I pray with a thankful heart

I hit an all time low yesterday. The family and friends that never fail me, were there for me. As always. But, I was inconsolable.

I cleansed my soul under a burning hot shower, red eyed, blotchy faced, tears still streaming, head pounding. I was so worked up I was sick. I felt like shit. I threw on an old skanky (but comforting) t shirt and crawled into my bed. Duvet wrapped around my whole body. I turned my head and stared at my bible, glowing hot pink under my bedside lamp. Can you help me? I stared at it for ages, flicked through pages, back and forth, didn't know how to use it at all.

I wearily reached out to my phone, text Bombies, help me, help me find the right words, the right passage to give me the inner strength that has turned sour and left me.

Romans 8: 18 - 39
Philippians 3: 12-21, 4: 1-9

I read through once, frowning as usual, eyes painful from crying, mind weary. Then I shut it and turned out the light. I lay there. Then switched on the light again, sat up and read again.

These words spoke to my heart, they were the words of encouragement I needed to pull me through. Perhaps they were the most uncomplicated, most straightforward but still, they are what touched me.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

As I type this, I blush. It has just dawned on me, that this is not the first time I have heard this verse. Someone once said it to me, a long time ago. I forgot. Locked it away. Curious that these words jumped out at me, was it in my subconscious? I didn't recognise them at all last night.

It was the first time I have turned to the bible in a time of desperation and the first verse that has ever given me strength.

I will always remember this verse.

I'm beginning to realise what it's all about.

Thank you.