It's been ages since I've blogged. Well only a week but considering I usually blog daily it seems like a life time.
I've felt resistence to blog because I felt myself spiraling into this deep depression and feeling so negative about pretty much everything.
A whole lot of stuff has gone down lately and in a nutshell, I am now leaving my job on the 29th May 2009 and leaving Malaysia in June 2009. most importantly, returning to the UK. I feel out of sorts and confused about EVERYTHING, but it is happening so you know what? I'm just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it.
I want to start fresh and stop looking at everything in such a negative manner and am considering ending my relationship with this blog and starting a new one, concentrating on everything thats good in my life, the things that make me happy, the adventures and changes that are on the way.
I hope, dear loyal reader (waaha) that you won't feel like i've made you redundant. But a new chapter is well on the way and its time for me to stop writing about all that is bad but writing about all that is grand and hopefully, my precious memories stored in a blog will keep my positivity running on and on.
Because believe it or not, despite all my bitchings, i have a pretty dam good life. I just gotta learn to open up my eyes and my heart and see it.
Until Next time...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Moonwalking on Air!
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!
BD got us tickets to see MICHAEL JACKSON on the 8th September! I cannot EXPRESS how excited I am! I saw him back in the 90's in his HIStory concert and now, years later I am going to see him AGAIN at his THIS IS IT concert.
Honest to God, this has made a horrific day, the best day of the year so far!!!!
Life has meaning again! I love you hunni!!! xxx
BD got us tickets to see MICHAEL JACKSON on the 8th September! I cannot EXPRESS how excited I am! I saw him back in the 90's in his HIStory concert and now, years later I am going to see him AGAIN at his THIS IS IT concert.
Honest to God, this has made a horrific day, the best day of the year so far!!!!
Life has meaning again! I love you hunni!!! xxx
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Owner of a lonely heart
I can't stop thinking about how much I miss my family and friends at home. I think spending the weekend with couples is what triggered it off. But then, isn't that every weekend?
I guess I just want somebody here to love too and love me in return (sad, pouting face). Going to sleep every night on your own and waking up on your own everyday sucks. I'm not just talking about the bedside chats but saying morning when making a cup of tea or someone asking how your day was as you step through the door.
I've always thought that i loved living alone and i do, i like my own space and my own privacy but i do miss just having someone around - whether it be my Mum or my sister or a partner or friend.
Underneath it all, I'm very lonely. Whilst couples sometimes make me feel lonely, they (my friends) do bring me love and happiness and all in all, a distraction to what I myself am essentially missing.
I'm thankful to have them and thankful that they have one another. Seeing them happy makes me feel happy inside, despite the twang they leave in my heart.
Is that twang jealousy? Maybe a little, yeh.
I guess I just want somebody here to love too and love me in return (sad, pouting face). Going to sleep every night on your own and waking up on your own everyday sucks. I'm not just talking about the bedside chats but saying morning when making a cup of tea or someone asking how your day was as you step through the door.
I've always thought that i loved living alone and i do, i like my own space and my own privacy but i do miss just having someone around - whether it be my Mum or my sister or a partner or friend.
Underneath it all, I'm very lonely. Whilst couples sometimes make me feel lonely, they (my friends) do bring me love and happiness and all in all, a distraction to what I myself am essentially missing.
I'm thankful to have them and thankful that they have one another. Seeing them happy makes me feel happy inside, despite the twang they leave in my heart.
Is that twang jealousy? Maybe a little, yeh.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Astrology strikes again
ahahaha:
March will bring certain pressures to bear, but happily, it looks like you will find ways to rise above them, dear Gemini. As March begins, you may be focused on an endeavor that is emanating from foreign shores, and if this is true for you, it appears the project bursts with potential. You may have begun working on this project in January, or even possibly a few months prior to that, and it is likely to have made impressive progress so far. The momentum you've built will continue to carry you quite far, so keep your focus.
same site as last month www.astrologyzone.com
March will bring certain pressures to bear, but happily, it looks like you will find ways to rise above them, dear Gemini. As March begins, you may be focused on an endeavor that is emanating from foreign shores, and if this is true for you, it appears the project bursts with potential. You may have begun working on this project in January, or even possibly a few months prior to that, and it is likely to have made impressive progress so far. The momentum you've built will continue to carry you quite far, so keep your focus.
same site as last month www.astrologyzone.com
Discipline
Oh gosh, I am going ahead with something I know I probably shouldn't be going ahead with, but, I just can't turn down the challenge - i am bordering on agreeing to the KL marathon on the 28th June.
For the last two months I'd say on average I have run 15km (if that) a week, and as usual, despite cutting down my partying to non existence I still find myself looking absolutely exhausted everyday. Most of the time i have been so busy with work I've barely been able to make it to the gym and then when i do, I have a serious lack of energy.
But I really, really want to accomplish this dam marathon, so I'm going to put a training plan in place tomorrow evening - I have to look at running 20 - 40 KM per week, every week until the marathon in order to be able to complete it. Or so I'm told/ have read.
I just have to pass the pain threshold, cut down the weight training and concentrate on the running. I just wanna do it SO badly.
This means no more late Friday nights and early get ups EVERY Saturday in order to fit in one long run a week. And that means I have to run religiously AT LEAST twice a week. Sigh. Can I fit it in? Speaking of religiously it may mean that if I want to run more I may have to miss the odd church session (or go Saturday evenings) JUST so I can make time to have at least one lie in a week. Man, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but this may just kill me.
It's not like i have a busy schedule, but I do feel like the people around me don't realise how much training occupies my time and also, they don't seem to understand that I actually enjoy it. It's times like this when i wish I had just one friend who was into sport.
I'll let you know when I have decided. Actually I have already decided that I want to do it, I just don't want to let myself down by not completing it.
Now see this guy http://oldmanrunning.org/ is my hero - 73 and still running...!
For the last two months I'd say on average I have run 15km (if that) a week, and as usual, despite cutting down my partying to non existence I still find myself looking absolutely exhausted everyday. Most of the time i have been so busy with work I've barely been able to make it to the gym and then when i do, I have a serious lack of energy.
But I really, really want to accomplish this dam marathon, so I'm going to put a training plan in place tomorrow evening - I have to look at running 20 - 40 KM per week, every week until the marathon in order to be able to complete it. Or so I'm told/ have read.
I just have to pass the pain threshold, cut down the weight training and concentrate on the running. I just wanna do it SO badly.
This means no more late Friday nights and early get ups EVERY Saturday in order to fit in one long run a week. And that means I have to run religiously AT LEAST twice a week. Sigh. Can I fit it in? Speaking of religiously it may mean that if I want to run more I may have to miss the odd church session (or go Saturday evenings) JUST so I can make time to have at least one lie in a week. Man, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but this may just kill me.
It's not like i have a busy schedule, but I do feel like the people around me don't realise how much training occupies my time and also, they don't seem to understand that I actually enjoy it. It's times like this when i wish I had just one friend who was into sport.
I'll let you know when I have decided. Actually I have already decided that I want to do it, I just don't want to let myself down by not completing it.
Now see this guy http://oldmanrunning.org/ is my hero - 73 and still running...!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Do you get me?
I was having a really shitty day today and physically disconnected myself from my friends, early afternoon as was mentally absent.
I was sitting at my computer, at home, job hunting when CJ came on line, she told me she had downloaded skype "just for me" (lol, like i was suppose to appreciate that after 3 years of nagging!) and we ended up speaking for over an hour and having a real laugh.
It was so good to catch up with a friend, when i was feeling so homesick today, and in particular missing my friends. She filled me in on the latest gossip and all the funny goings on within our group of friends. My, my there WAS some very good gossip to be shared! :)
I told her I was coming back to the UK in August and she was ecstatic. The funny thing is, CJ and I have always had an on-off friendship since we first met at 13 but all the same, I do love her.
I really miss my friends today, but speaking with CJ certainly brought a smile and laughter lines to my face.
I'm looking forward to returning home.
I was sitting at my computer, at home, job hunting when CJ came on line, she told me she had downloaded skype "just for me" (lol, like i was suppose to appreciate that after 3 years of nagging!) and we ended up speaking for over an hour and having a real laugh.
It was so good to catch up with a friend, when i was feeling so homesick today, and in particular missing my friends. She filled me in on the latest gossip and all the funny goings on within our group of friends. My, my there WAS some very good gossip to be shared! :)
I told her I was coming back to the UK in August and she was ecstatic. The funny thing is, CJ and I have always had an on-off friendship since we first met at 13 but all the same, I do love her.
I really miss my friends today, but speaking with CJ certainly brought a smile and laughter lines to my face.
I'm looking forward to returning home.
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About Me
- Bubs
- Surrey, United Kingdom
- "I have found that if a problem rears its head, the best way to deal with it is by being highly emotional, inconsistent and super irrational and the problem tends to go away..."