Couldn't help but feel like shit today though and it really put a dampner on the whole weekend for me. I don't know what brought it all on, I have a feeling it had something to do with the book I was reading. Yet again, I just finished ANOTHER Jodi Picoult book - I think this is probably my 7th or 8th of hers. It was a goodie too, although, I seldom read a book of hers and don't love it - she is my favourite author.
I like the way she writes as all books are written in different naratives by different characters and always surrounds a situation that requires a court verdict. By writing the book in different character's persepctives you gain an all round inside to how each character feels and overall a very good story. She also always ends with a bitter-twisted ending (Which I'm afraid Jodi, I sussed out this time, way before the end).
She always has one plot and then usually one or two sub plots (which can often be more interesting than the main plot) but they all interlink.
The main plot was of a young girl who suffered from OI (osteogenesis imperfecta) and her Mother who was sueing her best friend who was the obstetrician for malpractice, after missing the 'signs' on the U/S and not having the choice to abort her Daughter (its more complicated than that, but thats the gist of it) the Sister of the little girl, who, in the midst of feeling so negelcted suffered from bulimia and self harmed and the Lawyer who, as it transpired, was adopted and on a quest to find her "real" Mother.
Whilst reading the book i felt overwhelmed with how Ms Picoult was able to portray how the young girl who self harmed (Amelia) felt, why she did what she did and how it helped her cope with her everyday living. Having self harmed from the age of 13 - 21 it was all a little "too much" to read at times, yet I felt engrosed to read more.
During my readings, I obviously had times where I was interacting with my friends/ doing stuff. I can't remember how we got onto the conversation but we started discussing whether or not it was right to 'cain' (or physically tell a child off) when they had done wrong. My friends were firmly in the mind that it WAS ok, but then, they have been bought up in a culture where kids do get disciplined in that way both in the home and at school. I am very anti it. Having taught children in an evironment where they WERE cained, I have been able to keep control (albeit struggled) through the power of speech. And telling off a child by making them feel EMOTIONALLY what is right and what is wrong - i.e tapping into their conscionce and teaching them what is MORALLY right and wrong by their HEART and not by physical pain.
We bounced a few comments about and I mentioned that as a child my Father had hit me and I had very little respect for him. Whereas my Mother had not, yet I have more respect for her and never disobeyed her whilst growing up. Bombies then said (something along the lines of) but its not the hand that hits - you are using a something to hit them with, and then "the hand has love" (or something close to that). The comment really really struck a nerve (pardon the pun) and I was just about ready to burst.
Whether it was the fact that my Father had slammed my Sister across the head with a rolled up newspaper (a hitting device, similar to a cain you might say) or whether he had punched his fist through our glass front door and splattered my face with blood (the hand of love) didn't matter. The hand did the action. Whether there was something in it or not.
And then of course, that led me to start thinking about my book and all the reasons why, throughout my adolescence i suffered from depression and anxiety - because of the violence i had experienced as a child, and more. So maybe yes, this is an extreme case but maybe you can understand why I think that physical punishment is NOT the answer.
Of course, I know my argument is very "right winged" but that is just my point of view. Extreme.
I'm sorry if I was irritable towards you this afternoon, it wasn't you personally but it was the discussion and our conflicting views. I tried to shake it but I couldn't. You see, you may know a lot about me, but of course, everyone has unearthed secrets, memories that scar you - both physically and mentally and at times, it's all you can do but scream out loud for all your inner pain that will always be at the back of your mind, lingering.
So back to Jodi's latest book - "Handle with Care" not only did she raise issues on self harm but also two other subjects - abortion and adoption. I have not experienced either of them myself. But this book was a real eye opener and has had a strong impact and lasting impression on my overall views of both.
I guess what was meant to be the trip to end all trips with my friends turned out to be one of self reflection and many, general wonderingments.
Needless to say, all this mental shit that was spinning around my head today, didn't change the fact that I had a great time, only that my mind isn't as well rested as I would have liked it to be. It also made me a little apprehensive about returning to the UK... because when I left the UK I left everything I have written about behind me. Will it all come back to haunt me? I know I am not the person I once was and I am very, very proud of that. I am beautiful now, inside and out.
But then, as JP wrote in this heart wrenching novel:
Maybe you have to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was.
I wonder where my starting point was...?
~ In hindsight this morning I realise this piece of writing is incredily honest, personal and direct. There are many ways to disguise what you blog about so that the reader doesn't read right into your soul. But sometimes, there is no other way than to just say it as it is. I'm not scared to talk about my past, I'm not ashamed, I am proud of overcoming it.
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