What would Carrie Bradshaw do?

- I wrote this yesterday but my internet was down so couldn't post it.

It’s been another hard day, but I pushed through. Lying on my sofa this afternoon and watching SATC episode after SATC has helped! Bombies invited me over for dinner and Closet invited me over to his with some other people for Sunday cocktails but I felt like I was carrying a bad, dark energy and I really didn’t like it and didn’t want to inflict it on anyone else. I’m also kinda sick of talking about this break up. Is it supposed to be THIS hard? I gotta get out of this yucky hole. I’m really surprised how much this whole thing has affected me, I also read back my blog that I wrote last night and I’m really quite shocked at the content of it. I sound so angry, it’s horrible.

I wonder what I need to do? I think going back to the UK is going to help, it will certainly be a distraction. But I’ve still gotta come home, to reality after a week. I’m really amazed at how upset I am about the whole of this. I think part of it is that feeling of being ‘alone’ is different when you’re surrounded by friends and family that have been around since before you met the guy, here, I feel a little bit out of sorts not sure who to turn to or talk to because at the end of the day no one really knows me that well and I’ve only had these friends in my life for the last couple of months. They are also his friends too. That's not to say I don't have supportive friends here, I do and they know who they are it's just, the inbetween people I guess. Hu.

I guess on the up, I’ve got a lot to look forward to and need to concentrate on that, but I do feel like I’ve taken a step back now. Because this is what I was doing before I felt settled here (OK let me be direct, before Blanks was in my life) – setting myself goals and targets to get through the time. Now I just feel all unsettled again and that feeling sucks. I guess what’s hardest the most is, despite all of the things I wrote yesterday I still want to be with Blanks and because the apparent reason (other than him just not being that into me) was that Blanks said it wasn’t “us” or “Me” it was him. What a cliché.

Give the guy some credit, he did make me happy, very happy. Well that's obvious otherwise I wouldn't still be harping on about everything. I just started to type all these nice things and now I feel like a loser, so I’ve deleted them and replaced them with this line. It’s much easier to list the bad things than admit to all the beautiful moments you shared. Isn’t it?

By the way, I’m still watching SATC, two hours on. I love it. I love Carrie Bradshaw the most. She’s so cool. She just gave me some very profound advice:

Are we supposed to get over a guy in a slow painful way or is it better to just get back in the game? What are the break up rules?

1) Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy
2) Lie. It’s much easier than admitting how you are really feeling
3) Until emotionally stabalised enter no stores
4) Never stop thinking about him for a moment because that’s the moment he will appear
5) No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to mend, you’ll never get through it without your friends.

SO true.

So yes, what am I gonna do? OK I’m going to make my own action plan:

1) Hair cut – done. I always do this after a break up, it’s like those weird people who need to shower straight after sex because they feel like it’s a sin. I breakup, I get hair cut
2) Look at the positive – yes there are lots, going back to UK, holiday to Krabi, biz trip to China, UK and States for Christmas and NY
3) Stop watching SATC. I am no way near as fabulous as Carrie Bradshaw
4) Keep watching SATC on the sly and aspire to be Carrie Bradshaw
5) Stop feeling sorry for myself
6) Give up smoking – I don’t know how this is going to help getting over Blanks but I think I should do it
7) Ok I give up. I have no action plan.

I’m all out. I’m just going to have to bloody well suck it up and get on with it! I am fabulous, I might not be Carrie Frickin Bradshaw but I’m damned as hell if I’m gonna let this be the end of me! Tomorrow is a new day and a new perspective.