Passport to Life

I have to say, I'm extremely impressed with the people's republic of China... i/e the China embassy, Malaysia. I'm not one for paper work and documents etc but getting my Visa for China really was very simple - or perhaps it's just me that usually over complicates matters?

A friend sent me the link to download the China Visa form. I completed it, attached a photo, took it to the embassy, queued up was in and out in no more than 15 mins (I went at about 10.30 so it was starting to get busy) on the Thursday and was told to come and collect it on the Tuesday. I headed down this morning at 9.15, paid myr 130 and within 5 minutes was out again with my passport, complete with Visa.

I think when it comes to these things it more the dread of getting round to doing it rather than the actual doing itself. It's like when I had to get a new passport. Yes, that was extremely annoying as I had to apply through the British Embassy here in Malaysia, it was massively expensive (£100+!!) and then I had to send it off to Labuan for my new employment visa. In hindsight I really only had to take 2 trips down to the Embassy, both times there was no one else waiting and I was served immediately.

I guess it's more the to and fro ing that's the most annoying. I must keep that in mind though, one of my really bad attributes is that I put off doing something because the thought of it makes me think "mah" but actually when it comes around to it, it's never really as bad as I think. And rather than sitting on something, putting it off and off, you may as well just get it done because all that feeling of 'dread' inside you isn't really healthy and only stresses you out for no major reason. Is this a longwinded way of implying that I am lazy? Maybe.

Next week I'll need to get my Vietnam Visa (once Kiwi gets his arse in gear and confirms the flights etc with me) and then that's it, I'm done. All trips booked and all visa's collected! I'm so excited for the coming two months, so much fun to be had (although a little concerned about money, I should be OK). Beijing is now looking more and more exciting as my friend up there has sent me info on Chinese cooking classes and tours :) How fun? We will actually get to go to a traditional market and handpick all the ingredients ourselves. It's gonna be fantastic.

As for this weekend, I am off to Penang to visit DanDan. If PhotoBoy can get us tickets then we will also go to the Hennessy event, which should be awesome. But mostly I'm looking forward to seeing the city and trying all the local food. Unfortunately Kuching has been taken off the cards. I can't say I'm not disappointed but well, you can't do everything. I'm just thankful that I agreed to go to Langkawi, at least I will get to have one holiday with Bombie and friends. That means that the long weekend I have booked off in KL, can be spent getting a hair cut (hate my fringe, wanna get rid of it again - lol), going for a mani and pedi (resorted to cutting and filing my own nails last night - very distressing) eating Durian (it's been WAY too long), going clubbing (Mambo Jumbo on the Wed night and then maybe Zouk/ MOS over the weekend), sunbathing/ relaxing and oh, job hunting.

As for HK, which seems so far away right now I was wondering too if I really wanted to spend my birthday there but yes I do, I want to spend it with H. On my actually Birthday (the day after the birthday junk) we are going to take an early morning hike up to the Peek (I've never hiked it before so that's gonna be totally cool) and have a "Birthday Brunch" at a restaurant up top. Hopefully Hong Kong Dim Sum would be great. It will be really awesome to have a photo up there too. You know why? Because I went there on one of my first days in Hong Kong and now, will be taking another, over 3 years on, just a few days before I leave, for good.

I'm also really excited about moving back to the UK, of course I still haven't made headway with what I'm doing. Some won't believe this but I've actually looked at taking my teacher training course... maybe it wouldn't be SUCH a bad idea... the only problem I have got so far is that you need A-C in English, Maths and Science at GCSE level. I have a B in English Lit & Lang, a C in Maths (would you believe it? And yes, I had private after-school tuition!) but in Science I got a D :( So I'm not sure where this leaves me. The news says that the UK is "crying out" for teachers, so maybe given that I will be a "mature" student, they will make an exception?? We'll see, I have a family friend who is headmaster at a local school, I think I'll contact him and ask. It's just another idea... so we'll see.

Gosh this was supposed to be me just blogging about how impressed I am about Visa applications and Embassy adventures. Oh well, I guess it's nothing out of the ordinary for me to ramble on, about myself. Have a nice day people :)

I've got worms

As I was falling asleep last night I could hear this "ding" noise coming from my I Mac - I realised I'd left my Messenger on and an email was coming through, I was really sleepy and already dribbling a sufficient amount on my pillow and couldn't be arsed to get up and turn it off. But then I heard another "ding" after another, eventually I had to get up for I had heard more than 20 within a minute.

It was emails coming through with out of office replies and I was thinking... WTF? As I looked at the content of the message that "I" sent I realised I had been attacked by Worms!

I looked all around me, checking that they weren't watching from outside... or seeping through the walls and quickly turned off my computer and ran and hid under my sheets.... where were these worms coming from and more importantly.. what did they want???

I've never been attacked by worms, or hacked into or whatever terminology you kids use these days but I felt vulnerable and scared. Not to mention that this stupid email that the Worms sent went out to all the companies I have applied for jobs to AND ex boyfriends - mah. How embarrassing.

So I changed my password, temporarily this morning. But I think it's time to switch to GMail. After over 10 years with hotmail, I think our relationship has finally gone sour.

Boo hoo. Dam you Worms!

Another Perfect Weekendo

Ah man. Why now, as I come into my last 8 weeks in Malaysia am I suddenly having SO much fun (as opposed to much fun)? It couldn't be because I'm returning to the land of Tea and unemployment - surely not? ;)

Probably in reality, is that I know things are coming to an end and I am appreciating every moment a hundred times over, than I normally would, soaking in every memory and jumping at every opportunity.

After a fun Friday night at the movies with a girlfriend (saw He's Just Not That Into You - possibly a girl's love life bible and very, very funny), Saturday came round full swing with the usual, gym, food shop, late lunch, coffee with friends combo.

In the evening I decided to have an "Un-Pink the Princess Palace" party, whereby I invited a bunch of my close friends over to help paint my bedroom from pink, back to white before I got my deposit taken away by my landlord.

My God. It was possibly one of the most fun and most treasured nights I have had with my friends here in KL. In a nutshell, my whole wall got completely graffitied with "memories" of KL by my friends, then we had the mandatory paint fight which involved us all recklessly screaming about my apartment (yelling "No! Don't get me!" But secretly like "heeheehee this is so much fun I love it") whilst faces were covered in paint and bodies were pasted white with the roller brushes. Whilst eating pizza. And drinking beer.

By 1am we had done three coats, were hyper and pissed. Eventually after shooing everyone out we went for makan-makan down at Devi's. It was probably one of the best nights I've ever had in KL, and the graffiti wall "gift" one that I'll never forget.

I think last night, hit a new level of what friendship really is, for me. You see, you don't need to always say how you feel, sometimes it's just the writing on the wall... ;)

The Green Eyed Monster

Why is it that we can't take happiness in another's person joy or cherished moment?

On Friday, a young girl in my office had a dozen red roses delivered to her! She was absolutely overjoyed and smiling from ear to ear. As I walked into the office and saw them on her desk i was so so happy for her as she looked so in love and delighted. So I made a big fuss and said Wow! Who are they from (knowing full well that they were probably from her boyfriend) but wanted her to bask in her excitement some more :)

She looked up and told me they were indeed from her boyfriend and I said, is it your anniversary or a special occasion? And she said no, the card says just because he loves me. I smiled at her, she was ecstatic and I remembered how great a feeling it is to get flowers "just because" whether it's from a boyfriend or just a friend. Flowers make every girl smile. So i said, well isn't that just lovely hu?

But of course there is always one "sour puss" who just has to say something to knock you down from your pedestal. So this lady in my office, who is Malay, in her late 40's single and usually so bubbly and friendly (and who had totally been eavesdropping) turns around and says "ooooh a man doesn't send flowers "just because" he must have done something wrong - ho ho ho" The poor girl hesitantly smiled/ laughed it off and then her smile kinda drooped. And I just thought, you cow.

Whether its simply a joke or not, why do people who are so obviously jealous feel the need to do it? I simply don't understand it! No matter how crap you feel, just share their happiness, it's not hard for gawd's sake! Of course, I would walk away smiling for her and yeh, OK, you are gonna think awh, wish I'd get some (I did by the way, a single rose from Bombie last week - "just because") :)

So I turned to her and "jokingly" replied with - ooooooh somebody's jealous (with a wink) and she blushed and subsequently dropped the conversation and told the girl how lovely they smelt. I winked at the girl who smiled back gratefully and walked away.

Silly moose.

Retard Central

I am officially a bona fied retardian.

Today I had to pay my tax clearence for 2008 (it was SO much - aiya!) and so after translating every Bahasa word to English I filled out the form and headed down to Maybank to pay.

I couldn't pay by card as I am with HSBC so i had to withdraw the money first. No problem, I thought. It's an ATM.

So off I went to get out my dollar, there was quite a queue as it was lunch time in the KLCC so I stood, gorming and thinking about my plans for the weekend and you know, this and that.

Then as I approached the ATM and it prompted me for my PIN I suddenly thought, shit, what is my pin number?? I stood there, feeling pressurised, lots of people were waiting to get cash, it's lunch you know, everyone is in a rush.

So I panicked.

Fuckety Fuck. What is it? So I put in a number which sounded kinda right in my head, but no, my card was rejected WRONG. Ooops. Fuck.

So I calmly, without even glancing at the line behind me tried another number (which in hindsight, I think was the same number i tried initially). WRONG!!! Dam it.

I was worried my card would get eaten up and with only 10 myr in my wallet I thought better of it by trying again. So i wondered off, aimlessly into MAC. I was scared and alone, I had no choice but to purchase the lipstick that had been out of stock for the last few weeks, I had to seek solitude and paid by credit card - which I only needed my signature for, not a pin. Thankfully, I remembered how to sign my own name.

And so I walked and walked and drank a smoothie (bought with my last few ringit), cursing myself over and over. What the fuck is wrong with me??? What is the number??? Two years I've had this same pin, TWO YEARS dammit.

As i mulled it over, wrote down various combinations of numbers in my phone, I finally thought, well this looks about right. The gut feeling said, Yes Bubs, it's right and so, I queued up again, the gents at the counter who had helped me with the tax form just half an hour ago, wondering why I was back. And possibly why my dress was inappropriately short.

So I typed it in **...*...*...** - I held my breath... Ta da! Got it.

And off I went to the counter and parted with all the cash I had just withdrawn. Realising that I was penniless, yet again. I was too afraid to take money out again.

I'll do it later. If I remember my pin...

Place your bet on Death

My colleague rang this morning to say she was running late because there was a car accident - which is, normal to do. As NB is away and she is employed under him, she reports to me. She is a crazy Malay lady who lived in the UK for many years.

Anyway, as I was about to hang up she yelps - so do you want the registration plate number? I thought heck, what? Then i remembered, Malaysians are real sick - if there is an accident, they believe it "lucky" to take down the car registration number and use it for their lottery numbers - can you believe it??

I said, "Honestly, you are putting Malaysians to shame by saying that to me!" and she just laughed it off and said, "we can't get the jackpot though as I couldn't get the registration for the other car!"

When she arrived in the office she ran around like a bunny on Duracell batteries asking all my colleagues if they wanted to put in 20 bucks. She asked me and I smiled and said no, that is COMPLETELY against my morals as a human being! Everyone laughed and then I slyly said, but if you do win, pass me 10% yeh?

;)

Vaginally challenged

You know i said yesterday how men were the lowest of my priorities? Well I think I was lying. I actually just messaged Mada to come on line so I could try and sexualise him over MSN. I'm horny and alone. It failed miserably, poor boy, I think he's freaking out about my return and what will happen.

I actually couldn't give a monkeys, I just want to be devoured!

Ended up discussing female ejaculation with BD on line instead. She was miffed by it too. I'm sorry, but I only know one human person who does it and one TV character (Samantha in SATC) now suddenly, after a random conversation late night in my car the other night with Bombies and Kiwi, apparently the WHOLE world's female population are ejaculating left, right and centre.

There is some serious civil unrest in my Vagina. I must get to the bottom of this.

Nah. Never did :P

And when you go I will remember
I must remember to say...
I never really loved you anyway
No I didnt love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I never loved you anyway
No I didnt love you anyway
Never truly loved you anyway
Im so happy youre moving away
Yeah Im delighted youre moving away

That'll teach ya!

I needed to venture down to the China Embassy this morning to organise my visa for Beijing. I looked up where it was on a google map and it seemed to be a fair way down Jalan Ampang. So I decided to take a cab as I figured, by the time I take the LRT and walk it will take a lot longer.

I waved for a cab outside my office and jumped in and said "on the metre, yeh?" but of course, the lousy Indian said 10 myr. 10 myr to Jalan Ampang?? That's pricey, but I couldn't be arsed to argue as well, I'm over fighting out 5 myr here and there. You never win and it's just too much time and effort. By the time you eventually agree to disagree and hail down another taxi you're only going to have the same argument with the next one - whether it be Malay, Chinese or Indian!

Once a driver tried to charge me 30 from my apartment to the BSC - that should cost about 4 myr. Honestly...

Anyway, so I agreed fine, couldn't even be arsed with a sarcastic reply. He didn't know where it was but I had written it down - 229 Jalan Ampang and directed him. As he blabbered away on his phone, paying no attention whatsoever I kept an eye out for the embassy along the road side whilst spotting the Thai Embassy which had a HUGE queue outside (which is crazy, given the political unrest there at present).

Eventually I said, you've obviously missed it, turn around. So we did and the driver was convinced that it was at the Bank of China. I was beginning to doubt myself and said, well, you should know better than me lets try. So we drove back towards KL (by this time we'd been driving about for a good 20 mins) and as it transpired, he was right (dam it, i hate being wrong). As I got out i passed him the 10 myr note and he looked at me and said "only 10 lor??"

and my reply...?

"Well you wanted to go off the metre."

I smiled sweetly and jumped out.

Don't hate the player, hate the game ;)

This one's a shocker

OK OK OK so I'm a reality TV fanatic. But I have to post this because:

1) It's Ant & Dec - my favourite UK TV personalities
2) It's reality TV at it's best
3) It made me smile so much and my hairs stand on end (perhaps even more so than Adam Lambert but not in a i-wanna-shag-you way - obviously)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

(no embedding option on U tube :( booooo)

Born to be WILD

Oh Lordy Lordy. I just watched American Idol. I think, THINK, I just might like to do the naughty with Adam Lambert. I mean yes he's gay, but seriously, who wouldn't???

This guy's talent is unbelievable... hit me baby, hit me with your rhythm stick!




And just to get your hairs standing on end.... sigh....



courtesy of www.youtube.com

Give it to me!

Why do we always want, what we can't have? Even when it is readily available, we don't necessarily want it. It's only when it is taken away or denied from us then suddenly, we have this overwhelming urge to have it, own it, become it.

For once, I'm not talking about men. Despite the fact that there are several men I wouldn't mind hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing with at present (i was about to write in a spooky voice "you know who you are" But actually, I'm not sure you do...), they really are, at the bottom of my priority these days. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.

No, I'm talking about food. Food, food, FOOD. Dammit, I wanna eat.

Not only am I restricted to soft foods (such as bread soaked in soup, porridge (had it at Jalan Pudu last night - yum!) wheetbix and fruit smoothies) thanks to my braces, but I have also chosen to cut down my intake of food, in reaction to my blog of becoming suicidal over gaining 5K in 4 months.

The thing is, it seems like suddenly you deny yourself of that yummy apple multi grain muffin in Starbucks, those teeny tiny m&m's in 7-11, that take-my-breath-away cheesecake at the coffee shop and suddenly all you can think about is the sweet taste of the muffin crumbling into your mouth, the m&m's melting on your tongue the strawberry sweetness of the cheesecake tantalising your taste buds - argh!!

And so, I sit in my office, at my desk, drinking a can of coke light, knowing full well that when I meet Manc for dinner later, I will, undoubtedly share a slice of cheesecake with her at Delicious. Besides, it's soft, there isn't much else on the menu I could eat anyway :P

Hammy The Hamster

I haven't spoken in 4 hours.

The insides of my cheeks are ripped to shreds. It burns. Ooooooh it burns. When I do utter the odd word or two, I sound like I have a sock in my mouth. My cheeks are extraordinarily pink (even more so than usual, I didn't even need to apply blusher today). You could probably fry an egg on my cheeks, one each side, they are so hot.

I'm hungry, but I couldn't even finish my coffee. It's staring at me, half empty, and sad. "please sip me" it whispers.... "please". In that sweet little latte voice it does.

I look like a miserable hamster.

Feel sorry for me.... please... (I'm giving you the puppy dog eyes/ miserable hamster pout combo look)....

For the record

I can honestly say I've had the perfect weekend. This is what a perfect weekend sounds like:

Friday -

Finish up quite late from work but feel good that there are no major issues outstanding for Monday which results in a less stressed feeling over the weekend.

Quick dash round the food shops so that it doesn't interupt my weekend and am set up for the next week.

Chill out at home, watching SATC, reading trashy mags, bed.

Saturday -

Up early(ish) yummy breakfast of fruit smoothie and wheetbix. Applied for two jobs.

Spinning (RPM) Class, chat with friends at the gym

Get ready to go out with music blaring.

Dinner with friends, a few cocktails.

Clubbing with awesome music and randoms who i don't usually party with.

Horrifically drunk (but not the point of losing all self dignity, but shameful enough that you smile/ grimace the next day).

Sunday -

Up early(ish) for Church. Horrifically hungover. Heart palpatating from numerous cigaretes (BAD Bubs!) Could have done with the lie in but it's Easter Sunday ;)

Church - a good service today which I enjoyed but again, left me with general wonderingments, as usual.

Dim Sum for lunch - awesome. With close friends.

Home via Bangsar. Picked up a few chick flicks and a DVD holder. And ice cream, to help sooth my cheeks from the mouth ulcers :):)

Home. Lounge about on sofa with tub of ice cream, DVD on, sat and orgnaised my DVD's as they were kinda everywhere.

Uploaded pics to FB from weekend. Tidied up a bit as apartment looked like a bombed whore house.

Made a quick dinner, small sandwich, as not hungry.

Updated blog whilst washed bedsheets as they smell of cigarettes and sweat from the night before - nice.

Will book my flight to HK and hotel in Beijing momentarily.

Will turn off computer so am not tempted to go on internet wasting time.

Get into hot bath with my really good book I'm reading at mo (whilst washing some work clothes as have none clean - eek!) Will have lots of bubbles and dream that a nice sexy man is in there with me.

Get into bed by 10.30 and call BD for a quick catch up.

Sleep by 11 I hope for a fresh week ahead.

Perfection!

Again, I'm freaked out...

3 months in a row and she continues to write the stars, based on my life! Hahaha. Seriously though, WTF?

April will be a big month for your career. Mars is still brilliantly lighting your tenth sector of fame and honors (tenth house), a wonderful situation that began last month on March 15 and that continues now. You will have until April 22 to make your mark, for after that, energetic Mars will move on to light another part of your chart. It'll be easy to get addicted to all the career activity and warmth of Mars, but don't take him for granted - you'll find it easier to make progress now than at any other time in 2009. Give career projects and goals all you've got while the Sun shines for you.

If you want a new job, you need to be out planting seeds. If you enjoy the job you have, you have a superb chance for a promotion or to see fulfillment on a project you've been working on over a long period. If you have your own business, you may want to launch a publicity or advertising campaign, as your timing would be right and you'd see results. You may also bring in a major piece of new business now, so concentrate on pitching! Remember, you will have Mars at your side only until April 22.

www.astrologyzone.com

Chillin me boots

Ah! I love that I have decided to start blogging again, i missed you! I just wanna blog blog blog all day.

It's Friday night and I'm having a relaxing start to the weekend - no real plans. Which is actually just what I fancy for a change. You must think I'm crazy, I'm leaving this country in like, a matter of weeks and yet I'm chilling on my sofa at home, watching trashy TV and browsing through magazines. I love my me time, I hate being alone, but i live for my 'me' time.

Today started out great, I called H at 8 am on my way to work as we hadn't had a skype 'date' in yonkers and he is going away for a couple of weeks. Just speaking to him and hearing his enthusiastic voice all over the phone put a massive smile on my face and set me up for the day. Best friends, no matter what country they live in, rock my world.

I breezed through the morning at work and at lunch went for another dreaded dentist appointment - when will it end? Soon evidently. My little dental genius told me (in layman's terms) that if i stopped fucking about with my elastics and got on and wore them, then the braces just might be off by the time i leave - big cheesey smile! Then, he proceeded to put four brackets on my four teeth at the back that have been brace free for 8 months. Mother fucker, my cheeks are as hot as a bitch on heat and the inside of my mouth feels like its been shredded by a cheese grater. You get the gist. It better be fucking worth it that's all I'm saying!

I worked til 7.30 because I wanted to - how insane. I went food shopping, the usual - 3 cartons of milk, a bottle of orange juice (no added sugar), a loaf of wholemeal bread,half a dozen yacult, 24 pack of wheetabix, 2 potatoes, block of cheese, a bundle of fruit and veg and a six pack of diet coke. LOL. I can actually do my food shopping in 10 mins flat. By 9 i was lying on my sofa with an ice pack on my face.


I met with uh oh, need a name, need a name.... i met with Kiwi - haha so predictable, last night to discuss our Vietnam trip. He's having a shite old time with love and life and we talked more about that than the trip but to be honest, I didn't mind - 1 because i genuinely cared and secondly it was a nice change to hang out with someone different. Vietnam sounds like it's gonna be awesome, we're gonna rough it, train it and be breezy. It's been a while since i let go, i'm looking forward to spending a week with a mate who i barely know, who i find relatively :P entertaining and is happy to go through the motions with me.

I feel very content, its all very weird this "breezyness" that is taking over me. But, as it always is with me, its a controlled breezyness. Now, I've nearly sorted out my schedule up until I move to the UK the next step is finding the job. I must, must, MUST motivate myself to at least do SOMETHING productive this weekend and next. After that, things are gonna pick up. But secretly I kinda love this limbo time, life has been one big fat race for so long, I'm enjoying just living in the moment but I guess i do have to be moderately realistic and start planning now.... I'm sure i said this in my blog about two months ago. And yes Bombie, I know you're reading this with a smirk on your face and an eyebrow raised - II'll get there OK, I'm boardering on arriving now! haha. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Think I'm gonna get some shut eye so i can get up early and um, OK, OK, I'll job hunt. Dam you conscience. I'm naming you Jiminey Cricket (JC) from now on. You're so green, and spritely, and positive and upbeat... I guess i can do that too... if i simply HAVE too :P

Good night and God bless.

What I Wrote My Mother....

Sent my Ma a copy of my flight details back to LDN....

Woho - your daughter is official returning to the Mutherland :)

BEHOLD the golden (one way) ticket below!

And managed to get herself a sneaky 25kg weight allowance on her luggage ;)

SMILE your days of blissful silence, where TV's are not left on, lights are switched off appropriately, fridge is full, music isn't blaring days are officially over - I bet you just CAN'T WAIT!!!

:) lots of love,

Your charming, beautiful, one-in-a-million Daughter,

xxx

(The one in Malaysia in case you were unsure who i was referring to).

OOoooh Spooky!

Mah. Trying to book my ONE WAY ticket to the UK and Malaysia Airlines website keeps saying "a programme error has occured" a programme error? HHhhhhmmmm is it a sign...? Or maybe, just maybe, there is indeed, a programme error :P

Was trying to decide whether to take the morning flight or the late night flight. A part of me thought the morning flight, that way I can just get up and go, but then the other half (because I am a geminin you see, we don't have one single decision, we always have two to consider) thinks that it would be nice to get up on my last day and try and give everyone one last hug. You know, cry, look like shit, become mentally unstable etc.

Then I can take a leisurely drive up to KLIA later. A friend has offered to take me up there and bid me farewell, which is a lovely gesture, but I wonder if it will all be just too emotional, I might just drive myself. The last drive, with my music blarring, speeding down the highway into my new life.

That's if I manage to actually get a ticket out of here!

The New Chapter Has Arrived

Boo! Scared ya hu? :)

Time to start blogging again. Finally had a few weeks to get my head straight and things are progressing well. I leave my job in less than two months and have so much planned in the up coming weeks its untrue!

- Went to Perth the weekend before last to visit Shrek and have time out, it was just what I needed.
- Last weekend took a day trip to Cherating with "The Crew" was a blast. Got burnt.
- Have organized an un-pink party for my friends to help paint my apartment back white in two weeks time. So far the girls are game and no reply from the boys. I don't understand why - slave labour but yet they get free pizza and beer - what more could you ask for?
- Trying to squeeze in a trip to either Kuching or Penang here. Funds are being drained drastically and the clock is ticking.
- Langkawi weekend trip booked up with the same crew. One particular person I would like to join is not. Am working on this.
- 15k Pacesetters run the weekend after - just for fun. You know how it is.
- Trip to Bejing the week after to see some crumbling old wall.
- Finish work waho the week after
- Off to Vietnam to rough it up with a mate, hopefully popping by Laos and Chang Mai if we have time
- Over to HK to celebrate my Birthday for the weekend
- Flying home sweet home on the 18th June (not yet booked yet, will do it Thursday)

And that my friends is why it was worth working my arse off for 3 and a half years. Wouldn't you agree?

Now all I need to do is find myself one of those job-thingy-magigs everyone talks about. Hhhhmmm. So how?

A New Chapter Awaits Me

It's been ages since I've blogged. Well only a week but considering I usually blog daily it seems like a life time.

I've felt resistence to blog because I felt myself spiraling into this deep depression and feeling so negative about pretty much everything.

A whole lot of stuff has gone down lately and in a nutshell, I am now leaving my job on the 29th May 2009 and leaving Malaysia in June 2009. most importantly, returning to the UK. I feel out of sorts and confused about EVERYTHING, but it is happening so you know what? I'm just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it.

I want to start fresh and stop looking at everything in such a negative manner and am considering ending my relationship with this blog and starting a new one, concentrating on everything thats good in my life, the things that make me happy, the adventures and changes that are on the way.

I hope, dear loyal reader (waaha) that you won't feel like i've made you redundant. But a new chapter is well on the way and its time for me to stop writing about all that is bad but writing about all that is grand and hopefully, my precious memories stored in a blog will keep my positivity running on and on.

Because believe it or not, despite all my bitchings, i have a pretty dam good life. I just gotta learn to open up my eyes and my heart and see it.

Until Next time...

Moonwalking on Air!

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!

BD got us tickets to see MICHAEL JACKSON on the 8th September! I cannot EXPRESS how excited I am! I saw him back in the 90's in his HIStory concert and now, years later I am going to see him AGAIN at his THIS IS IT concert.

Honest to God, this has made a horrific day, the best day of the year so far!!!!

Life has meaning again! I love you hunni!!! xxx

Owner of a lonely heart

I can't stop thinking about how much I miss my family and friends at home. I think spending the weekend with couples is what triggered it off. But then, isn't that every weekend?

I guess I just want somebody here to love too and love me in return (sad, pouting face). Going to sleep every night on your own and waking up on your own everyday sucks. I'm not just talking about the bedside chats but saying morning when making a cup of tea or someone asking how your day was as you step through the door.

I've always thought that i loved living alone and i do, i like my own space and my own privacy but i do miss just having someone around - whether it be my Mum or my sister or a partner or friend.

Underneath it all, I'm very lonely. Whilst couples sometimes make me feel lonely, they (my friends) do bring me love and happiness and all in all, a distraction to what I myself am essentially missing.

I'm thankful to have them and thankful that they have one another. Seeing them happy makes me feel happy inside, despite the twang they leave in my heart.

Is that twang jealousy? Maybe a little, yeh.

What I learnt...

.... love is beautiful




Congratulations A&F :) xxx

Paula Radcliffe

Even my hero has to take a poop when she runs...

Astrology strikes again

ahahaha:

March will bring certain pressures to bear, but happily, it looks like you will find ways to rise above them, dear Gemini. As March begins, you may be focused on an endeavor that is emanating from foreign shores, and if this is true for you, it appears the project bursts with potential. You may have begun working on this project in January, or even possibly a few months prior to that, and it is likely to have made impressive progress so far. The momentum you've built will continue to carry you quite far, so keep your focus.


same site as last month www.astrologyzone.com

Discipline

Oh gosh, I am going ahead with something I know I probably shouldn't be going ahead with, but, I just can't turn down the challenge - i am bordering on agreeing to the KL marathon on the 28th June.

For the last two months I'd say on average I have run 15km (if that) a week, and as usual, despite cutting down my partying to non existence I still find myself looking absolutely exhausted everyday. Most of the time i have been so busy with work I've barely been able to make it to the gym and then when i do, I have a serious lack of energy.

But I really, really want to accomplish this dam marathon, so I'm going to put a training plan in place tomorrow evening - I have to look at running 20 - 40 KM per week, every week until the marathon in order to be able to complete it. Or so I'm told/ have read.

I just have to pass the pain threshold, cut down the weight training and concentrate on the running. I just wanna do it SO badly.

This means no more late Friday nights and early get ups EVERY Saturday in order to fit in one long run a week. And that means I have to run religiously AT LEAST twice a week. Sigh. Can I fit it in? Speaking of religiously it may mean that if I want to run more I may have to miss the odd church session (or go Saturday evenings) JUST so I can make time to have at least one lie in a week. Man, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but this may just kill me.

It's not like i have a busy schedule, but I do feel like the people around me don't realise how much training occupies my time and also, they don't seem to understand that I actually enjoy it. It's times like this when i wish I had just one friend who was into sport.

I'll let you know when I have decided. Actually I have already decided that I want to do it, I just don't want to let myself down by not completing it.

Now see this guy http://oldmanrunning.org/ is my hero - 73 and still running...!

Do you get me?

I was having a really shitty day today and physically disconnected myself from my friends, early afternoon as was mentally absent.

I was sitting at my computer, at home, job hunting when CJ came on line, she told me she had downloaded skype "just for me" (lol, like i was suppose to appreciate that after 3 years of nagging!) and we ended up speaking for over an hour and having a real laugh.

It was so good to catch up with a friend, when i was feeling so homesick today, and in particular missing my friends. She filled me in on the latest gossip and all the funny goings on within our group of friends. My, my there WAS some very good gossip to be shared! :)

I told her I was coming back to the UK in August and she was ecstatic. The funny thing is, CJ and I have always had an on-off friendship since we first met at 13 but all the same, I do love her.

I really miss my friends today, but speaking with CJ certainly brought a smile and laughter lines to my face.

I'm looking forward to returning home.

10 things i hate about couples...

1) WEeing. What is with couples who refer to themselves as one person "WE did this at the weekend" ok that's fine, but then "WE think this..." That is what annoys me the most. Do couples not think Independtly any more? Stop weeing all over the place. You are an individual person at the end of the day.

2) Couples that FEEL SORRY for single people. At EVERY opportunity they try and hook you up with anything that moves. "Ooooh I saw you talking to that guy, he's nice looking, did you get his number?". Gragh! Are us single monsters not allowed to talk to a member of the opposite sex without falling in love with them?

3) PDA - public displays of affection. Happy for you to hold hands, exchange "knowing smiles" cuddle and share the odd affectionate kiss but don't start talking "lovey dovey" and touch each other in an inappropriate and excessively intimate way in front of me. i feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and also, I don't know where to look. Mah.



4) Revisiting point one. You CAN have your own individual friends. If you ask me to hang out with you (and only you) then fine. But YOU is not BOTH of you. I don't want to discuss my evening of hot passionate kinky sex or my broken heart in front of your partner who i barely know. If you don't want to see me on your own then just say (recent incident where a friend has said we never hang out the two of us and then when i organise a nice afternoon she says "oh do you mind if *partner* comes as... and then comes up with a stupid excuse. YOU asked ME for girl time, not the other way around! I'm quite happy to do that but don't make excuses, just be honest dammit. My point is this, if we are arranging something just the two of us can your "other half" entertain himself for a measly hour?

5) Other half. I don't need to write more.

6) Cards. Stop giving me cards from the both of you, you cheeky gits! Its obvious that only one party can be ARSED to organise it. I give you INDIVIDUAL cards and CELEBRATE your friendship individually, so do so the same with me :( (to be honest, i think this is just the way of the world and i too will probably do this one day).

7) If I haven't seen you in 6 months don't have this conversation with me:

you: "hey! long time no see! How are you?"
me: "Oh i'm good thanks yeh.. bla bla"
you: "Found yourself a man yet?"
me: (and i always use the same old jokey/ defensive line) "no i'm still footloose and fancy free!" (SMILE)
you: "oh, don't worry, I'm sure Mr Right is out there somewhere!"

Erm, yeh I am too but THANKS for your reassurance. YOU DICK HEAD.

OK there are actually only 7 points, I'm sure if I were a couple my other half would help me think of a few more and we could tell you about these together :P

Hhhhmmmm...

Something isn't right.

Mada went away for the weekend with friends and was back at work on Tuesday. I have seen him on msn three nights in a row whilst at the end of my day and he didn't say hi. He usually does first and i was so busy i didn't get a chance to say hi. On my way to the gym i sent him a hello text to see if he wanted to chat at the weekend and he sent me an EMAIL back. No "Katelin" and no kisses.

Something isn't right.

I also gained a kilo in two months.

That and the above, is enough to make anyone suicidal.

A change of continent?

Have been spending some time looking at community projects to get involved with during my *cough* career break *cough*. I have been recommended this company http://www.madventurer.com/ I'm particularly interested in their projects in Uganda and other areas of Africa, besides, I'd like to escape from Asia for a while, i have 'done' Asia for too long now (or will have, by the end of the year).

I initially thought I'd be interested in a teaching post but I also really like the idea of working at the orphanage. Something else that appeals to me are the more manual labour opportunities there are such as actual construction work and community support. That would be a completely different angle to anything i have experienced before, althoguh i know i would enjoy working with children the most.

I only spent a few hours going over the site last night but it's going into the bank of ideas for sure. I've been harping on since 2004 (after returning from the Ratu Filse school in Fiji) that I was going to go "out there" and do "something" more. What better way to spend my bonus? On something I would enjoy but also, something that will help others. I'm game.

No ordinary morning

Well this morning was eventful!

I woke up at about 5am on my sofa in a hot sweat, having had to sleep in my living room as the aircon is broken in my bedroom. As it transpired we also had a power cut at some point before 5am and I was literally soaked in sweat when I suddenly awoke (having dreamt i was being chased by a talking shark) - good job I'd placed a sheet over my sofa - euwh!

I wasn't really sure what was going on so i stumbled over to the power box with a torch to try and see what had triggered off. All the switches were "on" and so i peaked out and couldn't really tell either way if all of the building power was off as it was still kinda the middle of the night.

I lay on the sofa trying to sleep some more but it was impossibly hot, even with the balcony door open, in the end i decided to have a FREEZING cold shower as I couldn't do much else. So I showered in the dark and then lit some candles and applied my make up by candlelight. This morning I amazed myself, I can actually apply make up "blind". My face looks the same as it usually does - hilarious!

I quickly got dressed as was getting warm again very quickly and made my way to the car, with soaking wet hair and hairdryer and straighteners in bag. Arrived to the cool aircon of the office and blow dried and straightened my hair using the window as a mirror.

LOL. I can't believe I look like I've had a completely regular morning and that none of this madness actually took place.

I'm in so early and beat the traffic that perhaps I should consider doing my hair in the office on a regular basis? Oh well, best go get coffee.

Kate Winslet

I just watched Kate Winslet's Oscar acceptance on You Tube and I really think she is one of the most lovely actress' that has ever graced our planet. Her acceptance speech actually made me cry, as she shouts "Where are you Dad?" and as he whistles out she waves like a little girl and yells "I love you!", it's just so heartwarming. I also smiled at her husband's little grasped fists for glory right at the end as she walks off - that's love :)

She more than deserves it, she has worked so hard for so many years, produced amazing films, been nominated for so many years and FINALLY she got what every actress dreams of - an oscar. Well done Kate, I'm a big fan of you!!! :)

Dirty Minded or Quick Thinker

I was listening to Capital Radio on my drive home when i heard an advert for Domestic Violence awareness. The advert was a woman's voice asking if you heard a child crying endlessly, a smashing of glass, screaming etc etc from your neighbor, would you know who to call? Then in the background played Michael Jackson's 'You Are Not Alone' whilst the woman advised how important it is to know who to contact in a time of crisis.

Three things struck me:

1) They didn't actually give us a number to call, only that we should have the numbers to hand
2) Michael Jackson has a reputation as a child abuser
3) (And this is the worst) The expression they used (for knowing of a situation but not having a number to call) was "don't get caught with your pants down".

Now, I don't know, maybe i have a really sick dirty mind or, perhaps I'm just far more intellectual than the person who wrote this add, but when addressing child abuse, should you or should you not combine these factors:

1) Play music by an artist who has been labelled a "kiddy fiddler"
2) Tell the listener that they shouldn't get caught with the "pants" down.

Have i thought about this too much (but this thought came to my head as i heard the add, not after) or is this just plain silly? Why would you address such a serious issue with such a silly phrase such as "don't get caught with your pants down" anyway?



Joking aside, how will Malaysia ever get anyone to sit up and listen if they address such serious matters in such a callous way?
Seriously, Malaysia really does get it all wrong sometimes.

Feeling all philosophical

It's been a busy week, but not a stressful week. Busy weeks I can handle. I even managed 4 personal training sessions this week and with my fourth one this morning I dragged myself in, full of cold and with a chesty cough - exhausted! I imagine the last few weeks have finally taken their toll and landed me with a cold. But it's OK I don't feel like death, it's manageable. I'm taking lots of rest this weekend and am NOT SMOKING!

It's been so nice having some order back in my life, it's amazing how just half a dozen runs in a week and a half have started to pull my body back into shape again. Not that i have any form of eating disorder to draw on, but most people who know me well enough know that being comfortable in my body makes me a happier person. I am happier when i don't feel "fat". So i feel a bit better about my outside appearance this week. I have been making a conscious effort to cut crap out of my diet and eat responsibly. When I put my mind to it and do it, I do generally feel better.

Last week held a spot of bother, or "blogther" if you will, which resulted in me having to change my blog title and address for fear of being "discovered". Even though I want to be free and write whatever I fancy, i realise that it's not that easy. The last few months have been hard on me and i know at times i have written aggressively. So for now i remain even more anonymous with a silhouette picture and no other name to go by, other than the infamous "Bubs".

I discovered in the week when managing to catch A&F for dinner (i know, i actually have a social life again!) that they are returning to Norway in August. Hearing them process their thoughts aloud was encouraging. It's funny, for them, moving back home is not a failure, only time to move on. I wish i felt the same and to be fair, i am getting there. I guess i had it in my head that i would be an expat for ever and if i returned i would have failed. Failed what? People do this all the time, secondments and what not and they return. I need to get over myself! :P

I know deep down in my heart that if this itchy and torn feeling remained I couldn't go on, wondering what grown up life in the UK was all about. I have never lived in the UK as an adult. I pretty much left the UK in 2004 with my backpacking and then only returned a short while before moving to HK. So it is actually going to be a whole new adventure.

Although I'm not pining all my hopes on Mada and I working out, a part of me really really hopes that we can at least give it a go. I can't imagine, right now being with anyone else and so, i hope we can at least try. Saying that, despite returning to the UK I'm not entirely sure if I will settle down there straight away. Although it will be my base at the moment I'm thinking I will take a week or so out to get settle and see friends and family etc and then I would like to take some time out with either travel or community work abroad. I know Mada would love to do it too but he has his head fixed on doing things in a certain order first. We are very different like that. Perhaps I can coax him into spending just a few weeks "my way" just to see how life can be lived when you're just that little bit more carefree than society expects you to be. I want a house too (haha am i contradicting myself?), but I'm coming to realise that these things take time and all will fall into place. Somehow.

Everyone, despite what they have, has an element of wanting more, or doing better, or trying something new. I think it's in our nature. And I think I will always be one of those people, ever curious, ever wondering what more is out there. Why are some people just born restless and others are satisfied with what they have hu? Which is better, the drive to have more or the content to live your everyday life as it is laid out for you? Some times I wonder. Actually i lie, frequently, I wonder.

I'm feeling OK, although knowing that I'm returning only makes me want to get that ball rolling, undoubtedly the next few months are going to be restless but I hope they will be fun too! In one sense i just wanna get back to the UK but in another I want to hold onto my home, here, as long as possible. I may only have a handful of friends (literally) but they have been good to me over my time in Malaysia and I'll be full of sorrow to part with them. I hope that in a few years from now i'll be a little more settled and less "itchy" (haha so I DO want to be one of THOSE people, eventually) and that they will come visit me and I can be proud to show them how my life is in the UK.

My Equinox said that often I concentrate so hard on planning the future that I forget to live the now. I think it's very true. But sometimes you can't change a person's nature. When I reach my next plan will I stop planning or will I plan more? Or is that what life is all about? Trying to work it all out and finally, you reach 80 years old and you think, well, that wasn't so bad.

Despite all the turbulence I have endured (a large proportion self inflicted) I know when I'm 80, I'll have a tale to tell. I'll probably still be complaining that I never went to that place and I never did that though... that's just me.

My Band

Band Name: Ideological Criticism
Album Title: For they first find out your faults



Haha one of my friends just posted this fun game on FB. MY band turned out totally awesome!

This is how you play:

Instructions below...

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Naked Idol

HHhhmmm I just watched American Idol. Dam i love that show! I wanna be on it!

I just pumped out The Bodyguard soundtrack out and pranced around naked in my apartment and belted out some tunes in the shower. Then it suddenly occurred to me that i really should stop being so naked in my apartment, well, at least i should consider shutting my curtains when i do so....

Good Vibrations

Pleased to continue on with much more positive blog entries these days.

Knowing that I am leaving my company officially on August 7th 2009 is one huge move (literally and metaphorically). I thought that I was going to be all in a panic that I haven't got a job to go to but I remain calm and upbeat and most importantly, positive (same as upbeat?).

The prospect of being able to return to Malaysia to work on Project Bombies or to work remotely from the UK (if all goes well) is really helping my mindset in knowing that "All is not lost" and if I do want to return to the KL, and Bombie still wants/ is able to go ahead with the biz idea. Well it's reassuring. Whether or not that will work out, if it will transpire in 1 year, 2 years of half a decade it's the peace of mind I need.

As for returning to the UK. Well, this looks inevitable now. Yesterday I found out that the new Malaysia law states that (unless you really can bend ALL the rules) you must be 27 or above to hold a working visa in Malaysia. Therefore, there is not much hope in me finding a job in KL which is going to be willing to apply for me. They can, but there are certain laws to abide to and in honesty I don't have the passion or ambition (again, same meaning?) or DRIVE (that's a better word) to push this matter. Working for BFM would be contractual anyway, and so I doubt they would ever wish to or need to support a visa. But that's a whole other matter, it still hasn't taken off in it's entity so that really is on a "we'll see" basis.

So, I need to get my mindset straight for returning to the UK. It has it's ups and it certainly has it's downs. But overall, the change is well needed.

So now, I have decided the first two major things:

1) To leave my job: Confirmed
2) To move back to the UK

Now I need to decide WHAT to do once I have LEFT my job and MOVED back to the UK.

The options I am considering are the following:

1) Go travel for a bit. Why the heck not? I've worked my arse off for the last 5 years. I can have a break. I could do the Europe trip I have been dreaming about for so long
2) Study - take an MBA in business? Or take a course in something that could help change my career plan. No idea just a thought.
3) Study and work part time.
4) Work Full Time - Temping? New Career? What area? hhhmm. Lots to consider.

Needless to say, I'm moving forward, with positive energy and faith that it will all turn out, OK.

Faith and naivete? Same same? ;)

Happy Days

Today was a very good day. Here is why:

- I didn't oversleep thanks to a very, very rested weekend
- I managed to drive from KL to Kelana Jaya back to KL in 1 hours and 7 minutes in order to pick up some recording equipment from the studio in my break without arousing suspicion within my office
- My managing director had sun flowers delivered to my office with a card which read "it's good to know that you can count on some people to go the extra mile". I think it was because she felt guilty (well actually, she emailed me this and told me so) but still, a very, very nice gesture. I love flowers and sunflowers are particularly beautiful :)
- I got shit loads of work done
- I left the office at 5.45 and did a 45 minute (8K) run and an hour of personal training
- I got home and made myself a smoothie for dinner - yummy!

See how productive I've been? I'm now gonna hop in the shower as i stink BAD and then finish off one piece of work from earlier today and then get into bed :)

The best bit about today was discussing "Project Bombies" (Bombie - that's what it's called now, ok?) and realising that there is no rush to get this on the move now. Actually knowing that this plan is in the background makes me feel even more reassured that if I were to return to the UK and I'm happy or unhappy I have this in Malaysia all along. I.E If the UK is going well, why the hell not invest in the business on the side and if it's shitty, I'll return when Bombie is ready to make a go of it.

It makes me feel much more reassured that returning to the UK (for now) COULD be the right option after all. I can set up an ISA account and whack the savings for the business in there and leave it untouched for (hopefully) only a year or so until Bombie can get moving.

I don't know why this didn't come to mind sooner! With this in mind I feel more and more confident that by returning to the UK I won't lose my whole life here, in KL.

I know it's not an answer, nor is it a real plan but it's hope and it's faith.

All the more reason for me to get that dam tattoo on the way... :)

Gemini - By Mr J

Mr J finally finished his painting for me and it's TOTALLY awesome! I took a photo on my phone so it's not that good quality, but you can get the gist of it. i really feel like he captured the essence of me and I can't stop looking at it - it's called "Gemini" haha. I see the image on the left as how i am portrayed and the one on the right with all the inner personality. I could be wrong, but that's how i interpret it so far! It's so intricate. I'll keep staring it and I'm sure more will come to light!

He did good. Better than good, excellent - I love it!!! No one has ever done anything like that for me before so I'm totally chuffed. Can't wait to get it up on the wall :)

We're making head way...

6 months - not bad hu?

Church Idol

Couldn't help but giggle at Church today. A very, shall we say, passionate(?) singer was belting out a soulful tune or two and I couldn't help but cringe at every note - she was awful! The sad/ sweet (bittersweet?) thing is that it seems to be the most passionate singers seem to be the worst!

One side of me I have Bombie who has a beautiful voice, simple, light, tuneful voice, a delight! Then I had possibly the worst singer in the world behind me and then poor little me, barely letting out a whisper trying to work out the tune of the song i don't know with various 'harmonies' going on around me!

I dare say it is like American Idol at times. If Simon Cowell was a Christian (is he? I doubt!) I reckon he would have turned around and said "I can catgorically say that you have just complteley destroyed one of my all time favourite songs. You don't even deserve to be in this compititon." And the singer would have of course replied with the usual "Everyone who hears me tells me I have an amazing voice".



Hahahahaha. Perhaps they should consider that at the church, imagine, Pastor Chew trying to find a way to tell half the congregation that they couldn't sing. hehehehe ooooh naughty me and my naughty mind. hehehehehe :)

Quote - Unquote

Freedom and independence in personal relationships is a major issue for you. Some of your most successful partnerships are when you live in a parallel existence, each doing your own thing, yet always maintaing a bond based on friendship.

Elastic-Bombastic!

Oh my gosh I'm sooooooooooooooooo excited! I could scream for joy! But, I can't because my jaw is held together with an elastic band (dammit). I will upload photo over weekend once I'm at home but today I had this elastic fitted over three brackets to the right side of my mouth. It looks like i've got this random bit of weirdness hanging out when I talk and I can only open my mouth about 10mm wide (which i'm sure some people will be pleased about). But do you know what? I don't care! Why? Because my dentist reckons the braces will be off by August! Sorry what was that you said? AUGUST??? YES! AUGUST!!!!!!

I cannot express in words (which is a shame as this is a blog) how EXCITED I am :D I have to wear these darn elastics though for 4 weeks solid and try my best to wear it 24 hours a day - sob! But I'm gonna do it because I know the longer I wear it the quicker this will all be over.

The purpose of the elastic is to make my bite even out on the right side. Basically, the left side now meets but the right still has an overbite. I can REALLY feel it pulling around the teeth and jaw and the dentist has pre warned me the next 48 hours are gonna be painful - but dammit, I'm taking on the challenge! (He said I can take it off when I go "partying" hahaha).

Peace out.

7 heaven toilet do's & don'ts

OK, clearly my "quick cycle" setting on the washing machine isn't all that quick. And rather than blogging enthusiastically at work tomorrow when I should be tearing my hair out over maths and insurance terminology I'll blog about toilets in Malaysia and why they annoy me. i raised it with friends over supper tonight and it was comical. This was what I had to say:

1) The hose. Why oh why in God's name do they have the frickin hose? I mean, yes I get it, it's something to do with Muslims and hygiene or something. But ladies, if you are going to hose down your vagina, hose down your VAGINA not the entire cubicle! Wipe the dam seat after so that I don't get a wet bottom when I sit on it after you. And get it IN the toilet not on the floor - I don't want soggy trouser hems.

2) Squatting ON the toilet seat. IF you INSIST on squatting to take a crap flippin well do it over the HOLE provided especially for you weirdos that don't like to take the pleasure of relaxing your calf muscles and pooping like a NORMAL CIVILIZED HUMAN BEING!!! I don't want to go to take a dump and see your FOOT PRINTS on the seat - what the fuck is wrong with you?

3) Toilet paper - or lack of. Are you that much of a pikey that you would steal paper from a public toilet to save money on paper for your home? Yup that's right, in Malaysia, or ASIA, you have to take toilet roll from the office TO the toilet. The worse part is under judging how much paper you might need. Everyone knows that from time to time you go to wee and accidentally a poop takes you by surprise and pops out. Best be safe and take the whole role with you.

4) Sanitary bins. Just HAVING ONE will do. I personally don't enjoy taking my tampon applicator out of the toilet with me and putting it in an open bin (hence taking the whole roll, and wrapping it up in excess tissue so some poor unfortunate soul doesn't catch an eye of it). Additionally ladies, I know that for some reason you enjoy wearing sanitary towels (nappies) but please do as i do and wrap it up and put it away - ergh.

5) I KNOW you're pooing. And playing music from your mp3 player on your phone only makes me listen out for your plop more. You can try and make it splash in time with the beat but the odds are, it won't. Plus, are you seriously telling me that you're gonna wipe your arse and then hold your phone in your hand BEFORE you wash your hands?

6) No you won't because many Malaysians don't wash their hands! I am witness to this EVERYDAY. Wash your hands la - you disgust me!!!

7) If you are only going to provide squat holes please can you put markings as to what angle your feet should go at because I always get wee on my foot. My bad. Thank you.



A nice toilet on top of Mount Kinabalu, Borneo. Which I took, for your visual pleasure.

"Bom ~ Bees"

I know, I know, it's late but I couldn't resist blogging whilst waiting for my gym clothes to get through the "quick" cycle. I ran out of clean shorts and working out in a sports bra and thong seems inappropriate. Although, it could be quite liberating.. anyway, where was i?

My mind is doing fireworks. Bombie and I sat in my car for ages tonight discussing futures, dreams and aspirations for our lives. This girl is so on my page. I have never met a friend that I can just look at and know EXACTLY what they are thinking. To the extent that it is almost a weeeee bit freaky. From the moment I met her, I never ever imagined we would even get on - ha! How wrong was i.

The discussion of starting a business was raised again. I've mentioned it to a few people in the past who have been all enthusiastic but I've always kinda known that they weren't actually "serious" about it. As suspected the girl was serious that time we "joked" about it all those months ago. I knew she was at the time. Bah! It's tempting. Simply because, I have absolutely nothing to lose. Only money. If it all goes tits up, I tried and I, hey hang on, I never fail :P

Our idea, for now I will keep under wraps, but we're aiming towards the same end result and what i like is that we were straight from the start even when we were still idolizing the idea. That it would be a business agreement. There would be contracts and agreements (and much as we both trust in "good faith"). I liked that we both agreed on that. I also like how strong she was over wanting to own half of the business. She wants to OWN the idea, not just be a part of it. Good girl.

Of course, its just vocalizing thoughts, but as I say it's tempting, I have no real idea what I want to do with my life and it incorporates so many of things in my life i do want.

This is worth putting some effort into. I wonder if it's doable... I have my thinking face on.

Everyday is a skool day

I was having lunch with neighbour just now, giving her advice over certain things in the office (funnily enough she now works for my company - good luck luv!) but as I sat explaining things, it dawned on me how much I have learnt since living in Malaysia (the last year in particular) and how much of what I have learnt I have actually begun applying to my life. Three things are very apparent to me:

1) I have learnt to lower my expectations of people. I realised that all my life I have had very high expectations of people. Why? Because I set high expectations for myself. For years I have felt disappointed in people not living up to MY expectations and why should they? They are pretty darn high. And so by lowering my expectations which I have only realised just today that I have been doing over the last few months, I am becoming less dissatisfied in those around me and more surprised at things they do that exceed my... hahaha - Expectation!

2) I have learnt that you CAN put "number one" first. People always say "put number one first" and my motto has been this - If I make someone else unhappy by putting MYSELF first, I end up MORE unhappy doing what I WANT rather than just not doing what I want but knowing that I have kept someone else happy. It may sound silly but I have always got more happiness over putting other people first, but always been a bit bitter that I didn't get to do what I wanted. But I've come to realise it's not about putting yourself first it's about thinking things through and not (hahahah) RAISING people's EXPECTATIONS! If you can't do something that you wanted to and you're going to make some one unhappy. HANDLE IT head on. Explain why and clearly and if you're being fair they WILL understand. This works. I have put it into practice, initially I found it hard but when I realised that people weren't as disappointed as i EXPECTED it became easier. (see point 1 above)

3) I have learnt that you must participate in the game to win it. As much as you want to BE you and be ACCEPTED for who YOU are. Sometimes, just sometimes, you have to play the game in order to win. I have only done this in my business life these last few weeks but my determination and strength which felt almost non existent over the last month has pulled me through. Why? Because I played the game and I played it so well, that I won. Don't hate the player remember, hate the game.

I have to get back to work now - I can't WIN all the time, dammit :P

I'm converted!

Geeeee, last month I ordered my character profile (see blog) and found it very beneficial in giving myself some reassurance about myself. Manc recommended ordering my Yearly Forecast. I thought about it and am now going to order it. I like it's concept because it is not a "precition" or a form of "fortune telling" but more of a guide of how the planets influence you over the coming 12 months. Seeing as today I formally handed in my notice (smile) I feel having some sort of "guide" may help me think more comprehensively over my path to a new life.

I was just speaking to Manc asking her about the guide and she told me to check my horoscope by this astrologer she uses frequently at www.astrologyzone.com and low and behold check out what it said... I'm really getting into this stuff - but of course, I'm sure as I soon as i see something i don't like I might change my mind! haha! Well for now, it's quite up lifting in my search for a new perspective, new life, new me :)

(Initial few paragraphs below, full version on website, note that Feb 9th seems particularly significant and this was the day I informed my MD I was going to handing in my notice. I only accessed this site for the first time today)

In February your world will undergo exciting change, one that will open up your mind to new people and assignments, and expose you to new concepts, interests, and ideas. You'll have a rare opportunity to pull all your talents together and show them off in a new setting - it would be hard to imagine a more ideal opportunity! Clearly, the tide is turning in your favor, dear Gemini, and you'll feel more optimistic than you've felt in months.

Planets in your ninth house will help you learn to communicate in a new way or in a brand new medium. Soon you'll be off in an exciting new direction. Publishing and broadcasting projects glitter and will allow plenty of room for you to put your individual stamp of creativity.

You may be asked to write, lecture, teach, or be on a TV or radio show. You may be developing a presence on the Internet or work on a digital game. A telecommunications project may intrigue you, or you may be writing new software. You may design an advertising campaign, work on a publicity project for a client, or shape a seminar you'll soon teach. There are many possibilities.

Mei nu :)

Someone asked me if I was of a Chinese descent this evening. I think its my new hair cut.

The end has just begun

You know those are all just angry words, right? And that I have tears in my eyes now, as I write my formal notice.

It is the beginning of the end, of an era.

So long, so fucking farewell!

The chat didn't go as well as to be expected. My MD is weird. When trying to discuss my terms about 6 months notice she says "well were not just going to let you go before then" like I was being stupid to ask her to confirm that they will keep me on! She was so blase, when I asked about my repatriation she said "oh well we'll just sort something reasonable out for you"... Something reasonable? EXACT FIGURES please IN WRITING please. Then when I say well how shall we move forward she says "Well you can put it in writing IF YOU WANT"... if you want?

She's so fucking stupid. She has NO IDEA how to run a BUSINESS! She has no fucking clue!

It's like she doesn't realise that people need CONTRACTS, SECURITY, CONFIRMATION not just when they hand their notice in but at ANY GIVEN TIME.

FUCK! She made me feel like I was so small but in fact she's the idiot. Well I'm going to put it all in writing and state exactly what I expect and DEMAND it in writing back.

I feel like saying, do you know what? Fuck off, I'm going to just give you three months.

We even talked about how to make the department/ office run better EVERY IDEA she poo-pooed as if it were completely unthinkable. Why? Because it involves spending money.

YOU HAVE TO SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MONEY IN THIS WORLD.

YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE - 3 YEARS AHEAD NOT 3 MONTHS AHEAD.

She probably hates the fact that a 25 year old knows how to run her business better than her and you know what? I actually believe I do.

Gonna get that notice out today and then thank FUCK I'm gone of this fucking place.

She even had the cheek to ask me if I wanted to move to the Dubai office - does she not even GET IT?????

Goodbye. And GOOD RIDDANCE!

The calm before the storm

They said before the tsunami hit the asian shores, the ocean was suddenly as still as a mill pond, calm and graceful. Everything went eerily quiet, birds stopped chirping, palm trees ceased to sway, the summer breeze froze.

People stood and gazed out to the vast, wide open water, sparkling in the sunlight. They squinted with one eye, shaded by their lifted palms and pondered over the atmosphere around them which seemed to shift in energy.

The ocean inhaled itself inside out, it's wave rose into a threatening liquid monster, the tide ripped and screamed mercilessly. And then, the earth shattering wave struck at full force and destroyed everything in it's path. There were no survivors. Least not any in it's immediate proximity.

And the world changed, forever.

A friend in need is a friend indeed?

Where did that expression come from?

There is this young guy who works at my gym who is sooooo sweet. I have a soft spot for him because he is pretty young (22) and still studying and working part time. The reason i like him is because although everyone at the gym always says hi and makes small talk with me, he always seems to WANT to chat to me. Like an eager child, waiting his turn :) He has the cutest face and every now and then he'll tell me about whats going on and what he's been up to. I enjoy listening to him, I think he's one of those people who are under estimated because he's got quite a different personality to some of the other trainers (jocks) at the gym. If you catch my drift. If you don't (he doesn't love himself!)

Whenever i see him he has a big smile on his face and i always run up to him and give him a cuddle (he's massive and tall). Anyway lately he seems down talking about his mum being ill and his facebook status is always something a little sad or emotional and i never really get the opportunity to talk to him. I always sense that he wants to talk to me but kinda, never wants to bother me.

He wrote a 'note' in FB about having to move back to Sabah and in it wrote the following:

i'll be leaving for good this may...i dont know if i can ever see few friends in this club..uni..geez..i became bit emotional this morning..i met my good friend a.k.a member in my club..*bubs..she damn nice till everytime she see me she will say.."hey my brother, how are you" and throw some hug. she also might be leavin to london for good..and i belive thats the best for her....

I had no idea that i was THAT significant in his life that he would even mention me like that. I felt so touched.

This morning I saw him after my run as I was waiting for my trainer to turn up (who didn't, and annoyed me somewhat) and I thought what an excellent oppotrunity to give HIM the opportunity to talk to me (if he wants to) so i turned to him and said "oh Hafiz, how on earth am i going to become a size Zero if my trainer keeps cancelling on me hu? hehe" (cheeky smile) and he said, "oh, I'm free, shall i show you some new ab exercises?" so of course i said "really? you wouldn't mind? I'm so unmotivated these days" (wink to myself for my plan working).

So we went over to a quiet corner and started doing ab work for about ten mins and then without me pushing, promting, hinting, suggesting he opened his heart for about 45 mins and told me all that was going on and all these problems he was having. In a nutshell, he has been offered a scholarship to take his masters which includes a year and a half in either America or Australia (amazing hu?) I was thrilled for him but the problem is his Mum who cries down the phone to him begging him not to leave and claiming that she fears she will die and he will not be there to take care of her. She is apparently ill, but i didn't pry as to ill with what.

Hafiz is tied, on one hand he is desperate to do "something more" with his life than return to Sabah where he feels in his degree there is nothing for him and on the other, he has loyalties to his Mother. I gave him some open advice on ways to approach things and told him that i understood entirely. He eventually told me that he admired me and wished he could be like me and that his Mum would "let him go" like my mum had. Of course that led onto a whole other convo of me explaining how things aren't always as they seem and of Western/ Asian family morals and differences which is far to deep to get into. He said yes but you are so brave and always smiling - his innocence made me smile more.

Eventually after about an hour, I had to get going so we finished chatting and i told him that if anytime he wanted to chat just to text me and we can go makan. And i meant it, he has a heart of gold and i can see the pain he is experiencing, having been there myself - live your life for someone else, or live your life for yourself?

After I left he sent wrote a further note on facebook:

u such an angel to me *bubs...nice and very please! eheh tanx for being such a caring person...p/s: *bubs is a feeling detector...she can know how i feel by just looking at my face..ehehhe love u babe.

How lovely. I guess what I'm getting at in this blog is that, I am so glad I could touch someone's heart just by listening. We don't need to be told by our friends when we have helped them with something, usually it is an unsaid knowledge between two people. That's what makes you good friends - understanding one another on a level that other people can't reach. But when you don't even realise you have done and someone thanks you, well, it's even more touching :)

Am i being unreasonable here?

Mada: I miss you Katelin. Are you ever going to talk to me again? :( XXX

Bubs: Hey, I miss you too, u must know i do x

Mada: I don't like you hating me like this. I wish things were like they were a couple of weeks ago. I miss chatting to you XXX

Bubs: I don't hate you! I'm just struggling with the concept that you keep telling me that you miss me and yet if i were to return tomorrow you wouldn't want a relationship with me. Because really, if thats how it is,i cant keep doing this. I need something more from u, i don't know what though. Just something to know you really want me and its not just the "i miss yous" :(

Mada: i miss you as a friend and that you're not in my life everyday not that i can't live without you. if you returned tomorrow then i don't know if i'd want a relationship with you but doesn't mean no. hiding away and not talking 2 me isn't sorting any of this out :) xxx

Bubs: You still don't get it, do you? Talk another time, its late and stupid discussing this over sms.

Mada: I get it more than you realise. I really do. Night night Katelin. Hopefully chat some time soon. Sweet dreams xxx

What the fuck does that mean??? If he "gets" that he is breaking my heart, every time we go through this, then WHY does he keep doing it? God he makes me so insanely angry!

Gargh! Men! Bah! Stupid!

Life sentence; officially over

Just a quick line or two as, haha, I just got home and need to take a shower and get back to work - yes, this is what my life has reduced itself to! BUT, I finally did it today - I handed in my notice. I was going to put an exclamation mark there but I'm not sure if I feel excited or nervous, at the moment I just feel an element of relief.

NB and I went for lunch and I told him that I would like to give 6 months notice so that I can "buy time" as obviously I don't have a job lined up yet. I explained to him, all of the reasons i feel i need to leave (off the record) and he turned to me and said that he backed me 100% and that I was making the right decision. He said, in truth, as much as he has tried to encourage me over the last few months, in reality, the company is the way it is and not for want of trying, will he or I be able to change it.

I explained that I felt i had done all i could do and more and that now i want a new career path which is more rewarding and right for me.

So, tonight he will speak to the big MD in the UK who is over in KL on Monday and on Tuesday, I will have a formal meeting to which I will "negotiate" my exit. Fingers crossed, things go smoothly. She may not accept it, she may tell me to leave in 3 months, but giving all that I have over the last four years, I hope I get what i rightfully deserve.

So this weekend I'm going to avoid thinking about work and wait for next week to come round, once i know the score I guess it'll be time to put my thoughts into IDEAS and move forward.

Wow. I can't believe I've done it.

(The exclamation mark will come in time)...!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Things have been tough this week as you may have well noted but by and by my friends in KL support me through the toughest times. With calls, and texts, and hugs, and reassuring words, and little messages here and there and sweet gestures.

Last night Bombies called just to "check on me" and knowing that I wasn't being judged for my wreckless thoughts, but supported in all that I do, felt fantastic.

Manc dropped by my office for lunch today and she arrived with a little gift to "cheer me up". A cup cake - with a face on it that apparently looks just like me! :)



Well perhaps my Asian alterego!

How adorable and kind! I love you guys, thanks for taking care of me xxx

General Wonderingments

Should I just hand my notice in now and leave?
Why can't I stop crying?
Should I negotiate my terms?
Am I too scared to face the truth?
Am I trying to hard to do something "different"?
If I want it so badly why aren't I doing anything?
Should I leave without having a job lined up?
Should I take the risk and hope that once I've handed in my notice I will have the motivation to start looking properly?
Why is it so hard to make decisions these days?
Is it really that big a deal?
Should I try and stick it out until the end of the year?
Should I go back to the UK?
Should I try a new country?
Should I try and make a real go of things with BFM and just settle once and for all in KL?
Should I email Mada and tell him I miss talking to him?
Will I be perceived as a failure?
Am I failing myself?
Am I not good enough for you?
Why don't you want me?
Why aren't I happy with the wonderful things I have in my life?
Am I selfish?
Am I depressed?
Are my ideas stupid?
Do I even know what I want?
Am I scared to face the truth?
Am I hiding away from reality?
Am I living a lie?
Am I pathetic?
How am I going to move forward?
What am I going to say to my manager next week?
Am I as strong as I believe I am?
Am I ever going to be satisfied?
Should I just be happy with what I have and stop searching for more?
Do I deserve more from life?
Will my prayers be answered?
Will things get easier?
Will I look back next year and smile?
Should I eat something?
Should I even bother getting out of bed tomorrow?

This is my head right now, do you see? Do you see why I can't concentrate on ANYTHING? I'm going fucking crazy. I just want ANSWERS and there are NONE. Why? Because I have to find them from WITHIN and all there are, is questions, uncertainties, self doubt, lack of confidence, indecision, mind games, broken hearts and a tummy bug.

OH MY GOD please, get me out of this awful awful pit I just wanna be smiley again, but not the fake smile. The smile that is a confident and happy 25 year old girl.

You know what's worse? Is that probably that the situation isn't that bad but my state of mind that is. What does that tell you? I know exactly. Shit. It's happening all over again.

Move on Up - Curtis Mayfield

~ one of my favorite songs that keeps me inspired to keep going!

Hush now child and don't you cry
Your folks might understand you by and by
Move on up towards your destination
You may find from time to time
Complications

Bight your lip and take a trip
Though there may be wet road ahead
You cannot slip
So move on up and peace you will find
Into the steeple of beautiful people
Where there's only one kind

So hush now child and don't you cry
Your folks might understand you by and by
Just move on up and keep on wishing
Remember your dreams are your only schemes
So keep on pushing
Take nothing less - not even second best
And do not obey - you must have your say
You can past the test

Move on up!

~ i can't remember how to import videos from U Tube :( why is technology so complicated? (frown, pout, hhmmm)