I'm "stressed"

It's so great having ButDunc (BD) here with me. BD loves just being a lazy bum, so eating and mooching works well with her :) and that's pretty much all we've done so far - tonight we'll go for Steamboat to really over indulge - I told her to wear "baggy pants" haha.

Strangely enough, I feel much more aware of my "stressed" persona. Only during/ after work yesterday. BD commented last night that perhaps I was a little bit more stressed than I let on to people and as I lay in bed last night I realised that I do do a good job of putting it aside. It's not until someone specifically points out your "flaws" or whatever is going on that you may realise that your speculation is true. But doesn't everyone get stressed? Is everyone THIS stressed but just hides it? I'm not sure, I wonder...

Although saying that, I'm never one to not comment that I'm stressed, I know I do, I yell, moan, scream, but I guess I do it in a jokey way. I think a lot of people comment about a true feeling in a silly manner as they want to let people know how they feel but without raising too much alarm/ making themselves vulnerable etc.

Well I work out, which disperses most of it, and by the time I see my friends in the evening I tend to shut down from work thoughts. At the weekends, if I'm not doing some work, I again, avoid talking about it so as to discourage it's existence. Do other people do the same? I imagine so. Everyone has their own coping mechanism for every problem. Our Medical Advisor (the one who's Husband hanged himself) was at work, the morning of his funeral, now that to me is just wrong, but, seemingly it's the only way she can cope right now.

Shit, how can I moan about my life being stressful when someone I know has just had their Husband kill themself? aiyo...

(paused)

well, in my own world I guess this is my biggest problem - oh that and probably having no job and having to move back to the uk next year - snigger snigger (see there I go again, making a joke out of something that I am genuinely concerned about - I hate how I can break down my own defense mechanism, it's shocking!)

Having BD here, not "watching" me but definitely glancing, taking care, I notice that she spots how edgy I am at work, but she isn't offended by my "Gargh!ness" only slightly concerned it seems.

Today I just feel like my head is going to explode, trying to prioritise my work seems impossible as every client believes that their case should be the priority - and it should be, in an ideal world.

Sigh.... I gotta get on... I just thought blogging might help a bit but now I just feel like I wasted ten mins of my day.

- note, unsure why I put a lot of words in "inverted commas" today.