Closing the gateway to my heart (until further notice)

It's the end of the Chinese New Year looooong weekend. I have to say I've REALLY enjoyed myself, I didn't party, I didn't even make it to church on Sunday, but i think my body was calling for recuperation. I wakeboarded (i should say MIND needed recuperation) with Shrek which was SO much fun, went to the butterfly park with Manc which was just a cute fun (GIRLIE) day, relaxed in the sun (and burnt in places that i couldn't reach with sunscreen - boo), had meals with friends (caught up with A&F twice - insane!), SLEPT an INSANE amount and dabbled with work (just finishing some last bits now). I feel relaxed, it's a good feeling.

The only thing that rained on me was bloody Mada. We had an argument over msn last night (yes, mature, I know) where he suddenly starts telling me how he doesn't want a relationship with anyone (yes he's said this before, but how can you say such beautiful things to a person and then reject them in such a callous way?) when eventually I told him it hurt me that despite all that he says, in 3 years he hasn't visited me, do you know what he says? "I do want to visit you but KL doesn't really rock my boat" Oh. My. God. HELLO? Do I not rock your boat?? Isn't it about seeing me? Does he seriously think I'll give up my whole life for him and show me no kind of commitment by not even visiting me? (owch, my heart just broke) The long of the short of it was I ended up saying that I was so angry that I couldn't even bare to talk to him anymore and to not bother replying. And he didn't. I'm angry, but this is Mada, this is 8 years repeating itself over and over. But i foolishly thought this time was different. Bah! (angry angry angry).

So i've decided to shut my door to love, for now, i cannot physically go through anymore SHIT from men this year. I have had enough, oh, and did I mention that BLANKS then rang me (which i didn't answer) because i can't stand the thought of seeing one more stupid boy EVER EVER AGAIN! Men are stupid. Idiots! Bah! (I am laughing btw, I know I'm being melodramatic)

Oh and of course, as I type this, I get the following email from Mada:

--------------------Subject: :o( I know i'm not your favourite person right now but I really do miss you. I'm so sorry if i've hurt you Katelin. Please forgive me. Your Mada XxX

PLEASE drama just leave me alone OK? I just want an easy life, just for one weekend, quit hassling me!

I give up. All access to my heart is denied until further notice from Management. Thank you.