Trust & Respect

Trust. If you ask anyone what they think is the most important part of a relationship they will say Trust. If you don't trust one another, how can you share a life together? I don't believe you can.

For me, trust and respect for one another are two key elements that hold a relationship together.

Over the past few weeks the boy has begun to let his guard down, whilst I have very much been aware of not doing so. Why? Well, it's the fear I guess. But of late, my guard seems to be slipping more and more and I am letting him in. Progress, I assure you!

Something of my life which he is not (yet) privy to is my blogging. The main reason is that, well, I'm kinda shy (believe it or not) and also, a blog can sometimes be seen as a diary. Hurt and pain is shared, emotions once so strong and splurged all over the pages are, in a day or two, forgotten inside, but will remain in "ink" until the blog is deleted.

Today I decided, to let him in just a wee bit more, by not sending him my blog ad, but sending him yesterday's entry. Seeing as i constantly talk about blogging, the least i could do is show him some of the material i produce. I mean, i know most of it is pretty lame and I'm never going to become a famous blogger, but I do enjoy writing down my General Wonderingments.

Of course, I'd love to share more and I realise I do write very openly in my blog and it occurred to me yesterday that if he were to read some of the intimate things that I write, he may be hurt that other people are privy to my thoughts, but not he.

Therefore i have a series of options:

- I stop blogging *sob*
- I set a privacy setting so only I can ever access my blog (therefore, what is the point??)
- I write more in my third person narrative (which i do tend to do from time to time)
- I carry on writing in my brutal factual manner and pay the price of hurting a loved one by not having RESPECT for him.

Did I just say "loved one"?

I want to respect... therefore from here on, I chose option 3 to carry on blogging, but maybe disconnect myself somewhat from the intimate feelings displayed in my writing.

At the end of the day my relationship with Mada is 1 million times more important than my relationship with a keyboard.

I don't want to make the same mistakes I have done in the past. I want this one to work out and never end.

Shit, i just did it again. Dammit.