What a difference a day makes...

I am writing this on a scrap of paper in bed. This time yesterday I was a quivering mess, in this moment I am beaming with self pride. Why? Because today I realised I am so much stronger than I ever believed I could be.

Part of this realisation has come to light because I am so blessed to be surrounded by such special friends in all corners of the world.

My best friends; my Shrub (in San Fran), ButDunc (in UK) and H (in HK) were all there for me last night in their own unique ways. Shrub, for me to sob to hysterically with no self dignity, H for his, well you know H (read the blog somewhere below), ButDunc for her analytical analysis and someone else too... My Bombies.

It took a lot of courage yesterday to even pick up the phone and tell her what was going on. I don't know why, self pride maybe? Or admitting that what had happened really did happen and she would be the first of many friends over here to find out. I don't know. But at the drop of a hat she was there for me armed with tissues (clearly she remembered the last episode- haha). I love talking to Bombies, she is my one friend here in Malaysia of which no one else really compares to. As I told her my thoughts, reasoning's and logic she sat and smiled, she knew I was going to be OK and her smile reconfirmed my waffled nonsense into well, unwaffled sense!

I had prepared myself for becoming tearful, now that I'd had my horrific blubbering monstrofic possessed cry last night (yes it was that bad!) I expected I would no doubt, shed a few tears. But I didn't. That's not to say I'm a heartless bitch, hehe, only that they surfaced but didn't quite escape. The only time I felt the need to cry wasn't for self pity like last night, but more out of the love I feel for someone who simply cannot accept the gift I want to give to him with open arms.

I will sleep soundly tonight (i did!) although I know things are gonna be tough, I know I have a circle of friends that love me so dearly and a heart that although feels very heavy right now, is also very strong.

I hope Blanks will find solace (is that the right word?) in a good friend or two. I would never wish bad things on someone and despite my momentary "I hope he feels like shit!" well, if he doesn't then he's not the person I thought he was. A kind soul.