Mirror of Reflection

The last few weeks at work have been a real challenge. I have found myself coming up against situations where normally I would have reached boiling point and come back to my apartment and cried thinking – I want to go “home”. This week was different in particular and I keep thinking back to the Bubs who arrived in KL a little over a year ago and how she would have handled things.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I feel like I see a whole different person staring back at me, someone I am familiar with but can’t quite place. This year has been such a turning point for me; I think the main thing is that I’ve had to grow up. Fast. I’ve been betrayed, I’ve been belittled and I’ve been (something else beginning with ‘b’?) nah, just challenged would be better.

Each time I am faced with a new situation which I don’t believe I can handle I find myself taking it straight on face to face and most importantly resolving the issue, learning from it and moving on.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever go “home”. I never in my dreams imagined that Malaysia could be somewhere I would think of as “home” or that I could live in “forever” but these days I can’t imagine a place I’d rather be.

I mean at the end of the day, it might sound exciting living and working abroad but principally it is the same as anywhere. We work and we play. A regular Saturday usually consists of gym work out, brunch with friends (undoubtedly Lucky Garden, 1pm), coffee (general mooching about), out dancing and drinking followed breakfast at 5 am at some random mamak stall (premiership on in background), bed 6 am and then onto Sunday which may or maynot be something productive.

But living here is different in a sense. Tonight for example I spent the evening with Bombies, Mr J, The CatMachine and oh, I don’t have a blog name for Nani. Hehe. We drove for miles (i.e further than Bangsar) and ended up in Serbang. We went for Paper Chicken, Snow beer and Lok Lok – I mean, I’ve been living here for over a year and I’m still trying out new food, it’s great! I love it and I love the people that surround my life. My world.

I do at times feel like I’m still “missing” something and I’m on the cusp of finding it I’m sure. Soon it will be 2009, my my I do often sit and wonder what the year ahead will bring, only time can tell. Right now all I can think of is two elements of my life that I want to work on and develop. Of course, life is ever a path way complicated by brambles and bushes that get in the way of the garden gate but these are all part of the adventure I guess.

Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking about tomorrow and simply live for today. I think I do, that is my objective, to make each day count but at the same time I am always thinking ahead of how I would like things to be and of course, it never turns out quite like how we wish but some how, I think about today and smile, I am content. Does that make sense?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all have this ideal world of how we see our lives panning out and in reality, it never follows through exactly the way we hope but when I sit back and look at what I have right now, right this second, its not at all what I planned but it’s a happiness I could never plan either.