looks could kill...!

The irony is that when I was dating Jacek, his Mum seemed not so keen on me - I think it was the "you're stealing my only Son" syndrome. As we got back to Jacek's for some wine, I remembered to sit away from Jacek and his Mum again, conveniently plonked herself next to me whispering "you were always my favourite of the girlfriend's he's had" - Oh crikey!!!! I just smiled and joked she was my favourite Mum of my boyfriends....!

As we left to go home at nearly 03.00am I tucked myself into my bed and awoke at about 10.00am to a message from Mr Big asking if I was still awake... he'd sent it at 03.30... I wonder what had been on his mind...

In summary, it wasn't quite the Mass I had been expecting... but I'm so glad I went all the same.

And now onto this mornings drama...!