General Wonderingments

Should I just hand my notice in now and leave?
Why can't I stop crying?
Should I negotiate my terms?
Am I too scared to face the truth?
Am I trying to hard to do something "different"?
If I want it so badly why aren't I doing anything?
Should I leave without having a job lined up?
Should I take the risk and hope that once I've handed in my notice I will have the motivation to start looking properly?
Why is it so hard to make decisions these days?
Is it really that big a deal?
Should I try and stick it out until the end of the year?
Should I go back to the UK?
Should I try a new country?
Should I try and make a real go of things with BFM and just settle once and for all in KL?
Should I email Mada and tell him I miss talking to him?
Will I be perceived as a failure?
Am I failing myself?
Am I not good enough for you?
Why don't you want me?
Why aren't I happy with the wonderful things I have in my life?
Am I selfish?
Am I depressed?
Are my ideas stupid?
Do I even know what I want?
Am I scared to face the truth?
Am I hiding away from reality?
Am I living a lie?
Am I pathetic?
How am I going to move forward?
What am I going to say to my manager next week?
Am I as strong as I believe I am?
Am I ever going to be satisfied?
Should I just be happy with what I have and stop searching for more?
Do I deserve more from life?
Will my prayers be answered?
Will things get easier?
Will I look back next year and smile?
Should I eat something?
Should I even bother getting out of bed tomorrow?

This is my head right now, do you see? Do you see why I can't concentrate on ANYTHING? I'm going fucking crazy. I just want ANSWERS and there are NONE. Why? Because I have to find them from WITHIN and all there are, is questions, uncertainties, self doubt, lack of confidence, indecision, mind games, broken hearts and a tummy bug.

OH MY GOD please, get me out of this awful awful pit I just wanna be smiley again, but not the fake smile. The smile that is a confident and happy 25 year old girl.

You know what's worse? Is that probably that the situation isn't that bad but my state of mind that is. What does that tell you? I know exactly. Shit. It's happening all over again.